Posts Tagged "mummy bloggers"
Screw you structured play and learning stuff! I’m doing just fine…
Do you know the most wonderful thing about blogging? (’cause blogging’s a wonderful thing…)
It is the fact that yesterday I can post one of my usual ‘worrying I’m not doing enough‘ posts and in 24 hours can receive back an overwhelming number of comments of solidarity, reassurance, encouragement and affirmation, and at a time when I most need to hear it too. I’m said it before and I’ll say it again. You guys are AMAZING.
Turns out all of you could relate, or remember feeling the same when your kids were Kai’s ages, or thought I was talking the biggest pile of twaddle you have ever read and kindly left me advice to show me the error of my ways. I felt so much better by all your fantastic advice that I actually went on last night and amended my post, which I’m reproducing here so you can see it:
Amendment:
I have loved the comments on this post. Especially as they come from some of the mum’s I have THE most respect for. You tell me that I’m doing fine and I believe you. Thank you.
So I take it back. I am not shit. Because turns out I am just like you and I think you are AWESOME. So I guess that makes me? Well, not shit anyway.
Thanks. Thanks again. And thanks some more.
Is it stupid that I genuinely feel a huge deal better? Cause I really, really do.
And because the comments are THAT GOOD! and because so many of you seem to secretly feel the same, people like Emma, Sharni, Andrea, Theresa, Dotty, Solveig, I am going to reproduce some of them here: to stand as a testament against insanely irritating structured play and that feeling that you’re failing because you’re not very good at it. Here we go… (it’s also a good way of introducing you to some of my lovely readers!)
Kat from Slugs on the Refridgerator tells me:
“In my personal view, kids do not need to be entertained all the time, in fact they should not be. I don’t know where on earth society came up with the stupid idea that SAHM need to educationally stimulate their kids all the time (though my bet would be on Toys R Us). For the vast majority of human history, kids were just along for the ride. They helped adults do their work or played happily alongside. Kids these days (and parents) have much too high expectations about cramming all this learning and activity into a day, when in fact children’s job is just to play… As for learning, children will learn what they need to learn when they need to learn it.”
Brits in Bosnia said:
“I have a theory that lots of children are over stimulated today anyway; too much time doing structured play with adults and not enough time developing their own abilities to create their own worlds and games. Children need to be bored sometimes as they need to learn how they can entertain themselves and develop their own imaginations.”
The Madhouse (who is probably QUEEN of creative activities in my book!) suggests that:
“…they learn by copying and watching. We have never had structured play at all. It always amazes me when people ask if I taught the boys their numbers and things, no way. I just have fun with them.”
Victoria from It’s a Small World After All is my idol for dreaming up exciting trips with her children so I was very reassured to have her tell me:
“They need to learn to entertain themselves… I’ve always called it benign neglect. I play with my children a bit, but I also expect them to get on with it by themselves. My eldest has the most incredible imagination. And it’s not just me being a proud parent, her teachers always comment on it. I’m sure it’s to do with making up her own games and I feel like it’s something I’ve done really right (unlike most of the things I feel like I’ve done wrong). It’s a gift that will hopefully stand her in good stead. Personally, I’d far rather they were able to turn a bunk bed into a pirate ship than most other things.
And as for ‘teaching’ them their colours, numbers etc, I can tell you that after 3 children, the effort you put into these things in no way reflect the outcome. I spent ages trying to teach the eldest colours etc and she learnt them at exactly the same age as the middle one, who I didn’t bother teaching them to….”
Muddling Along Mummy wisely points out:
“…giving them space to explore and develop on their own is a great gift – better that than being one of those horrid helicopter mums who interfere continually in their child’s life”
Amber, who I admire enormously as a FAB mum admits:
“You know what? I take every little bit of independent play that my kids will give me. It’s actually very enriching for them to go and do their own thing, in their own way. They don’t really need us to give them structure to their play, or make sure they’re reaching their optimal potential, or anything. They can mostly figure it out for themselves.”
And my very lovely friend Mwa (who is always right about everything) popped on late last night to tell me:
“You are fine. And structured play is completely unnecessary. As long as you interact with each other, and do things together, he will be fine. I think in fact that it’s unnatural to have all this structured play with an adult. If it doesn’t feel right, there’s probably some evolutionary reason… Don’t try to do what you’re bad at all the time. Just do what you love and are good at. I’m sure you’ll end up teaching him plenty.
