Posts Tagged "Christmas"
Writing Workshop: The girl with faith in her hands
My childhood self sits, bum balanced on the kneeler in front of the pew on which her mother sits, wriggly brother on lap, as she listens to the voice of her father from the front of the church.
In her careful, cupped hands sits the round orange of her Christingle, which she had helped the women of the church assemble that afternoon, one of hundreds, one for everyone, her tummy full of sultanas and raisins that she had spent the time popping into her mouth when no-one was looking. Her nose is filled with the smell of hot wax and the sharp tang of citrus as she watches the flame burn and flicker. Her father’s voice tells what each symbol represents: the orange is the world, red ribbon the blood of Jesus and others that she now forgets. But she doesn’t hear, doesn’t need to, the meanings as familiar, then, to her as the grainy wood of the church pew and the rough, worn fabric of the hymn books, more lost in the candle’s burn, for there seems to be some meaning in that, though she can’t fathom it.
She is six or seven. Utterly safe. Utterly loved. Her world is as certain and steadfast as her father’s confident sermon. That’s what faith is, I guess.
There aren’t many times where I miss the religious aspects of my upbringing. As someone that can find meaning in a dirty puddle these days, or the way the trees move, I never feel like I ‘need’ to believe in a specific religious teaching. Well, it’s more fundamental that, less that I need to believe, more that I just don’t. I’m quite happy enough feeling my way on my own and enormously grateful for the freedom and the sense of peace shaking off most of childhood beliefs has brought me. But as the daughter of a Baptist Minister, my dad later becoming a lay reader in a busy Anglican church, religion has always been something very firmly entrenched in my experience and in my memory.
Christmas is the one time I miss it. I almost ache with it. It’s not a spiritual longing, more a deep-set nostalgia, but I find myself drawn to the churches and the choirs, the candle-lit vigils and the nativity scenes. It makes me feel like a child again. Yes, I think that’s what it is. It makes me feel safe, held in a familiar blanket where everything is certain and predictable, where the sheep always follow the shepherds down the aisle to be placed in the straw filled stable, where you primary concern is whether or not you’ll be chosen to carry one, maybe even one of the more important ones, cradling the the tiny, swaddling-wrapped Jesus solemnly past the rows of the congregation to place him in the manger.
I almost wish I could believe again, maybe even just pretend, just to have that feeling back.
So this Christmas I have a feeling that a girl, now long grown, may be found sneaking back into churches to light a candle and listen to soar of the Christmas carols, her mouth still shaping the words, all of which she remembers. Not to believe, but just to remember.
Yes, I think I would like that a lot.
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This post was written for this week’s Writing Workshop, a mix of childhood remembering and traditions.
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The In-between Bit
So here we are. In this post-Christmas, pre-New Year inbetween bit which I think should have a special name but I can’t think of one. Possibly Leftovers Week, or Tripping-Over-Piles-of-Presents Week, or Kai-Will-Not-Stop-Screaming-Unless-Thomas-Is-On Week. Yes, one of them. Only wittier.
How was yours then? Cause mine pretty much rocked. I’m serious – this has been the best Christmas ever. You know ever so often the planets just seem to align for a moment in a mystical combination that means no one gets ill and nothing gets broken and Kai sleeps through the night for five nights out of seven (oh YES!) and everything, just for a moment, is perfect? It’s been one of THOSE Christmases.
I have lived off delicious food served by lovely people that I didn’t have to make. I have had frequent, long naps. I have received new books and things to make me beautiful and TWO pairs of slippers. I have eaten more Christmas meats than should probably be legal.
And most importantly, I got to see my boy’s face look like this:
and this…
and this…
and THIS…
Needless to say he’s had a brilliant time. He found the present opening bit slightly overwhelming though it has to be said. Because in the toddler mind it of course goes:
“Oooh look a present! I shall unwrap it – I am good at that. HOLY FRICK IT’S A TRAIN!!!! *uncontrollable excitement* I must play with it IMMEDIATELY! Get it out the box dad get it out the box dad get it out the box dad… oh this is amazing. What? Another present? But I’m playing with this one! Give me half an hour or so to gaze at it adoringly and I’ll be right with you…”
After three or four of these he was almost catatonic with the sheer wonder of it all and had to go and have a little lie down for a bit. (In his nap castle… did I tell you he had a NAP CASTLE?! That I can fit in?!!!)
