Posts Tagged "sleep deprivation"

What a difference a night makes

Posted by Josie on Oct 10, 2009 in Uncategorized | 16 comments

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about a night of dream-like wonder during which Kai woke up only twice, closely followed by a night of hell-like torture that made me feel like my face was melting. Remember?

Well I think we were all hoping that maybe the ‘good’ night was a hint at possible sleep-filled nights to come with the ‘bad’ night just a brief blip on the radar.

Err, no.

Actually, since that one good night Kai has broken all recent records for awful, torturous, mummy-breaking sleeping habits, deciding to make a habit of waking up two hourly after 11 and then waking UP up at about 3am and not.going.back.to.sleep. Bless him, he tries. He lies in his cot, with poor mummy passed out comatose on the single bed next to him with her hand hanging limply through the bars making half-hearted patting and soothing attempts. He tosses, he turns, he sits up, he lies back down again. The little sighs and  sobs begin to get more and more desperate until they reach air-raid siren like proportions and he works himself up into hysterical frustrated rage. Nothing helps. Not milk, not cuddles, not patting with increased force and frequency (PAT FECKIN PAT!!!) After about two hours I give up and we go down stairs for me to slump on the sofa while my poor tired boy cuddles close to watch the weird psychedelic Baby TV shows that are all we have the energy for in the pre-Ceebies dawn.

Anyway. After two weeks of this I was reduced to the wispy ghost form of my former (already rather haggard) self. But I pushed on, as usual.

I don’t think I’d quite appreciated what a hole I’d fallen into though till today. Because last night, dear reader, another one of those randomly good nights (and they are completely random) happened to grace our household. We still had the early morning wake up, but before that I got 5 hours of blissful, deep, uninterrupted sleep. And after a crawling round his room and singing session between the hours of 4.30 and 6, Kai then went BACK TO SLEEP and slept in until 8.20am, possibly the latest he has slept in his entire little life.

I got 7 glorious hours. I feel like a new woman.

I awoke with a smile on my face and a song on my lips. Temper tantrums were taken in my stride with unflappable patience and good humour. I found time to type up a huge pile of toy reviews AND play with Kai, unresentfully and committing fully to the moment. I cleaned, I made lunch, I cleared out the pile of old baby clothes under our bed and sorted them in bags for friends. And I still found the energy to get us all out of the door for an hour getting sandy in the park and back in time for tea.

In short, I was frickin awesome.

And it dawned on me. I’m not the awful, failing, incompetent excuse for a human being that I convinced myself I was this last couple of weeks. I’m just TIRED!

I know this sounds stupid but it was quite a revelation to me. I had no idea how much my state of mind, my emotions, my outlook, my motivation and my general self-perception was affected by the amount of sleep I got. I thought this was just the way I was, just the way my life was.

I’ve decided. I need to give myself a break. Because I AM the motivated, positive, organised, emotionally together person I always thought I was but feared I’d lost forever. It’s just hidden beneath a huge great big layer of months of sleep deprevation. Ever so often I get to catch a glimpse of it when the odd good night gets thrown my way, tantalising and brief. But it IS there, that IS me. And the best thing? This zombie, fragile, insecure not-Josie is only temporary. The no sleep is only temporary.

It will pass. I will get to be ‘me’ again.

And then watch out world…

Yo Mama

Posted by Josie on Sep 30, 2009 in Uncategorized | 25 comments

Well you can’t knock Kai for his ability to keep me on my toes.

The night before last he broke all records sleeping the longest stretch of his ENTIRE LIFE!!! A whole six and half hours all in a row. And after he’d woken up, guzzled down his usual few gallons of milk and gone back to sleep he only woke up a further ONCE!!!!!!!

I’m not sure you’ve grasped the significance of this.

He woke up TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes, the exclamation marks totally justified. And YES I’m going to shout a lot in this post and DON’T CARE.

