Posts Tagged "permission"

Writing Workshop – Permission Slip

Posted by Josie on Jun 13, 2011 in Me, Writing, Writing Workshop | 8 comments

Dear You,

You’re not feeling good tonight, are you? The kind of not-good Mood that has a habit of shuffling around after you most of the day, lurking just out of sight when you’ve turned to try and pin it down. It’s hidden itself in grey skies and sore limbs and a head that ached but you didn’t know why. And then, come evening, it’s pounced, grinning, gleeful, into your lap, all pointy elbows and sharp, digging little heels. Here I am, it said, surprise!

So, yes, you and your Mood, sat now in your bed, and it’s so wrapped up in you, you’re not sure where you end and it begins. And so begins that interminable wrestle for control.

The Writing Workshop Returns

Posted by Josie on Jun 6, 2011 in Writing, Writing Prompts, Writing Workshop | 23 comments

So, I had a good loooong break. I fell apart, I put myself together again, I fell apart some more (apply, rinse, repeat) and somewhere along the line I seem to have managed to reassemble myself into a vaguely functioning human being again, at least for the time being, anyway.

It’s time to pick up some old threads, and some new ones too, and get going again.

And you know what that means? Yep, the Writing Workshop is BACK. Thank you for being so patient. I doubt we’ll have loads taking part any more, but I kind of like that, actually. And for those of you that said how much you missed it and encouraged me to come back to it when I was ready, thank you.

I’m going to go back to posting writing/blogging prompts every fortnight on a Monday. It will vary each week – sometimes I might just give you one theme, or question to get you thinking, other weeks we might do something slightly different, not sure yet.

Steam trains, imaginary ice lollies and a recommitment

Posted by Josie on Jun 3, 2011 in Blogging, Kai, Me, Moments, Photography | 5 comments

Today we rode the steam train. I told Kai as he was falling asleep to think about the best thing from today. He babbled about when the train stopped and I bought him an ice lolly, and as I switched the light off I heard pretend licking and happy sighs.

Permission to be happy, please?

Posted by Josie on May 16, 2011 in Me | 8 comments

This is a post about happiness, or finding it, or being allowed it – I’m not sure which yet.

It’s been ages since I’ve posted. Oops, sorry about that. Last week was mostly about pulling myself out of the Fibro flare-up, which I did, just about, with thanks to enough painkillers to floor a small herd of gazelle, slow walks in the rain while Kai jumped in every puddle, and an especially lovely weekend away to rest and take photos and do other things that reminded who I was again.

I don’t know whether it’s just me, but I sometimes think that when something bad happens, something big like a marriage ending, it’s easy to feel afterwards that you shouldn’t be happy again. Maybe it’s a ‘stop all the clocks’ reaction: the world is never going to be the same again, for all involved and I’m partly responsible for that, or feel it anyway, so maybe my ‘punishment’ is to live in misery.

I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt about the idea of being happy, like it would be a betrayal in some way.  Maybe, if I’m really honest, I felt like I will be judged for being happy. I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be, that I don’t deserve to be, and that others think so too – those mysterious ‘others’ that I always assume are thinking badly of me, it’s ridiculous really. It’s felt safer, more justified, to think of myself as sad and suffering, and I have been, to be fair, but anything that felt even remotely like happiness I have had a tendency to steer away from, or hold at arms length a bit.