I had some fun with my post this week – something a bit different for you. Inspired by prompt number #4 – my life in a parallel world, this is not exactly the life I would choose, but one I can imagine. I wrote it all out in one sitting and am not letting myself edit it (for once), so see what you think…

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The girl pressed her forehead to the cold glass and watched as the postman opened the gate and made his way to the front door of her apartment building. The mist was finally lifting from Richmond Park, and from her vantage point the girl looked on as the shapes of oak and beech trees gradually emerged from the gloom. The trail of breath the postman left hanging in their air as he returned to his bike suggested it was going to be another below-zero kind of day, and the black Labrador pushing eagerly at her foot was met with only a frown and a shake of the head as she pulled her legs in closer to her, and her cardigan more closely round her thin body.

“No chance,” she grumbled, “no walk till it’s warmed up a bit. Besides, I have a million things to do”.

But she didn’t move. Not yet. Instead she sighed and wincing slightly at the sound of movement in the next room, glanced over to the half-open bedroom door. Jeez, that had been a mistake. Was he awake? Oh god, what if he wanted to stay for breakfast? What if he wanted to talk? Maybe a walk wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe if she went now he’d be gone before she got back.

Too late.

“Morning beautiful”.

She smiled faintly as he leaned lazily against the door frame, stretching up and letting his finger tips graze the lintel. His brown eyes were heavy and dark with sleep. And something else too. The things that had made her heart race and her head pound as she’d spotted him through the groups of pretentious intellectuals sipping at home-made cocktails and trading passive-aggressive insults. He had been an artist, of course, they always were. Drawn to the idea of a real-life poet and writer, and one on the best-seller lists too, although she hated when people made a big deal of that. It had only been one book, and one she wasn’t particularly proud of either. Like many before him, the boy, for that’s all he was, had deftly used discussions of light and words and how fucking boring all these bloody lawyers and journalists and PR losers were, to make her smile and draw away to a quiet corner of the room, and later, to an even quieter taxi, whispering in her ear how much he wanted her. How he felt such a connection to her.

They all felt such a god-damn connection to her. Pity she never seemed to feel one back, or not for long anyway.

Sighing again, she swung her legs down from the high window sill and padded across the room to her desk.

“Time to go Tom. I’m sorry but I have to work.”

She sat, opening the laptop in front of her, pausing only to close her eyes briefly as the rough hand touched her neck. Lips in her hair, on her forehead.

“Ok Jo, no worries. I know you have a deadline. Call me when you’re done ok?”

Nodding, her fingers already on the keyboard, she barely heard the sound of the front door closing, already lost in words -the pressure of two new chapters needing to be on her publisher’s desk by the morning making her ears buzz and her nerves twitch.

It had to be good. No, it had to be more than good: it had to be prefect.

A best-selling book deal at 25 leaves a hell of a lot of expectations on a girl. There was no room for failure with book number two.

Taking two years to wander the globe – looking for what, she wondered? – had not been enough. Not enough to stop the emails and the letters from landing heavily on her shoulders as she settled back into London life. What was coming next? They all wanted to know. What was she working on?

She stopped.

A morning had passed. Her stomach growling from the memory of last night’s snatched sandwich and her head pounding from a morning’s frantic writing.

Feeling the familiar creep of panic, her eyes blurring as she pressed the palms of her hands sharply into her brow, the girl ignored the ringing phone to stumble, blindly into her bedroom, and crawl protectively under the thick duvet. It still smelt of him, an odd mixture of white spirit and Lynx deodorant that made her stomach turn in a horrible, sickening lurch.

What was she doing?

Was this really the life had always dreamt of? The success she had imagined?

The low ache, the inexplicable feeling of loss was stronger today. What did it mean? This feeling of missing something so fundamental to her happiness, when she had so much?

Money, fame, a head full of adventures and a line of young, eager men just ready to fill her world and her bed with passion and make her feel young and beautiful.

She closed her eyes. And dreaming, dreamt of soft blue eyes and softer hands.

Wedding vows spoken over pink roses.

And blonde hair, a child’s wild laugh, shining bright in the sunlight.

———————————–

Now, it’s your turn:

1. Take the time to talk to an elderly relative or friend and share with us a story of theirs. Or perhaps tell us a favourite story you remember being told by/about someone you have lost.
- Inspired by New Day New Lesson’s beautiful and thought-provoking post reminding us to take the time to learn our heritage before it’s too late.