And of course there was the digger. The real life oh-my-god-I-think-I-just-pooed-my-nappy-I’m-so-excited digger.
We’re still going. There are presents to unwrap today, and probably tomorrow too. I have never known such a lucky little boy – thank you so much to all of you that made it so special for him (and by association, so special for me).
We have another busy couple of days ahead of family, food, fun and other things beginning with F. Festivity? Frankincense? Who knows…
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas and are now nicely fat and jolly from mince pie eating and general festive cheer.
See you in a few days xx
Read MoreHave YOU seen Advent Rabbit?
Afternoon.
So Kai is ill, it is cold and I find myself stuck inside with too much time on my hands – the kind of time where I can’t really get anything of real use done that requires any real concentration because I have a boy attached to my lap, but still the kind of time that needs filling, and oooh look my laptop balances just nicely on the arm of the sofa here so I can faff about on the internet and stroke his head at the same time.
Seems like most of us with a child are battling lurgies right now, tis the season and all that. And we’re all feeling a bit bleugh at the weather and the fact we’re all broke and our advent calendars taste like crap.
But never fear dear reader. For I, queen of creative procrastination have come to your rescue to bring you some light in the dark days ahead to keep you going till Chrimbotide.
Those of you that follow me on Twitter will know that I have been serialising the contents of Kai’s advent calendar into a sort of advent mini-drama. If any of you ever watched Sunset Beach (which is quite possible the greatest TV show in the history of LIFE), you’ll find it’s a bit like that only with more disproportionately sized plastic animals (compared to disproportionately sized plastic boobs and botox) and less smouldering but with just as much sex, death and evil twin action.
In any case it seems to have gone down rather well so for the rest of advent I will be bringing you the adventures of “Have YOU seen Advent Rabbit” via the magic of this magical blog.
Come see.
Read MoreBah Humbug – A Christmas Rant
Gah what is it with all you people and your determination to make Christmas last as long as possible?!
Not only have I had to suffer Christmas hitting our high street before Halloween this year, now December 1st has rolled round I’m suddenly met with endless accounts of people with their tree up, presents bought and wrapped, and Christmas cards written.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. But I just start to think about it on the 1st, using the whole advent period to gently warm up to the idea. I put up Kai’s advent calendar last night and got my first little Christmas tingle filling it with various disproportionately sized plastic animals for him to find each day. By the weekend I might just start thinking about doing some Christmas shopping. In another couple of week’s we’ll put the tree up and try a think of a way that we can ensure it survives three weeks of toddler attention. I probably won’t even eat a mince pie for at least another fortnight. This way my excitement builds slowly up to an uncontrollable hysteria on Christmas Eve (where my brother will come and we will play board games and eat our body weight in buffet food), a night lying awake wondering if that sound I just heard really was Santa, not daring to move and thinking that all those unbelievers are going to feel such eejits when they don’t get a Canon SLR under their tree, and then be up at the crack of dawn for a few days of festivities and more food and mulled wine than should probably be legal.
If I started with it all too soon, my excitement would have peaked and waned by the time we gotten half way through advent and I’d be bored and disinterested with the whole thing by the time the big day rolled round. Now fair enough if you personally have the energy to maintain your Christmas Spirit for endless weeks at a time, I just don’t have it in me.
And, for me, having Christmas last a whole month, or even longer, kind of throws out my whole rhythm for the year. Christmas is a specific day, or a few days at most, which is proceeded by ADVENT. Which, if you’re of the non-religious persuasion as I am, means a time of getting ready. If you’ve already got ready then what the frick is the point? You’ve lost all the build-up, all the magic – all you’ve got to look forward to is three weeks of novelty chocolates which I swear are made up of the ground up cardboard of last year’s advent calendars.
*sigh*
I’ll stop ranting now. I don’t mean to wee on your Yule log or anything like that.
I’m just saying, let’s all calm down a bit shall we. We’ve got 24 days people, let’s enjoy them.
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