Oh, and while I’m hijacking your blog anyway, I just read that structured learning before about age six is not only unnecessary, it may actually do more harm than good. Just trust Kai’s learning instincts. He will get there his own way, whatever you do.”
So there you go. I am officially LETTING THIS ONE GO! I am doing fine. I may not always have the patience or the energy for lots of structured play and formal learning, but I am NEVER too busy or too tired for a cuddle or a giggle or a game of hide and seek when Kai wants them.
I am also off now to order the book The Idle Parent that some of you recommended, to read whenever I feel under pressure to get the flash cards out.
Thanks again folks. And thanks to Linda, Kelly, Leah, Eileen, Nicola, Weston-Super-Mum, Spiragirl, Heather, Tasha, Erica, Emily, Kathryn, and Kath for al your equally wonderful comments.
Right, I’ve ignored Kai long enough (he’s been busy playing cars and HAVING FUN!… of course) – we’re off to pull some things off supermarket shelves.
Read MoreWriting Workshop: Birthday Love
Welcome back to the Wednesday Writing Workshop link-up! At the bottom of this post you’ll find the widget to post the link to your workshop posts. But first? Well I guess it’s my turn! I’ve chose prompt #5- tell us about your best friend. This was a completely orchestrated move on my part as I’ve had this post planned for a while and it gives me a good excuse to tell you about somebody very special who just may have had a birthday at the weekend… It’s horribly indulgent but I don’t care.
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My dear lovely bestest friend,
So here’s the thing. I couldn’t afford to buy you a very expensive present this year (I was thinking a pink sequined laptop case) and don’t get to see you to give you your real (humbler) present till Thursday so I thought I would send you a virtual outpouring of my undying love and adoration, and put it up here for all the world to see. Because it’s about time people knew what a very special best buddy I really have. I hope that’s ok…. (I’m taking your silence for yes).
Did you know that we have been best friends for over 20 years? That’s a long time. A LOT of memories. Here are just a few of my favourites…
We were about 8 or 9 I think and we were baking – and we somehow managed to spill an entire bottle of food colouring all over your mum’s very posh new tea towels. I have no idea where she was but we used every single cleaning ingredient in the cupboard under the sink to try and clean this tea towel. Including oven cleaner. How we are not dead left with some kind of permanent brain damage from the fumes of our concoction I will never know. Although on second thoughts… maybe that explains lot! Actually we didn’t have much luck with cakes did we? Do you remember those ones that we hid behind your brand new bedroom curtains in preparation for our midnight feast? The ones that melted in the sun and stained them? Your mum went ballistic!!
Upper school at Burton Manor. Sitting with you in Mrs Weaver’s class drawing cartoons about Fagin and Beaky, our two imaginary characters of the time. I think they had been inspired by Oliver Twist where Fagin is in his den with his pet owl – it had cracked us up for some reason. We had all sorts of stupid catchphrases for them and would work them into every conversation in between squeals of laughter, drawing little pictures of them in our projects and school work. I seem to remember Mrs Weaver giving us very stern looks…
And Ed Banger!! Why on earth did we call Mr Kite that? God we were so naughty in his class weren’t we – he pretty much let us run wild! I will never, ever forget that ‘future room’ project where we had to build a model of a room filled with all the things we imagined would be invented the future. We built an entire house! And it had a very complicated working plumbing system as I remember involving straws. Well, I say working… because we left the tank in the ‘attic’ full and overnight it leaked everywhere and stained the carpet. Bless him, Ed Banger still gave us an A+ didn’t he?
Carting our cello’s home to your Grandma’s house where she made us tea with tinned carrots and pudding with custard which I thought were delicious and way better than the food my mum cooked (sorry mum!) I remember going back to her house after our very first solo trip into town on the bus without grown-ups and ecstatically showing her our shopping purchases. Two lumberjacks style checked shirts that were about ten billion sizes too big, and two small matching stuffed dogs with tartan hats. We weren’t exactly fashionistas were we? And I was always horribly envious of your shell suit which you got from Kay’s catalogue (the epitome of posh in my eyes) – mine was a cheapo one from Penkridge Market and no where near as classy.