2. Tell me about a time you walked in another person’s shoes, and how it changed your perspective of them.
- Inspired by Kerry’s post from “And then all I thought about was you” about spending a day doing her dad’s job

3. What war is raging in your house? What are your family’s battles right now?
- Inspired by Vegemitevix’s PS3 house invasion!

4. Imagine there is another ‘you’, living in a parallel universe. As CJ so beautifully put it in her post “Putting aside your contentment in this life, imagining you could choose another…” what would you chose for your ‘other’ life?
- Inspired by the lovely Crystal Jigsaw’s musings on Parallel Worlds

5. What is making you feel under pressure right now?
- Inspired by me, and my endlessly self-imposed need to do better.

Leave your name and the URL to your post in the MckLinky below (the URL should be to your post not just to your blog) andleave me a comment to let me know you’ve taken part. If you have the time it would be great if you could try and read and comment on at least two other entries. And be kind! It’s supposed to be a bit of fun – we’re not looking for the next Booker Prize winner here!

If you haven’t had chance to respond yet, then you’ve still got today! Or just wait till next week, when there’ll be five brand new prompts to get you thinking.

This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.

Related posts:

1. Writing Workshop: Life Lines
2. Writing Workshop: Back Room Ramblings
3. Writing Workshop: Oh Bother

You remember how I was pushing too hard? How everything was piling up and up and you all told me something was going to have to give?

You remember how tired I’ve been?

Yeah. About that…

The Fibromyalgia is back. With great big teeth. The kind that seem to have dug in and aren’t letting go.

Here are the rules.

1. After this post I am not going to talk about it any more. I am hoping this will only last another week or so, but potentially this could be part of my life for quite some time. I refuse to let it dominate my blog, what I talk about, or how you see me.

2. After this post YOU are not allowed to talk about it any more. For all the above reasons. Because, as much as I appreciate your support (and I really, really do) I do not want the only thing I talk about with you, whoever you are, to be how much pain I happen to be in today or whether I’ve managed to get off the sofa. It is boring. It is beyond boring, it is duller than a dull thing on a very dull day. In the shade. DULL.

3. There is going to have to be a lot of humour. Expect it in large manic doses. And dish it out too please. There is to be absolutely no taking me seriously whatsoever. If I moan, take the piss out of me. Immediately.

4. If you live close by you are very welcome to come and visit me. Even if I give the impression that I just want to be left alone, even if I DO want to be left alone, I cannot spend day after day stuck in with no company, if only for Kai’s sake, so come and see me. And bring cake.

5. If I don’t text, if I don’t blog, if I don’t tweet, if I don’t comment on your blogs, it does not mean I have gone anywhere or that I am not thinking about you. Because I am, always. But my ability to concentrate is being seriously curtailed by the hoards of fire ants currently feasting on my deep muscle tissue. And because pain and not being able to move comes with an almighty plummet in both my self confidence and ability to be even vaguely entertaining. Honestly, you might be better off without me for a bit.

6. My new priorities in life are now breathing, knitting, catching up on two years worth of TV series, and working out how the hell I am supposed to be a good mother when I can’t move. Appropriate messages and tweets will therefore include “how’s the knitting going?”, “have your remembered to breathe in the last five minutes?” and “get off your ass you lazy cow and go eat something”.

7. You are not allowed to tell me about special diets, or magical crystals, or God, or anything else. Even if you’re only trying to help, which I know you are and I love you for it. I have had this illness for pretty much my whole life and believe me have tried everything going. The only way this goes away is with patience, time and more patience. Oh and Yoga. And heat. And it WILL go. There’s just not a lot I can do in the meantime except ride it out.

8. You are not allowed to say any nice things about me whatsoever. Because I will cry and then I will come and pound you.

9. You must all keep sending me lots of interesting, exciting things to do and new things to work on and think about. You must not be afraid to share your problems because you will be ‘bothering me’. Because I need to keep busy. There will be no ‘we should just let Josie rest’ crap. If I can’t handle something at that particular time I promise I will be honest and tell you.

10. The most important rule of all. This is not allowed to last long. Ok? You hear me body?

No related posts.