Because not only did he only wake up twice, he didn’t want to get up till 7am… AND… spent the whole night in his cot in his OWN ROOM.

Perhaps you’re wondering (like I did) whether someone secretly swapped out my genetically flawed Hyper-No-Sleep 5000  baby with a regular, normal, standard issue one.

But no, it was really Kai.

Do you know how I know?

Because of LAST night. Last night, after jubilantly celebrating all day that ‘This was IT baby!’ and that we’d really turned a corner, phoning all my friends and relatives and stopping random people in the street to grab them by their lapels and look with crazy frenzy into their frightened eyes and squeal “SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!”

Last night when I sauntered off to bed safe in the knowledge that I most likely had at least three hours before being woken up, and probably another three or four hour stretch after that.

Last night when Kai was awake all fricking night.

So no. Doesn’t look like that was IT baby. Looks like that was just a horrible cruel fluke.Quite possibly because Kai nearly knocked himself out on the skirting board that day and I had two rather large glasses of wine. Yep, nothing like a mild concussion and alcohol laced breast milk to guarantee some sleep.

And of course because I’d been treated to night of half-decent sleep the night before, a night of virtually no sleep hit me extra hard. And I was so tired this morning that… well… I’ll tell you how tired I was. EXACTLY how tired.

Because I’m starting a new thing. It’s called ‘This Mama so tired’.

It’s kinda like ‘Yo Mama so fat’ except better. And less horribly offensive. (And yes I know it’s not grammatically correct but it’s hip, innit?)

So here’s mine – then you have to give me yours:

This Mama so tired that… she realised that she’d thrown her dirty underwear in the toilet rather than in the laundry basket

This Mama so tired that… when writing a birthday card for one of Kai’s buddy’s she wrote

To Kai,    Happy Birthday    Love Kai x

This Mama so tired that… she can’t SEE!

I’m not kidding! I seriously thought I might be going blind. I booked an appointment at the opticians and prepared myself for the worst but turns out my eye sight in test is fine (phew!). Well, no worse than it’s ever been – I still have a slightly lazy eye. Apparently I’m just so exhausted that even the muscles in my eyes are tired! Thus giving me rather screwy vision, especially in bright light. The lovely leather elbow-patch cladded Optician prescribed me a decent pair of sunglasses and some sleep. He even may have used the word ‘dear’ and patted my arm.

THAT’S how tired I am.

So how tired are you Mama?

P.S. I’m know I’m being horrible and excluding Dads here but Yo Pappa doesn’t really sound right does it? Men folk – if you can pull it off or think of a Dad equivalent then by all means do so…

——————————————-

It’s time for… The Sleep Deprivation Carnival 2009!

Posted by Josie on Sep 28, 2009 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Roll up roll up!

It’s finally here, The Sleep Deprivation Carnival 2009!

Come see the best of the best’s take on the Sleep Deprivation of parenthood. See the incredible whispering squatting woman, the Health Visitor defying rebel, the gymnastic Houdini toddler and the Naughty Sleep Gnome. We’ve got tears, we’ve got desperation, we’ve got the inevitable vomit. And we’ve even got a few rare scenes of nighttime bliss – just to prove it can happen!

Your entrance fee is one subscription to my feed (that is, if you enjoy my blog which I hope you do) and blatant over- the-top-promotion of this carnival on the social networking site of your choice.

I’ll be along shortly with snacks and hot chocolate…

But in the meantime if you’d like to make your way here and I’ll be right with you…

Come on in…!

And when you’ve finished reading don’t forget to check out the freak show, erm… I mean…

The Sleep Deprivation Gallery

Guaranteed to cause a giggle – there’s some real corkers…

Thank you so much to everyone that contributed. I really hope that this carnival will stand as a testament to all the world’s sleep deprived parents for a long time to come. When I can get organised I’ll provide a permanent link to it on the blog’s main page for to access anytime – I really hope you’ll make use of this fantastic resource.

xx

Read More

It’s a blanket… WITH SLEEVES!!

