Writing Workshop Prompts – What Today Meant

Posted by Josie on Jul 4, 2011 in Moments, Writing, Writing Prompts, Writing Workshop | 1 comment

Morning you lot. Hope you’ve all had a good weekend. I have a small, naked pirate on my lap as I type and something smells funny in my kitchen, so all normal here.

While I go and have a read of all your entries from last week, it’s time for you to start thinking about your next one – this week’s workshop is going to be based on a post I wrote yesterday about finding beauty…

(For anyone unfamiliar with my Writing Workshop, have a read all about it and browse old workshops here, or if you’re an old hand at this you can carry on straight to the prompt.)

Prompts

What made you feel alive today? What made today mean something?

Write about a moment, a thought, something you did, something that happened to you, something somebody said to you, that made you stop for a moment. It doesn’t have to big or impressive, just one thing that left you different because of it. Something that felt significant, beautiful, or that just made you feel something. It doesn’t have to have made you feel good, not all days bring us that, but it needs to have touched you.

Try and capture it and pin it down with the words you use.

Finding Beauty

Posted by Josie on Jul 3, 2011 in Me, Moments, Photography | 13 comments

I’m a little obsessed with the idea of finding beauty just now. It’s almost becoming like this daily personal mission. Oh, it’s hard to describe… I’ll have a go.

I can’t bear the thought of wasted days, I think that’s what it is. It’s not that every day has to be endlessly productive, although those have always been my favourite kind of days if I’m honest, it’s more the sense that every day must have some meaning. I don’t mean meaning in the wider, spiritual sense, and I don’t mean it always has to mean something good. but I do like to close my eyes at night feeling like, oh I don’t know, like my world is a bit richer, or deeper. That there was a reason for me to be alive that day and get through to the end of it, even if that reason was pain or the kind of beauty that hurts a little to look at. It’s not always sunlight through trees, my idea of beauty. Sometimes it’s the kind of beauty that looks like dead things on snow. I don’t mean always pretty kind, not always the nice kind, but still full of meaning somehow, even if it hurts like hell.

On ‘Beauty’

Posted by Josie on Feb 15, 2011 in Uncategorized | 30 comments

I had a strange experience the other week. One of those almost out-of-body moments where some internal light-bulb comes on and suddenly you find yourself looking at something with a whole new perspective.

It was on my birthday, and I was sat with my family looking at old photos. It was one of the happiest evenings I have had for a long time, full of love and laughter and all the things that our slightly unconventional but beautifully functioning family are good at. We shared memories as we flicked through albums, and I found myself faced with a flicker-book story of my childhood, and, more strikingly, of the physical change from a scrunched-up hours-old newborn, to a leggy, punky teenager.

The strange bit came when, for a moment, I somehow forgot that I was looking at myself, lost in images of this metamorphosis, and I found myself thinking, “what a beautiful girl she was”. And then I remembered: that girl was me.

I think, that moment, was the first time I ever really, truly, without any trace of doubt, thought of myself as beautiful. And the realisation and implication of that knocked me sideways.

I grew up absolutely, fundamentally convinced that I was hideous. I’m not really sure why. I had loving, affirming parents who never made an issue out of food, or weight, or fashion (ha! no, fashion definitely not a focus for our family, if you could see our photos!) And yet, I have memories of myself even as young as nine or ten absolutely convinced I was fat and ugly.

Here I am, at ten years old, splashing in the fountain at Trafalgar Square (before the days when you got in trouble for that sort of thing…)

I look at that picture now and the reality of how far my self-perception was from the truth actually makes me feel a little bit ill. I mean, for God’s sake, even with the baggy t-shirt on you can see that I was hardly needing to worry about losing a few pounds. And yet I can actually remember that feeling, looking at the little swell of my pre-pubescent tummy, and the slightly angular shape of my nose and thinking, at ten years old, “I am fat and will never be beautiful”.

And what scared me MORE was that recently I have realised that I have felt like that way EVER SINCE. The way I feel about my body, and about the way, I look is something that I’ve not even really given voice to, even expressed, because, do you know what? I thought it was normal to feel like this! I didn’t question it, because I took it as fact!

For most of my early twenties I battled with weight as an inevitable consequence of being almost entirely immobile and having to survive on a cocktail of medications. I was, at one point, probably three times the size I am now. And, even if it was only temporary, it only went to reinforce my sense that I was big. I almost excused myself for hating myself – I was allowed to – I was ‘enormous’. I felt it was justified, telling myself that once I was thin again I would feel better. I remember thinking the same thing after I had had Kai. Weight-loss became a quest for regaining the ‘real me’.

But do you know what? I’m thin now and I don’t feel any different. I feel pretty much the same at a size 8-10 as I did as a 18-20.

I still agonise over my perceived ‘fat’, the slightest fluctuation in weight, in size. I look in horror at the shadows under my eyes; I still can’t look at myself in photos taken at certain angles, feeling physically quite sick at being confronted with something that I see as so flawed.