For any newbies (and it’s never to late to join in), here’s how it works… I’m going to give you 5 writing/blogging prompts. Pick one, pick two, or do them all if you’re really keen – it’s up to you. How you respond is your choice. You could share a real-life story, or make one up. You could write a poem or just free-write without thinking too hard and see what happens. It can be funny; it can be serious; it can be emotional. It can be whatever you want it to be. The only rule is to have fun with it!

Prompts each week will take their inspiration from blogs, current affairs, daily life, or just whatever everyone happened to be talking about that week. If you’d like to suggest a prompt then send me an email or catch me on Twitter – I would love to hear your ideas.

So here they are:

1. Take the time to talk to an elderly relative or friend and share with us a story of theirs. Or perhaps tell us a favourite story you remember being told by/about someone you have lost.
- Inspired by New Day New Lesson’s beautiful and thought-provoking post reminding us to take the time to learn our heritage before it’s too late.

2. Tell me about a time you walked in another person’s shoes, and how it changed your perspective of them.
- Inspired by Kerry’s post from “And then all I thought about was you” about spending a day doing her dad’s job

3. What war is raging in your house? What are your family’s battles right now?
- Inspired by Vegemitevix’s PS3 house invasion!

4. Imagine there is another ‘you’, living in a parallel universe. As CJ so beautifully put it in her post “Putting aside your contentment in this life, imagining you could choose another…” what would you chose for your ‘other’ life?
- Inspired by the lovely Crystal Jigsaw’s musings on Parallel Worlds

5. What is making you feel under pressure right now?
- Inspired by me, and my endlessly self-imposed need to do better.

Now here’s what you have to do. Write your post and publish it on your blog between now and THURSDAY. On Thursday come back and use the widget that will be up to paste in the URL of your post to share. Then take some time to read some of the other entries and leave some comment love! We’re not here to critique – just to have fun and support each other in our writing experiments. So be kind please.

Anyone who would like to submit something via email, or even anonymously will be more than welcome to do so. I’ll post them on the site here and include the link in Thursday’s round-up.

Feel free to use the Workshop badge on your blog or as part of your post if you like. Code is here:

<a href=”http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk”><img src=”http://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj90/flowerfairy82/WritingWorkshopBadge.jpg”></a>

Note: I’m told Blogger does something a bit funny with the code so you’ll need to copy and paste it and then retype the quotation marks (“) as Blogger changes them for some reason.

See you Thursday then!

——————————————————–

This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.

Related posts:

1. Writing Workshop #11 – Voices in your head & false assumptions
2. Writing Workshop #14 – Childhood Passions and a Fantasy Shopping Spree
3. Writing Workshop #15 – Old Fashioned Attitudes and Inner Demons

So it’s with great interest and fascination that I watch Kai begin to develop his own first friendships.

What makes it even more special is that these friendships are with the daughters of the one friend who refuses to let me run away. Who knows to give me a little prod when I’ve disappeared for a while, and who, after over twenty years of friendship, knows me just about as well as anyone else alive. I’ve talked about her before, and about all the things we’ve shared, but watching our three tearaways interact and grow up together is by far the most meaningful and beautiful thing we have shared yet.

Kai, Lou-Lou and the Beanbag (nicknames Ben, don’t worry…) are rapidly becoming a very close trio.

Little Beanbag is just six months younger than Kai, an age gap that seems to grow smaller and smaller as they grow. Kai is completely enamoured with her, spending most of the time in her company babbling earnestly away at her while she smiles adoringly back, or passing her little tit bits of food to eat, or giving her toys to hold. He feels very safe around her, the boy that tends to feel overwhelmed around children his age. It helps, of course, that she happens to be the most angelic, good natured, sunny little girl you could ever hope to meet. I’d defy anyone not to fall in love with her so it’s not wonder Kai is smitten.

Kai’s relationship with Lou-Lou, however, is a little more tempestuous, and all the more fascinating because of it. Lou-Lou is eleven months older than Kai and in some ways has a similar personality. While Kai is the thinker, the quiet one, Lou-Lou is a whirling dervish of energy and excitement, but both have at their heart an acute sensitivity and temperamental nature (and both of whom are slowly turning their mothers in to little puddles of exhaustion and frustration as we wonder how on earth to manage them!). Like Kai, Lou-Lou struggles with how to relate to children her age, getting easily overwhelmed when things feel out of her control.