I think we’ll fast forward through all the bad boyfriends shall we? Suffice it to say we shared some pretty tough experiences in those early teen years. And as always you were there for me, always at the end of the phone or a quick bike ride away. The years pass and I get to watch you turn from the slightly gangly girl I remember so well into the beautiful, stylish, slightly more serious woman that you’ve become. You go away to Uni and come back again – something I will be forever grateful for because it’s then our friendship began all over again – this time with us as ‘grown-ups’ with houses of our own and new husbands and long-term boyfriends who seemed to be taking forever to propose and whole new set of worries and dreams.
Now we get to some really good ones. Finding out after so many months of disappointment that there was a teeny bean in your tummy – I don’t think I had ever been so excited in my entire life. My wedding dress fittings, trying to find you a dress that will accommodate your growing baby bump and then crying when we found one because you looked so beautiful. Being so insanely grateful to see you on the morning of my wedding day because I was so nervous and all the little hand squeezes and smiles that kept me going and helped make it the most perfect wedding day a girl could ever wish for. I love the fact that naughty lion was my secret third bridesmaid that day – tucked away in your teeny tiny bump! No one would have guessed you were nearly 6 months pregnant!
And then all the baby stuff. Oh my word have we talked a lot of baby stuff over the last 3 years!! Meeting your gorgeous monkey for the first time and wanting to scream because you instantly looked so thin and beautiful! And how, despite having done it all before me, you still made me feel, through every week of my pregnancy, like it was all a brand new experience and the most exciting thing to ever happen. ALWAYS being interested in every twinge and rumble and puke and complaint and worry. And telling me every time you saw me how lovely and not-fat and not-horribly pale from all the puking I looked.
Oh god – I could go on all night couldn’t I? How about me screaming and then hysterically sobbing in the office at work when you phoned to tell me about the surprise bean number 2? And every single second I’ve got to spend with you and the ratbag and the beanbag, watching them grow and develop attitudes to match our own!
I shall stop… because I could fill pages and pages.
And through all this? You my love. My beautiful, strong, patient, intelligent friend. Do you know people reading this, that not only does this woman put me to shame every time we meet, managing to look immaculate even if she’s had no sleep. Not ONLY has this woman had two babies in less than 18 months with horrendously difficult pregnancies both times, nursed sick husbands and battled insomnia… she’s also completed and honours degree, a masters and is now submitting PHD proposals. Oh and she bakes and her house is always clean (apart from the sofa). If she wasn’t so lovely we would hate her wouldn’t we?
You are my hero. My lemon bathroom cleaner sniffing, chocca mocca addict, wonderful best friend.
Happy Birthday.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
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So now it’s your turn! What prompt did you choose?
1. Tell us about the most exciting place you’ve ever been too. Try and use all of your senses in your description: what you can see, hear, taste, touch…?
- Suggested by the very well travelled Victoria at It’s a Small World After All
2. Write a recipe for something abstract - i.e. a recipe for a good/bad day, recipe for a perfect Halloween, recipe for a happy mummy/daddy etc.
- Inspired by English Mum’s son’s… umm… unusual recipe for a witches brew this week! Oh, and by one I did ages ago…
3. Write an ‘article’ (and I use that term loosely) about a recent news item or something that you’ve made up, deliberately making it as sensationalist and ridiculus as you can.
- Inspired by the delightful Jan Moir and the Daily Mail in general (link not added – no need to give them more exposure…)
4. What did you want to be when you grew up? Or are you still deciding?!
- Inspired by Maternal Tales from the South Coast’s beautiful message from her daughter.
5. Tell us about your best friend. You can interpret this any way you like – doesn’t have to be a person!
- Inspired by me!
Leave your name and the URL to your post in the MckLinky below (the URL should be to your post not just to your blog) andleave me a comment to let me know you’ve taken part. If you have the time it would be great if you could try and read and comment on at least two other entries. And be kind! It’s supposed to be a bit of fun – we’re not looking for the next Booker Prize winner here!
If you haven’t had chance to respond yet, then you’ve still got today! Or just wait till next week, when there’ll be five brand new prompts to get you thinking.
This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.
Read MoreWhat’s your angle?
