On giant toddlers, bum cracks and a whole lot of Pooh

It is official.

My son is some kind of giant child.

At not quite 17 months old he is now growing OUT of his 18-24 month clothes. Kai’s freakishly long body are giving his vests a rather slovingly off the shoulder look and revealing about three inches of bare chest which is probably not ideal in December. And although we’re still rolling up trouser legs, Kai’s enormous Buddha belly is putting serious strain on his waist line. And this is AFTER he’s slimmed down quite substantially since learning to walk.

This is not good news. I was hoping our huge bin bag of nearly-new clothes from the last NCT sale (in which I showed SPECTACULAR elbowing and bagsying skill) would get us right the way through winter. But no, Mr-Growth-Spurt has gone and bloody grew. So inconsiderate.

I have to admit though, I kinda love his little bod at the moment. He’s got all lanky, his legs have lost some of their chubbiness and gone all knobby and long. It’s not a baby body any more, it’s a toddler body, complete with requisite bruises, scrapes and bumps.

His toddler body matches his new toddler moves. He’s walking confidently now, even working up to a little tottering run. He still has a tendency to fall over and charge head first into door frames (hence bruises) but his body confidence is growing, as is his stamina and his desire to walk further and further. He’s learnt how to stamp his feet, which has resulted in some interesting new dance moves, and has perfected the adorable toddler squat as he plays his complicated car games, lining them and pushing them round, or two stop in the street and pick up whatever interesting twig or leaf has caught his eye. I could watch him all day. I really could.

One other change resulting from all the growing and moving around has been his nappies. A month or two back I finally had to pack Kai’s cloth nappies away, given that they were now revealing about an inch of bum-crack, cutting into his chunky legs, and having to be ridiculously padded out to cope with the shear volume of toddler wee.

It was a sad day. I shall miss his big bottom look and pegging them out on the line (I defy anyone to tell me a sight more beautiful and satisfying that clean nappies drying in the sunshine). They’ve now been washed (you’ll be glad to know) and packed away ready for the bambino #2 when we decide we’re brave enough to start this crazy journey all over again.

So, Kai’s in disposables full time. And I have to say, I kind of love them!! Scraping sticky excrement of cloth is something I don’t miss in the slightest, and given the potency of Kai’s poos these days it allows you to work fast: remove, contain, get it as far the hell away from you. Aceamundo. Yes I still get the little twinge of guilt when the (biodegradable) plastic bag goes in the wheelie bin, but I figure 15 month of clothy goodness is more than most manage, so I’m not going to beat myself up too much.

Anyway. I’m waffling.

In keeping with my new (guilty) love of Kai’s disposable-clad bee-hind, Sleep is for the Weak is taking part in a little Treasure Hunt run by the Huggies’ blog Enjoy the Ride. For the first 14 days of December they’re posting a clue to lead you to a parenting website or blog. Solve the clue and find Winnie the Pooh’s honeypot and you get given the chance to win one of 7000 prizes from free samples to a family break at Disneyland Paris.

Check out the Discovery Hunt webpage to find out how to play. All the clues so far are up for you to solve, with a new one everyday, and if you play along you may just find yourself back here in a day or two…

It’s a blanket… WITH SLEEVES!!

**WARNING** This post contains images of extreme sleep deprivation and bad bed head. You have been warned (it was a looong night last night!)

Right. Here’s the deal.

You’re going to read my review. The Sleep Deprivation Carnival should be up by Monday afternoon and on Tuesday I will announce the winner of the Slanket competition, all disappointed parties can go and buy one here, and then that’s it.

We’re moving on.

It’s time.

But first, you want to know don’t you? You want to know whether the fleece is really as soft as the mythical Angel Unicorn Sheep of deepest Tibet, whether those sleeves really do envelop your arms in the warmth of a thousand kittens gentle breath. Whether wearing one really does feel like returning to the womb in a transformative and healing regressive experience? Whether it’s REALLY everything we’ve been imagining?

Right??

Well the answer is…emm… no. Come on people – it’s a giant blanket with sleeves. Let’s not get silly.

But it is pretty good I have to admit. In fact it, it’s better than pretty good. Being completely serious I actually think it’s rather brilliant.

Imagine if you will a dressing gown four sizes too big and ten times too long which you put on backwards. It has extra length above the neck to create an extra snuggly cowl effect giving the impression that you are in fact some kind of arctic monk.

Now let me get this absolutely, irrefutably clear. Whilst wearing your Slanket you are going to look very, very stupid. No not even ironically cool, not even kitsch cool. Just stupid. But you will be so warm and cosy that you will simply not care.

It is THE perfect slobbing on the sofa attire, but unlike a vastly inferior regular blanket, leaves your hands free for reading, laptop tapping and wine sipping. It is soft, it is cuddly, it is machine washable for the inevitable jam spillage and chocolate smear (I imagine I’ll be testing this feature pretty soon – I fear there was some definite crumbage last night during a marathon biscuit eating sesh).

We also discovered that it makes the most brilliant Halloween costume (as pictured) – I was channelling ‘Death Eater’ in this one. And I must have been channelling more than I had attended as we noticed a mysteriously ghostly orb on this photo after we’d taken it. Quick! Call Derek Acorah!!

I do however, have the following reservations:

1. It causes unbelievably amounts of static electricity and crackles like a mo-fo when you take it off. Ok not a HUGE problem but it does leave you feeling a bit like a giant lightening conductor and for safety’s sake I would recommend you clear the vicinity of pets and small children before removing your Slanket in case they get set on fire or something. However the bonus static mad-hair points are worth considering.

2. You cannot walk in a Slanket. Don’t try it. Seriously. I have a bruise to prove this.

3. You have to put up with looks from your significant other that very clearly demonstrate that your sexy points have just dropped several leagues. In fact that look hints that they may never touch you again. This worries me.

But I love it. OF COURSE I love it. It’s not supposed to be cool. One look at the Slanket website will tell you that they don’t take themselves or their product  too seriously (check out the ‘latest news’!) And that makeS me love it all the more.

Because I love my new best friends at Slanket I would like to offer up the following ideas for future Slanket spin-offs:

1. The Sweetheart Slanket – double width with FOUR arm holes for Slanket snuggling with your loved one (hopefully rekindling some of the romance lost caused by your partner seeing you Slanketing solo).

2. The Breastfeeding Slanket – with handy velcro flaps for nursing.

3. The Party Slanket – take idea one and just add widths and extra sleeves – enough for you and all your mates. Perhaps with the option of joining both ends for a kind of ’round-the-camp-fire’ option.

Right that’s it. See you tomorrow for the Sleep Deprivation Carnival and keep your ear to the ground on Tuesday for the competition winner. I’m off to do an awful lot of typing and try to erase the word Slanket from my mind.

In any case – I’ve already been tipped off about Sleep is for the Weak’s next big obsession. I’m thinking of a whole snooze-wear feature. PRs? Anyone??