And yet, somehow, they are finding an understanding in each other. For all the tears and fallings-out over who is going to hold the tractor, or the helicopter, or eat the cake that day, they still rush to greet each other excitedly every time they meet – Lou-Lou, at two and a half already as eloquent and articulate as a much older child, telling my wordless boy all about the world as he listens intently back.

Yesterday Lou-Lou and Kai discovered holding hands, weaving a way through the town centre as if they were the only two people in all the world.

It was a sight that left their mothers brimming with tears and pride and love.

We all need a hand to hold sometimes.

I will always been inordinately grateful for the fact that Kai has two such special friends in his life that I know will share this journey with him.

I can’t wait to watch their friendships grow and blossom. Perhaps in another twenty or so years they’ll be watching their children get to know each other too?

I hope so.

Related posts:

1. Make friends, make friends, never ever break friends

We have had lots of lovely new people joining us this last couple of weeks. If you’ve been taking part in the workshop for a while PLEASE look out for them when looking through the list of other entries. I’d really like all of you to take the time to visit the blog of someone you haven’t visited before today, to comment on their entry and encourage them in their participation – thank you. It takes some people a lot of courage to ‘put themselves out there’ like this. Let’s all encourage each other to be brave and share our words by supporting each other – a comment says “I have read, I have listened, I have heard you”.

At the bottom of this post you’ll find the widget to post the link to your workshop posts. First of all it’s my turn. I’ve chosen prompt number two: my inner-demons. Hard to write this one…

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I guess it’s probably apparent to my readers now what my big inner-demon is right now.

I can’t stop. I can’t slow down. I can’t let go.

I’m frightened about what will happen if I do.

I define myself by my achievements, by the noise I’m making, by the things I am creating.

I make my mark with words and with pictures, an endless stream, to tell the world I AM HERE. I exist.

Please see me.

If I stop, if I let the words dry up, if I miss an opportunity, a dialogue, an opening. If I step-back and and just be, let go, who will see me then?

Who will I be?

Who will respect me?

How can I be ’something’ if I’m not doing anything?

Time pushes me forwards, faster and faster. I must fill it. I must make something of it. I must not waste my time.

My time is so short, so precious. I must fill it with perfection. I must make every minute COUNT.

Perfect mother, successful writer, respected friend.

I must be them all. I must be good. I must make my corner shine and dazzle.

Every word must be polished, must change the world. There can be no average, no hum-drum.

I must impress.

In a world where I feel like I fade into the background, I have to shout. I have to SCREAM.

With my words. With my achievements. With my son. The way I show the world what I can do, what I have made.

They’re all I have.

If I stop screaming will I disappear?

If I stop, will I even exist any more?

Can you see me? Please?

Are you listening?

———————————

So now it’s your turn.

1. Introduce to us all the different facets of yourself. How many different ‘you’s’ are there?
- Inspired by Kelly’s beautiful post ‘The separate people living under my skin’

2. What demon(s) are you battling with right now?
- Inspired by My Baby Adventure who is finding it hard to keep to her diet!

3. Tell me about a side to yourself that makes you feel a little old fashioned… what is it about modern day life that irks you?
- Inspired by Sandy at Baby Baby’s not-at-all-old-fashioned attitude towards modern manners

4. Recount a time when you erupted – when you just couldn’t keep it in any more!
- Inspired by Bare Naked Mummy who tackled some long standing issues - volcano stylee!

5. Introduce us to a book that changed your life.
- Inspired by ME! and my musings on Extroverts and Introverts after reading a challenging book this week.

Leave your name and the URL to your post in the MckLinky below (the URL should be to your post not just to your blog) andleave me a comment to let me know you’ve taken part. If you have the time it would be great if you could try and read and comment on at least two other entries. And be kind! It’s supposed to be a bit of fun – we’re not looking for the next Booker Prize winner here!

If you haven’t had chance to respond yet, then you’ve still got today! Or just wait till next week, when there’ll be five brand new prompts to get you thinking.

This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.

Related posts:

1. Writing Workshop #15 – Old Fashioned Attitudes and Inner Demons
2. Writing Workshop: Forgotten
3. Writing Workshop: Oh Bother

I try hard to still find beauty in a day like today but it is not easy.

