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March On

Posted by on Mar 1, 2012 in Fibromyalgia, Me, Moments | 10 comments

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. 

Charles Dickens

I found some sun today, winking between the pegs, as I hung washing outside for the first time since last Autumn. The skin goosepimpled on my arms as I stood with bare shoulders and socked feet, daring the light, warmer, warmer please. And two things happened. I accepted the fact that I might not be well for a while, and I decided that I’m not going to talk about it. It could be months and pain is boring. The honest answer “I’m exhausted” to every enquiry into how I’m doing gets as tiring as I feel. And I’m not THAT person, as much as my body would like me to be. I’m just not.

My alternative to talking about it tends to be to just say nothing at all, cause it’s easier, isn’t it? And it may be that has to be a solution for a while. Quiet feels safe right now. I’m wrapping myself in it like a duvet.

But when I feel like talking, let’s talk about the patterns the spring sun makes on the walls, orange brick with shadowy alien street lamp invaders. Let’s talk about that picture I saw that made me make a noise and touch the screen with my fingers and count the days till I can down pencils and start painting. Let’s talk about what I’m knitting, or the pirate room I’m planning for Kai.

This silly fragile shell. I am bigger than it.

There are worlds in here that have nothing to do with how fast I can walk and THEY don’t have to sit still.

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  • http://www.expatmum.blogspot.com/ Expat Mum

    Love that photo!

    [Reply]

  • http://twitter.com/Simo_Morris Simon Morris

    You are a poorly porridgebrained poet. Get well and get back on the Twitters soon.

    I only follow 150 people and you provide much more than 150th of the fun of being on there

    [Reply]

  • Knackeredmother

    March on, Josie x

    [Reply]

  • Pingback: Best of the UK Parent Blogs: Ten at Ten (47) | Tots 100

  • http://www.wahm-bam.org/ Tasha Goddard

    Love that photo, love that quote. Hope you get the paints out soon. T xxx

    [Reply]

  • http://girlcalledpete.wordpress.com/ Pete McPhearson

     I found this pretty inspirational – the fragility of early spring – there’s a strength shining through here that is both romantic and practical.

    Also… pirate room… awesome! (Everyone needs pirates)

    [Reply]

  • HonestMum

    Beautiful, touching. Like you and your blog. Get well soon x

    [Reply]

  • David Milne @theghostshirt

    For a while, looking at your photo, I saw a row of diver’s flippers. 

    To break free from the line and plunge with a pair of those
    colourful, magic flippers.  To skim, then
    dive, beneath the waves, to look for shells, angel fish and pirate chests.  To splash the sea’s foaming surface into a
    froth of irrepressible kicking life.  To
    hold your breath till the lungs ache and the air above begs you to surface. 

    But I looked again, and all along they were
    pegs to hold you in one place. 

    Let our
    imaginations set us free.

    thanks  Josie

    [Reply]

  • http://www.ktrtuition.com/ KrisReederPrivateTutor

    Keep going – it’ll be worth it in the end!

    [Reply]

  • http://naptimewriting.com/ Napttimewriting

    Deeply and artistically moving.

    Haven’t been here in months. So sorry for your pain and so awed by your vision.

    [Reply]

    Josie Reply:
    March 17th, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    Thank you lovely. Touched by you stopping by here. Yours was one of the first blogs I ever read when I started writing mine. Almost three years ago now! Hope all is well.

    [Reply]