And from that, the bombshell hits. It’s never going to be good enough, is it? How thin is ‘thin enough’? What does my face have to look like for me to finally be happy with it?

I’d like to say I was doing better these days. I think I am, actually, I’m getting there. I do at least get a sense that the way I see my body and myself is probably not as accurate as I have been perceiving it. If I can look at that photo of a ten year old me and see how wrong I was about how I felt then, what will I think in another ten or twenty years when I look at photos of myself now? And I have been made to look at myself through new eyes recently, made to question how the view I hold of myself might be dramatically different from the way someone else sees me.

I feel lucky that none of this spiralled into a full-blown eating disorder. I think it could have done, actually, and I’m not going to lie and say that I have an altogether healthy relationship with food all the time. And I am well aware that in a sense I got off lightly here – my self-image has been mostly an internal struggle but for many more people that I know and love, their own struggles with appearance have manifested into destructive patterns, some that have completely dominated their lives. If anything I think the fact that this has been something that has quietly bubbled away under the surface makes it just as powerful – I probably represent a fairly typical woman. And that scares the shit out of me. How many of us feel like this?

So where did it come from, all this? Why the hell do I feel like this? Why do WE feel like this, cause I know I’m not the only one.

Well, to be honest, I don’t know. But yesterday I followed a link via my (very beautiful) friend Life Slightly Used to an Australian blog written by writer Mia Freedman.

Mia shared this video, and it made me stop, and it made me write this post, too.

If you’ve ever felt like me, or have daughters or sisters, or sons, even, cause I know this doesn’t just affect girls, then I really would suggest you watch it too.

Maybe we can’t ‘fix’ our self image just like that, but watching things like this might at least help us understand why we might feel like we do:

Beauty, Courage, Family and Nature – the work of Sky Blue Sea

Posted by Josie on Jan 21, 2011 in Art, Artists, Giveaways | 7 comments

It’s Friday (I think? Is it? Long week!) and today I’m honoured to be featuring the next in my series of designers, artists, and craftspeople with some especially beautiful things to show you, and a giveaway too.

The thing I’m enjoying most about running this feature isn’t just finding new things to fall in love with, it’s meeting and getting to know the people behind them. Today’s artist is someone I could really relate to: a mother with a fierce creative spirit, trying to juggle ways to create and express herself as well as make a living alongside her life juggling a busy family.

Suzanne Harulow of Sky Blue Sea is a textile and freelance artist. As well as her work as a community artist, working in schools and running workshops and training courses, Suzanne hand-makes and sells a range of stunning bespoke and personalised gifts, textile pieces and textile art. Each one is unique, with no two hand-stitched patterns or fabrics ever being exactly alike. I love that.

I love her style. Delicate, rustic, vintage pieces with the cool blues and greens of the sea, and soft pinks and creams of cottage gardens. It’s nostalgic, and charming, and pretty in the kind of way that makes you want to have it wrapped in tissue paper and sent to yourself. I think these are the kind of gifts and treasures that would inspire you, relax you. They make you think of family, and beauty – the sort of objects that anyone would want to surround themselves with.

Mostly I love how Suzanne’s own personality shines though, as I have got to know her a little over the last few days. Reading Suze’s beautiful blog I have been struck by her brave creativity, her courage to experiment and take risks, and to look for beauty in the things around her. Much like me, she’s battled periods of creative frustration and low confidence, and I have been really inspired by how she has found ways to work through that, and to inspire others in turn.

Suzanne’s work is available to buy through her Etsy Shop or  via Not On The High Street.com. All can be personalised and would make gorgeously one-of-a-kind gifts. Suzanne is also starting to exhibit some of her stunning art work, drawings and paintings at NeoArtists.

Looking through her sites this week, my absolute favourite piece were Suzanne’s personalised quote bookmarks and I’m delighted to say that Suze has offered one to give away to one of my readers. Your bookmark will be personalised with your choice of initial, charm, and a quote of up to about 14 words to make it completely personal to you.

All you have to do is leave me comment, but I want you to tell me something. First of all, have a look at Suzanne’s shop and tell me which piece is your favourite and why, and then tell me about how YOU plan to be brave in 2011.

The giveaway is open to all UK residents and closes at midnight on Wednesday 26th January when a winner will be chosen at random.

For an extra, bonus entry, please follow @skyblueseasky on Twitter and tweet about the competition by making use of the share buttons at the top and bottom of the post. Make sure you use the hashtag #skybluesea so I can keep track of your entry.

Blue Sky Blue also has a Facebook page so get a-liking to keep track of news and new product updates.

Good luck! And thank you to Suzanne. Here’s to a courageous 2011 for all of us x

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If you’re an artist or a designer or own a small business offering unique and interesting products and would be interested in me having me feature your work here in return for a small giveaway or discount for my readers, I would love to hear from you. Just use the contact form here.