It IS there if you look for it though, really, really closely:

It’s here:

and here:

and here:

and,

if I look really hard, past the tantrums and the frustration and unbelievably early start and the no-nap disaster that is today, it’s even here.

Yes, especially here:

These photographs were taken for The Gallery over at Sticky Fingers in response to lovely Tara’s photography prompt this week: Beauty. You can see the rest of the beautiful images here.

No related posts.

A flicker-show of thoughts and worries plays on the back of my brain in a constant, dim haze. Ever so often one with extra clout will leap out of me at full volume. A doubt, an anxiety, a feeling of guilt or pressure. SOMETHING. It will make my heart beat a little faster before slipping onwards, before the wave of fatigue sweeps me back into numbness.

I am seriously tired. Even for me. Tired to the point of losing the little spacial awareness I have at the best of times. Tired to the point of losing my ability to string more than half a dozen words together. Tired to the point that my eye sight is poor again.

Really tired.

A month long illness has catapulted Kai back into the realms of sleeplessness. Wake-ups are getting earlier and earlier – 5am if I’m lucky, and that’s often after long sessions of restless tossing and turning throughout the night and many tears. I know it won’t last but right now it’s close to finishing me off.

I am hopeless at getting up early. Even after nearly 20 months of very rarely sleeping past 6am I am not used to it. I struggle to fall asleep much before 11pm, however tired I am. I’ve always worked best later at night – it’s the time when my brain seems to come alive and earlier bedtimes usually just mean a couple of hours lying awake watching the flicker-show again. If I’m lucky I’ll get six hours, lately nearer four or five with time spent settling Kai through the night.

Mornings are spent battling the effects of the night before. My body shakes, I find myself falling asleep if I sit so roam around in an endless fog to try and keep myself awake. If Kai has an earlyish nap I gratefully pass out for an hour but wake-up groggy and unrefreshed. However part of my strategy for trying to get Kai to sleep a little later and not be too wiped before bed is to make sure his nap is late enough in the day to give him a good rest, by which point the adrenaline has kicked in and I struggle to switch off. I live for the weekends when Ant can watch Kai and I can go back to bed, and where I would stay the whole weekend if only I could.

I know not all if it is the lack of sleep. The Fibromyalgia plays a part too – it makes my body less efficient at recharging and adds muscle aches and a feeling of being muddled, like I’m moving through thick custard that don’t help.

I’m sorry. This isn’t making very interesting reading is it? I did have a point somewhere…

Ah yes. That was it. I just needed you to understand how tired I am right now so you get what I’m trying to say.

There are a lot of things right now which I need to change. Things that I know will make my life better. Things that I need to change about myself, about my routine, my attitudes, my thinking. Things I want to do.

But I am just too tired.

It sounds pathetic doesn’t it? A complete wimp out of responsibility and self-motivation.

One thing I hate in life is an ‘I can’t’ mentality. I’ve always been an ‘I can’ kinda girl. I make stuff happen, me. I sneer at people who are forever making excuses, forever opting out. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing.

And yes, I know I know. You’re all going to tell me to go easy on myself, that I can’t do everything, and you’re probably right.

But what I want to know is, when is it right to just give-in, surrender to the fatigue until things change on their own and inevitably more energy comes, and when is it right to push, to fight through the fog and not let it rule my life?

I consider myself a strong person. I think one of my best traits is an amazingly persistent instinct for self-preservation and survival. Nothing ever stops me for long. I have learnt that even when I feel at my most low, most overwhelmed, or blocked or anything else, if I give it time SOMETHING will kick in and pull me out again. A new idea, or a new inspiration will come from somewhere and push me forward, even if it’s just a little way.

But I don’t want to sit and wait now. I don’t have the energy to do the things that make me happy. I’m increasingly slipping into more and more unhealthy habits and tendencies, things that aren’t doing me or Kai, or Ant for that matter, any good at all. I’m withdrawing more and more from my friends, retreating into myself more. My confidence is at an all time low. Those relationships and friendships that I seem to have lost lately I’m finding harder and harder to rekindle and establish contact. Online friendships increasingly leave me feeling easily hurt and left-out, even if those feelings are completely unfounded.

