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Excellent Souls

Posted by on Jun 3, 2010 in Uncategorized | 16 comments

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.  ~ Aristotle

I am beginning to realise that I may be ever so slightly mad.

This is a good thing though. I am actually really starting to like it.

An article on the relationship between creativity and madness on the BBC news website this week suggests I’m not the only one to find walking the line between creative expression and mental illness a rather fine one. Turns out that intense creative thinking mimics some of the brain patterns of schizophrenia.

I am being drawn into something at the moment. It is to do with words, and artistic potential, and growth and self discovery and all the rest. It is about love and passion and connection and meaning. It is waking me up to the world again. It is changing me. It is about finding out who I really am.

I was always going to be that kind of writer.

Emotions like rocket-fuel, as someone so beautifully described to me this week. You could plot this blog on a graph and watch the deep troughs followed by the intense highs. I don’t know how to be any different. It is as fundamental to my nature as is my need for quiet and space and beauty. Feeling deeply means I feel, and it means I can write.

How can I write about colours on the wind if I don’t see them? How can I divine pattern and meaning in the way the dust has settled on my shoes if I don’t allow my thinking to bend and stretch a little?

It is scary sometimes. The article quote “… like looking through a shattered mirror” is about right. But it is a good scary. An exciting scary.

If good writing means being slightly insane then sign me up. If it sucks me up and spins me round and spits me out but in the process means I can create something extraordinary, if it means I can be something extraordinary then it will be worth it.

Because I feel very alive and the world is beautiful.

(this is Kai playing with fibre optics, by the way. If I half close my eyes the world looks like this)

P.S. Thank you for all your lovely messages about finishing my course. I completed and posted my work yesterday, a day early. Now the fun can really begin.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/TheMadHouse TheMadHouse

    Lovely post, I am all for excepting the things you can not change and working on the things you can. It goes a long way to starting to like yourself for who you are and for me that is key.

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  • http://singleparenthoodbygappy.blogspot.com Gappy

    Incredible picture. I understand what you're saying aswell about feeling deeply and creativity. You can't create something out of nothing after all.

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  • http://thesardinetin.blogspot.com JulieB

    I don't know if you ever saw "that" documentary by Stephen Fry about his bi-polar disorder, it said some very similar things about how it fuels creativity- incredibly interesting. It makes sense to me – if you experience deep highs and lows you are probably "feeling" more, and being able to channel that truly is a gift.

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  • Pingback: Tweets that mention Excellent Souls « Sleep is for the Weak -- Topsy.com

  • http://twitter.com/nickie72 @nickie72

    Yeah – I was going to mention the Stephen Fry docu. Highly charged definitely points to creativity – it's how to rein that in and use it properly is the difficult part.

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  • Rosemary Cottage

    I always feel a bit ambivalent about the whole “mental illness linked to creativity” thing. If you personally feel your creativity is inspired/assisted by your mental illness, of course, that’s fine obviously! And maybe it’s a source of comfort when you hit rock bottom that at least you get some return from it (then again, maybe it isn’t). But I feel sometimes that it ties into the idea of “good” mental illness (mad, but creative/soulful/life of the party/interesting etc) and “bad” (psychotic, depressing to be around, violent, dangerous, a downer etc). As someone who also suffers with mental health issues, I’m afraid it doesn’t make me creative, in fact, since having something of a relapse I deleted most of my blogs and even my twitter, as I found I could not even say anything that I wanted to read! Correlation isn’t causation, and more mentally ill people may be more creative, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the first causes the second. I dunno, I just wish I could be “better” OR have some “mad pride”.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/itsasmallworldafterallfamily itsasmallworldafterallfamily

    It's good to feel like you know where you are going. I'm more of an even keel person myself. Really shy away from the bad stuff and am quite happy to relive happy childhood memories and take colourful pictures. But that's me, and we are all different. Becoming a great writer will make you happy and if this is the way to do it, then do it x

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  • http://www.vegemitevix.com Vegemitevix

    I've always suspected as much! About me not you! LOL! You're in great company Josie, and I for one have glimpsed the fragility of the wire that's suspended over the mad lands. Life should always be lived in full colour!

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  • http://www.gotyourhandsfull.com Linda

    I hear you and I also her Rosemary in her comments above. Since writing more about mental health I have discovered so much – and what Rosemary says about "good" and "bad" mental illness is all too sadly and familiar. Depression is a lot more accepted these days and most of all amid "creative" people – as one in four of us is affected then that's to be expected!

    So much well-meaning but ill-informed stuff is written about "madness", being bi-polar, being clinically depressed and all the rest of it, there's even a really thought-provoking debate which some will see as too politcally correct about use of the word "mad".

    It's a big big subject and I really must get back to writing about it. Clinical depression has never made me creative – I know that and the conditions my nearest and dearest have suffered from carry so much stigma, they would never even ask the question.

    By the way, it's great to read that you feel very alive, you and the world are indeed very beautiful.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/geekymummy geekymummy

    i find it endlessly fascinating to wonder how exactly other people perceive the world. Thanks for giving us a peak into your reality.

    And, trying not to sound patronizing here, but do take good care of yourself. I have a brilliantly creative and quite mentally ill friend – she's very open about her journey through her mental illness- who is in a good place right now, but she has plummeted to some very scary ones in the past.

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  • http://deerbaby.blogspot.com deer baby

    I love the way you express yourself Josie. Without the highs there would be no lows and you see everything in technicolour. You're like one of the Romantic Poets – Byron, or Keats or Sheeley. But I also agree with Linda and geekymummy too – be very very gentle with yourself. Linking mental illness to creativity is not always that clear cut. But I know what you're saying. Or I think I do.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/metajugglamum Metajugglamum

    I can't even start to comment on this. Except to nod my head and shake my head .. and nod … and shake … A comment box is exactly the place I do nOt want to have this conversation.
    But I think you knew I'd say that. x

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jfb57 jfb57

    We are certainly seeing a new Josie. It is great that she is so happy, bright & becoming at one with herself!

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  • http://talesfromthevillage.com Rachael

    Ooh, yes. And be careful, and yes. And no. But mainly yes.
    Unmedicated me is far purer than medicated me, and I see the world more clearly. However unmedicated me is also liable to crash into a slump which leaves me incapable of speech or movement. But I know what you mean. And so, so beautifully written.

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  • http://www.cheekywipes.com/blog/ Helen

    Hi Josie, it was SO lovely to meet you at the NEC.

    Although I'm also an 'even keel' sort of person (just bobbing along, that's me!) your words express that fine line so clearly, I feel quite voyeuristic. It's almost like watching someone on a tightrope, who can do breathtaking stunts – but always with a risk of falling and being seriously hurt.

    I'm so ineloquent!

    Just make sure that you stay on the tightrope – and enjoy your weekend without worrying about coursework.

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  • http://mwaonline.blogspot.com Mwa

    It's the madness I recognise in you – I have it, too. Strange thing, sometimes.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/livileah88 Livi

    Great post :) Glad you're settling in to yourself, being a little nuts is definitely a good thing! You are an incredibly talented writer and congrats on the course!

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