Posted by Josie on Sep 27, 2009 in Reviews | 12 comments

**WARNING** This post contains images of extreme sleep deprivation and bad bed head. You have been warned (it was a looong night last night!)

Right. Here’s the deal.

You’re going to read my review. The Sleep Deprivation Carnival should be up by Monday afternoon and on Tuesday I will announce the winner of the Slanket competition, all disappointed parties can go and buy one here, and then that’s it.

We’re moving on.

It’s time.

But first, you want to know don’t you? You want to know whether the fleece is really as soft as the mythical Angel Unicorn Sheep of deepest Tibet, whether those sleeves really do envelop your arms in the warmth of a thousand kittens gentle breath. Whether wearing one really does feel like returning to the womb in a transformative and healing regressive experience? Whether it’s REALLY everything we’ve been imagining?

Right??

Well the answer is…emm… no. Come on people – it’s a giant blanket with sleeves. Let’s not get silly.

But it is pretty good I have to admit. In fact it, it’s better than pretty good. Being completely serious I actually think it’s rather brilliant.

Imagine if you will a dressing gown four sizes too big and ten times too long which you put on backwards. It has extra length above the neck to create an extra snuggly cowl effect giving the impression that you are in fact some kind of arctic monk.

Now let me get this absolutely, irrefutably clear. Whilst wearing your Slanket you are going to look very, very stupid. No not even ironically cool, not even kitsch cool. Just stupid. But you will be so warm and cosy that you will simply not care.

It is THE perfect slobbing on the sofa attire, but unlike a vastly inferior regular blanket, leaves your hands free for reading, laptop tapping and wine sipping. It is soft, it is cuddly, it is machine washable for the inevitable jam spillage and chocolate smear (I imagine I’ll be testing this feature pretty soon – I fear there was some definite crumbage last night during a marathon biscuit eating sesh).

We also discovered that it makes the most brilliant Halloween costume (as pictured) – I was channelling ‘Death Eater’ in this one. And I must have been channelling more than I had attended as we noticed a mysteriously ghostly orb on this photo after we’d taken it. Quick! Call Derek Acorah!!

I do however, have the following reservations:

1. It causes unbelievably amounts of static electricity and crackles like a mo-fo when you take it off. Ok not a HUGE problem but it does leave you feeling a bit like a giant lightening conductor and for safety’s sake I would recommend you clear the vicinity of pets and small children before removing your Slanket in case they get set on fire or something. However the bonus static mad-hair points are worth considering.

2. You cannot walk in a Slanket. Don’t try it. Seriously. I have a bruise to prove this.

3. You have to put up with looks from your significant other that very clearly demonstrate that your sexy points have just dropped several leagues. In fact that look hints that they may never touch you again. This worries me.

But I love it. OF COURSE I love it. It’s not supposed to be cool. One look at the Slanket website will tell you that they don’t take themselves or their product  too seriously (check out the ‘latest news’!) And that makeS me love it all the more.

Because I love my new best friends at Slanket I would like to offer up the following ideas for future Slanket spin-offs:

1. The Sweetheart Slanket – double width with FOUR arm holes for Slanket snuggling with your loved one (hopefully rekindling some of the romance lost caused by your partner seeing you Slanketing solo).

2. The Breastfeeding Slanket – with handy velcro flaps for nursing.

3. The Party Slanket – take idea one and just add widths and extra sleeves – enough for you and all your mates. Perhaps with the option of joining both ends for a kind of ’round-the-camp-fire’ option.

Right that’s it. See you tomorrow for the Sleep Deprivation Carnival and keep your ear to the ground on Tuesday for the competition winner. I’m off to do an awful lot of typing and try to erase the word Slanket from my mind.

In any case – I’ve already been tipped off about Sleep is for the Weak’s next big obsession. I’m thinking of a whole snooze-wear feature. PRs? Anyone??