Most importantly, getting up so early, being so unbelievably wiped in the morning and needing Kai to have a good nap at home in order for us both to survive the day, is making it harder and harder to get to morning playgroups and other social activities (and I can’t find any later ones) – I just don’t have it in me. Given how hard Kai finds social interaction anyway, I know I need to make this a priority but…

…yep you guessed it. I’m just too tired.

I AM trying. I’m trying to remember to eat, to go to bed earlier, to sleep during nap-times rather than write or browse online. This week I’m working hard on projects for Kai, trying to make his environment a bit more enabling and ‘Kai friendly’. But I am so aware of all the balls I’m dropping right now. My family, my friends, my virtual projects and pals. Myself.

Do I need to just try harder? Is it simply a case of mind over matter?

Or should I accept that the greater force rules and find a way to ‘make do’ till this time passes. Even if it’s to mine and my family’s detriment?

How about you? Are you ever too tired to change, even though you know you really need to? How do YOU deal with it?

No related posts.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the people who took the time to email and leave me lovely comments. It really does mean the world to me.

AND… turns out that there are a few people who are still lurking on the sidelines trying to pluck up the courage to post something. If that’s you, then PLEASE don’t be nervous! We’re all in it together, all learning together, so please don’t worry about ‘not being good enough’ – just have a go.

For any newbies (and it’s never to late to join in), here’s how it works… I’m going to give you 5 writing/blogging prompts. Pick one, pick two, or do them all if you’re really keen – it’s up to you. How you respond is your choice. You could share a real-life story, or make one up. You could write a poem or just free-write without thinking too hard and see what happens. It can be funny; it can be serious; it can be emotional. It can be whatever you want it to be. The only rule is to have fun with it!

Prompts each week will take their inspiration from blogs, current affairs, daily life, or just whatever everyone happened to be talking about that week. If you’d like to suggest a prompt then send me an email or catch me on Twitter – I would love to hear your ideas.

So here they are:

1. Introduce to us all the different facets of yourself. How many different ‘you’s’ are there?
- Inspired by Kelly’s beautiful post ‘The separate people living under my skin’

2. What demon(s) are you battling with right now?
- Inspired by My Baby Adventure who is finding it hard to keep to her diet!

3. Tell me about a side to yourself that makes you feel a little old fashioned… what is it about modern day life that irks you?
- Inspired by Sandy at Baby Baby’s not-at-all-old-fashioned attitude towards modern manners

4. Recount a time when you erupted – when you just couldn’t keep it in any more!
- Inspired by Bare Naked Mummy who tackled some long standing issues - volcano stylee!

5. Introduce us to a book that changed your life.
- Inspired by ME! and my musings on Extroverts and Introverts after reading a challenging book this week.

Now here’s what you have to do. Write your post and publish it on your blog between now and THURSDAY. On Thursday come back and use the widget that will be up to paste in the URL of your post to share. Then take some time to read some of the other entries and leave some comment love! We’re not here to critique – just to have fun and support each other in our writing experiments. So be kind please.

Anyone who would like to submit something via email, or even anonymously will be more than welcome to do so. I’ll post them on the site here and include the link in Thursday’s round-up.

Feel free to use the Workshop badge on your blog or as part of your post if you like. Code is here:

<a href=”http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk”><img src=”http://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj90/flowerfairy82/WritingWorkshopBadge.jpg”></a>

Note: I’m told Blogger does something a bit funny with the code so you’ll need to copy and paste it and then retype the quotation marks (“) as Blogger changes them for some reason.

See you Thursday then!

P.S. And if you fancy plugging this workshop on the social network of your choice? Then that would be fan-frigging-tastic.

——————————————————–

This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.

Related posts:

1. Writing Workshop #11 – Voices in your head & false assumptions
2. Writing Workshop #14 – Childhood Passions and a Fantasy Shopping Spree
3. Writing Workshop #16 – Under Pressure and Parallel Worlds

They catapult you down new roads of interests and discoveries, or they bring new insight into something you have been struggling with, or they just leave you feeling lighter and more at peace with yourself and the world.

‘Women Who Run With the Wolves’ was probably one of them. ‘Sophie’s World’ almost certainly another.

Right now I’m reading ‘Raising Your Spirited Child’ by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and it is blowing my fricking mind.