Well this is all very exciting – my first post on my spangly new laptop! (yes, I know spangly isn’t a word but it should be and I’m a writer now so can make up new ones whenever I like…)
I NEVER get new toys so this is a bit of a treat. Me and the husband have been having a bit of an issue over laptop usage – since most of my evenings are now spent doing one bit of writing or another, the poor love doesn’t get a look in, looking at movie geek sites or whatever the hell it is he does (most likely playing Football Manager – ahem. Did I mention he was 31 in a couple of weeks?) . Despite the fact that he’s been his usual exceedingly patient and understanding self and not uttered one word of a moan about me forever tap tapping away, it does seem a bit unfair. So when I got some grant money through from the OU we decided to get me a ‘work’ laptop. Partly as a kind of investment in this writing adventure I think. I kind of ’I can do it (because I have a spangly new laptop)’ self-belief present.
In fact, in honour of my new self-belief ‘I can do it’ laptop I am going to make a promise…
I am going to write my first book on this baby. Oh yes I am.
I have no idea what about yet, but that’s a minor point…
Anyway. That’s not what this post is about. Well, it’s kind of what the post is about but only in a very long winded god-are-you-ever-going-to-get-to-the-point kind of way.
I shall get to the point.
The other day sweetie pie Karin at Cafe Bebe wrote about having a blogging confidence crisis – wondering why she was blogging, what did it all mean, whether it was it worth it, worrying that she wasn’t popular, and so on. Now, I think we’ve all been there. In fact, those that know me will know it’s a regular occurrence for me (having had to be dissuaded from deleting half my blog posts just the other day). Blogger’s Wobble is soon going to have to recognised as a certifiable mental affliction amongst the blogging community.
Obviously we all (recognising the symptoms) jumped to Karin’s reassurance that she was doing just fine, to forget the stats and get back to blogging basics – doing it cause you love and it and have something to say.
But some of the (very helpful) comments got me thinking. They echoed what I have heard said time after time about blogging – the importance of voice. Of having a unique personality and selling point for your blog, that ultimately THAT is what makes a blog successful and stand out from it’s ‘competitors’ (and I use that word loosely as that’s SO not what blogging should be about).
Now generally I do OK at keeping the Blogger’s Wobble at bay. I don’t spend TOO much time thinking about stats and ratings, only occasionally stressing over silly things like why I haven’t got many subscribers when I get lots of hits (*sob*). Mostly I’m just so in love with the whole thing that I don’t really stop to think about it.
But this thing about voice, that really struck a cord. You see, the ‘popularity’ thing I can let go, but I do really, really want to stand out from the crowd in terms of most definitely not being ‘just another mummy blog’ and instead having something different and interesting to say. And what I love is that I think I’m finding mine. It’s taken a while to evolve but I’m beginning to get the sense that this blog has a ‘something’ that is mine and unique to me.
So. Here’s my angle.
I am a mummy. I am an aspiring writer. I find motherhood hard and I am honest about that. I blog because I love to connect and to write and play with words and thoughts and ideas.
What’s your angle? Or what would you like it to be?
Or if you don’t know, maybe you should think about it? WHY do you blog? What do you hope to achieve?
I’d really love to know x
Read MoreIt’s time for… The Sleep Deprivation Carnival 2009!
Roll up roll up!
It’s finally here, The Sleep Deprivation Carnival 2009!
Come see the best of the best’s take on the Sleep Deprivation of parenthood. See the incredible whispering squatting woman, the Health Visitor defying rebel, the gymnastic Houdini toddler and the Naughty Sleep Gnome. We’ve got tears, we’ve got desperation, we’ve got the inevitable vomit. And we’ve even got a few rare scenes of nighttime bliss – just to prove it can happen!
Your entrance fee is one subscription to my feed (that is, if you enjoy my blog which I hope you do) and blatant over- the-top-promotion of this carnival on the social networking site of your choice.
I’ll be along shortly with snacks and hot chocolate…
But in the meantime if you’d like to make your way here and I’ll be right with you…
Come on in…!
And when you’ve finished reading don’t forget to check out the freak show, erm… I mean…
The Sleep Deprivation Gallery
Guaranteed to cause a giggle – there’s some real corkers…
Thank you so much to everyone that contributed. I really hope that this carnival will stand as a testament to all the world’s sleep deprived parents for a long time to come. When I can get organised I’ll provide a permanent link to it on the blog’s main page for to access anytime – I really hope you’ll make use of this fantastic resource.
xx
