Posts Tagged "pride"
Mark making
Today hurt. Physically, I mean. A lot. This relapse is a persistent sod, that’s for sure.
BUT it didn’t win today. It didn’t define it. Despite undercoating the day in a thick and heavy pressure, pain won’t be the thing I remember about today.
Today will be about an afternoon in the sunshine, watching Kai play cars as I sat and untangled the heavy knot of wool I have got in a mess (again) strand by strand. And then about the bucket of water and the thick, crumbly chalks we both carried to our old out-house wall which we stood by and covered in our scribbles, our bold water-soaked paintbrush stokes, and our hand prints, big and small.
Read MoreDad
You sat on my chair yesterday and when I asked if things were good with, you told me, in your voice that I could always use like a sonar device to locate you in crowds of hundreds when I was little, that you were more than well, that you were happy and in love and that life was wonderful.
And my heart went BOOM. Because I am prouder of you than almost anyone else I know and because I owe you so much. You, more than anyone, have taught me to keep trying and that life is not really about where you’re going but about the things you do along the way, and you have taught it me well.
Love you Dad. I am so glad the wonderful found you, because you deserve it.
What Josie Did
So… yesterday…
Actually, no. Back track. To last Sunday. When I finally managed to swallow a huge elephant sized chunk of pride and asked my Mother-in-Law whether she would like to have Kai over to play for a few hours every Friday afternoon. Kai adores her, they have a dog called “DEEEE” (Eddie in Kai-speak) and a back room full of toys. It was always going to be a win-win situation. I’m just not very good at asking for help… but… I did! And it felt good! (once the huge chunk of pride had worked it’s way past my windpipe anyway).
We can scoot forward again now. It’s Friday afternoon, I have waved Kai off happily sat in the back of Grandma’s car clutching his digger in one hand and a police car in the other and grinning like loon.
I have four hours. Four whole childless, peaceful hours.
What on earth do I do?!
Well for starters I have made a deal with myself that these four hours each week are NOT going to be spent doing housework. Absolutely not. I also made a deal with myself that these four hours would be spent outside, or, at least out the house.
So I packed up Clive and my notebook and my many pens and I put some gloves and a hat on and I went out. ALONE.
It was so weird. I did crazy things. I crossed the road when the red man was still showing. I carried a bag that did not contain a nappy, wipes, three toy cars or emergency raisins. I walked past people thinking “they don’t know I’m a mummy! I could be ANYONE!” and tried to look mysterious and alluring.
I bought a cheese sandwich and I sat on a bench in the middle of town with my legs on the arm and I wrote until I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore.
And then I sat in Starbucks and ate the cream off my grande hot chocolate with a spoon and wrote some more. And then I went to MacDonalds and stole their free Wi-fi while rebelliously not ordering ANYTHING but setting up camp next to a rubbish covered tray in a genius undercover stake-out maneauve.
And then I went home.
It was glorious.
And I learnt the following things:
1. I absolutely, unconditionally, obsessively love PEOPLE. Not to the point where I actually want to talk to them, but just to watch them all go about their busy little lives, overhearing snippets of conversation, noticing their funny little gestures and weird clothing choices. I am addicted to them and their randomness. I could sit and watch them all fricking day. Or all afternoon anyway. I am not sure how writers ever run out of things to write about when there are six and half billion of the wonderful weirdos to write about.
2. The prices for WiFi in Starbucks are criminal. I’ve just paid nearly £3 for a drink you evil multi-national corporation. How dare you try and charge me over a fiver for 90 effing minutes. Humph.
3. Clive is heavy.He could do with loosing a few pounds.
4. I can both miss Kai and be very grateful for his temporary absence at the same time.
5. Sometimes I really, really like not having to talk to anyone for a few hours. To not say a single word. It means I can hear the words in my head a bit easier. And that makes it easier to write them down.
6. I love Freedom Friday
Thanks Wendy x
P.S. Today, on my wanderings across the interwebs, I completely ‘accidentally’ happened across a rather cool and extremely interesting and brilliant blog. You should probably check it out… you know, if you like… Dunno who she is. But she seems pretty ace. Whoever she is…
Read More