I’m only a few chapters in but already it is really making me think and do a whole internal shift around. About Kai (who I SWEAR Mary had in mind when she was writing it, 16 years before he was born!) and what his behaviour and ‘needs’ might be telling me, and about myself as a parent – why it is I struggle so much with him and what I might be able to do to make our life together more manageable.

I will no doubt end up blogging more about the ideas and challenges it presents. I’m not naive enough to think it holds all the answers to my problems and that somehow after reading it Kai will morph into a super easy and compliant child, or that I will morph into a super patient and wise parent, but it does feel like a little glimmer of hope in the dark and I am holding on to that.

One of the first concepts the book talks about is the idea of Introversion and Extroversion, not just our children, but in terms of ourselves as well.

The idea springs from my friend Mr Jung again, who suggests that if we take Introverted and Extroverted behaviour as a spectrum, all of us will slot in more towards one or the other. In other words, even if we all show some characteristics of both, we will, fundamentally be either an introvert or an extrovert in that we will fall more naturally towards one tendency or the other.

Raising Your Spirited Child works through a series of questions that help you to identify both where your child and yourself fall along that spectrum. By working out which tendency we take, it helps us to work out the motivations behind both our child’s behaviours and our own reactions to them as well as the things we need to do, for our children and for ourselves to help us feel happy and energised . It’s quite fascinating!

I won’t go into it in huge detail, especially in terms of children’s Introverted or Extroverted natures which is a whole other post, but I am curious to know: which are you? As a person and/or as a parent? An Introvert or an Extrovert?

Here’s some prompts to help you decide. Like I say, you’ll probably find you agree with statements from both but see which one you’re more drawn towards:

If you are an Extrovert, you probably:

• After a hard day, you need to talk to someone, either in person or on the phone
• Are quite gregarious and outgoing
• Enjoy being around people and feel energized by company
• Think quickly and need to talk-out your ideas, thoughts and experiences
• Need and like to hear that others love you and like your work
• Solve problems by talking them through with someone else
• Feel comfortable initiating conversations
• Sometimes feel guilty for talking too much and not listening enough
• Feel exhausted if you have spend too much time on your own or without adult company
• Enjoy sharing your experiences and revealing things about yourself.

If you are an Introvert, you probably:

• Retreat with a book or newspaper or zone out in front of the TV when you’ve had a hard day
• Will do anything to avoid having to talk to someone on the phone
• Find being in large groups exhausting and overwhelming
• Prefer company with small groups or individuals, especially those you know well
• Find it difficult to talk about yourself and your personal feelings
• Find yourself hiding sometimes to escape company or confrontation
• Solve problems by thinking them though before talking about them to anyone else
• Prefer to watch and listen before joining in
• Feel restored by peace and quiet and time on your own.

Which are you?

Society has always tended to favour Extroverts – they’re the movers and the shakers, the people we tend to admire and be drawn to. Introverts are usually more at the fringes of ‘popular’ society. They’re the quiet ones at school, the dreamers, the artists.

Now I know I’ve always had Introverted tendencies but until I’d really thought about it I hadn’t realised just how strong that Introverted instinct was. And what came as a real revelation is that THAT is why I struggle being a mum so much.

As an Introvert I need time alone, space to think and work on my own projects, like I need food and water. It’s what gives me strength and keeps me feeling sane and full of energy. However, my problem is that as a mother and a wife I very, very rarely get these things any more. More often than not, in fact, I am pushed more and more into an Extrovert’s world – one of constant company, activity, needing to talk and communicate. As a mother there is an expectation that I will be sociable, outgoing, spending time with other mums and children and taking part in lots of activities. Time alone is an almost non-existent commodity.

Is it any wonder that I’m exhausted?!

How about you? How does your life as a parent ‘fit’ with your needs as an Extrovert or an Introvert?

Perhaps as an Extrovert you feel isolated without enough opportunities for adult company and people to talk to? Perhaps this has influenced the way you structure your day or decisions you’ve made about returning to work? Perhaps this has meant ’salvation’ in the form of baby and toddler groups?

Or perhaps, like me, you find parenting seemingly at odds with your Introverted nature? How do you find ways of managing this conflict? Or are you still struggling?

I would love, as ever, to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

1. Averageness and Appropriate Worry

First of all it’s my turn. I’ve chosen prompt number four: a childhood passion that got left behind…

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For those of you that haven’t been following this blog from the beginning, or there abouts, it may surprise you to know that the childhood passion I ‘lost’ only to rediscover again recently was, well, it was writing.

Before starting this blog last year I hadn’t written anything for a very long time. I would half-heartedly start journals only to discard them a few weeks, or even days later. I would get the odd day when some urge would take me and I would write pages and pages to offload something but inevitably end up tearing out the pages, dissatisfied with what I would read back, even though I didn’t even know what I was ’supposed’ to be writing in the first place.

But when I was a child it was different. I wrote freely and without censorship. Writing was about ‘letting out’ all the things that went on my little head, which seemed full to bursting of strange imaginings and senses; things I struggled to find words for but I tried anyway. I remember stories I would write and illustrate. I remember a notebook I had with a cat on the front that I named ‘Charlotte’ and who I would write to, after being so moved by reading Anne Frank’s diary at what, in hindsight, was quite a young age. I was a bit of a bibliophile – I had read everything I could lay my hands on by the time I was 11 or 12. Books like the Narnia Chronicles, The Lord of the Rings, The Little White Horse, and the Faraway Tree  – they transformed my inner world. I longed to create worlds like these and I remember long nights spent unable to sleep as the characters that inhabited them marched across my imagination.

But then, I don’t know, I lost it somewhere.

My teen years were tough, very tough, and did a good job of pouring very cold water on a lot of my creative aspirations. I was robbed of a lot of ‘me’ in that time, parts of myself I feel like I’m still trying to reclaim. I spent a long time feeling very lost and searching for I don’t know what. And the things I discovered a long the way are a whole other story but I guess all that really matters is that all the ups and downs, all the false starts and doubt and wondering what on earth I am supposed to do with my life, led me right here.

One day I started a blog on a whim. And once I started I just couldn’t stop. Words poured out, seemingly from no where, and the more I wrote the more I wanted to write, gradually finding a confidence and a ‘voice’ that I didn’t know I had.

In August last year (is that all it was? It feels like a lifetime ago!) I spent a month in crisis. I was being pulled, deeper and deeper, into a need to write and express myself. I felt quite overwhelmed by it all, almost consumed by this new part of myself. I wrote this post about my all-consuming new love affair, and about my confusion and doubt about it all.

And then I decided. I had to do it. I had to take a leap in the dark and follow where this was taking me. I pulled out of a Science degree I had enrolled with and signed up to a Creative Writing course instead.

I haven’t look back.

Writing is as much a part of me as breathing now (as pretentious as that sounds). I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it all but I’m hoping if I can just keep pouring the words out they’ll lead me somewhere, someday.

I have a long way to go. A very long way. But since re-discovering writing I feel whole in a way I don’t think I have felt since I was nine years old, hunched under the duvet trying to fool my mum I was asleep and scribbling down my thoughts and dreams.

Thank you for listening to them now.

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So now it’s your turn!

1. What is your personal motto? Or if you haven’t got one, then it’s time to make one up!
- Inspired by my friend Rosie Scribble with her post “Keep Calm and Carry On”

2. Go on a fantasy shopping spree. I’m giving you a virtual £1000 – go nuts! What will you buy?!
- Inspired by Life Slighty Used’s “On the topic of clothing…”

3. Write a letter to something that you own, that you love, or maybe that you hate.
- Inspired by Victoria from It’s a Small World Afterall’s letter to her bed.

4. Tell me about a childhood passion that somehow got left behind as you moved into your adult life.
- Inspired by Dad Who Write’s rediscovery of  ‘Riding’.

5. Talk about a time where you found something magical in the mundane.
- Inspired by ME! and my ‘Falling Snow’

Leave your name and the URL to your post in the MckLinky below (the URL should be to your post not just to your blog) andleave me a comment to let me know you’ve taken part. If you have the time it would be great if you could try and read and comment on at least two other entries. And be kind! It’s supposed to be a bit of fun – we’re not looking for the next Booker Prize winner here!

If you haven’t had chance to respond yet, then you’ve still got today! Or just wait till next week, when there’ll be five brand new prompts to get you thinking.

This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.

Related posts:

1. Writing Workshop: Can you see me?
2. Writing Workshop: Oh Bother
3. Writing Workshop… well, kind of…