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Paralysis

Posted by on Apr 10, 2010 in Uncategorized | 39 comments

I’m not entirely sure how it happened.

I had a bad couple of weeks last month. A fairly-typical-for-me roller-coaster plummet down Mood Mountain to wallow in the Mud Pools of Despair and Dissatisfaction at the bottom, with the usual Hippos of Doom, with bad teeth, whispering nasty thoughts at me.

Followed, of course, by the express train back UP Mood Mountain to frolic in happy, confident abandon at the top, with new friends and time off with my boys, and the, umm (thinking…) Big Sparkly Birds of Positivity and New Ideas and Exciting Projects fluttering all around the interior of my brain where all this endless up-and-down-ing goes on.

Anyway…

Somewhere in the middle of all that I may have ‘forgotten’ to pick up my course books. For the entire month.

And now there may just be an assignment due this Friday which I have neither thought about, or looked at. And which is now looming like one big mother-flumping asteroid over Mood Mountain threatening to engulf the entire extended (slightly crap) metaphor in huge pillars of searing flame.

Crap.

And of course, in a tendency I have demonstrated so many times in my short life, the thought of the giant asteroid has become so horribly scary that all I want to do is hide under my bed, or arse about on Twitter, or write silly blog posts with extended metaphors in them that don’t really make much sense. I’ve even started exercising for heaven’s sake – that’s how desperate I am.

And actually doing the asteroid, um, I mean assignment? Well it’s just not happening.

I’m in that horrible place that all serial procrastinators like me dread. I am in complete and utter procrastinator’s paralysis.

Stuck.

Scared.

Blank.

Pissed off with myself.

Feeling a little like I may cry.

Crap crappity crap crap crap.

Now I’m off to look at Wii’s and Internet phones, both of which I have decided I MUST have in my life IMMEDIATELY or else I may actually DIE.

And not think about that huge asteroid which is now inches above my head and moving fast.

Crap.

Related posts:

  • http://deerbaby.blogspot.com

    This is just what I do, Josie. Every time. Been like it ever since I can remember. Oliver James the psychologist has a lot to say about the roots of procrastination. Fascinating. You will get it done though I know. And if you don't, what's the worst that can happen?!!

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    Josie Reply:
    April 10th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    I WILL FAIL! *wail wail wail*

    Or, at least, not get the first I've been aiming for. Or, have to beg my tutor for an extension.

    Two stupid poems. That's all I have to do!! Why is it so hard?!

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  • http://rosiescribble.typepad.com/ Rosie Scribble

    As long as you don't beat yourself up too much I'm sure it'll get done. I have some work to complete for Monday. I haven't started it yet and I'm out all day tomorrow. I'lll get done, it has to be. It won't be that great but next time I'll try not to forget about it, in fact, I probably will!

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    Josie Reply:
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Ah now you see, there's my problem.

    I physically can't make myself do a bad job just to get it done. I would rather fail the whole damn course than run the risk of producing something that was rubbish. How stupid is that??!

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  • http://www.chicmama.net/ Chic Mama

    There is a lot I should be doing, am I? No….anything but, eat, read, sleep, write…..my head is buried in the sand. What I have to do is boring….I need a secretary. ;0)
    I hope you manage to get your work done without it getting you too down and worn out. xx

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    Josie Reply:
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Thanks honey – you too. I just need a good kick up the bum or something I think.

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  • EnglishGrandma

    I worry about you Josie….too many ups and downs…you MUST be positive….you WILL succeed…everything WILL come right….get in there girl!

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    Josie Reply:
    April 10th, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    Urgh I know, I'm hopeless. Can we just excuse me with the fact that I am still (quite) young and obviously have quite a lot of growing up left to do?

    If I knew how to change I would!!

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  • http://newdaynewlesson.wordpress.com/ Susie @ Newdaynewlesson

    Can I just suggest setting an alarm for 30 minutes and do 30 minutes of work and then stop. Just bite the bullet and sit down. you will feel much better afterwards.

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:24 am

    I will take all the advice I can get. Thank you – I shall try it x

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  • http://softthistle.net/ Marylin

    You CAN do this! I know you can! It's hard when you're trying so hard to write something perfectly. I sometimes go weeks on end thinking that I *must* write something extraordinary for my blog, and so it ends up stagnant because I don't think I have it in me!

    What about just writing down something, ANYTHING, as a first draft, and only once you've written that, go back over it to edit and change things.
    It does NOT have to be perfect the first time you write it out – that's the whole point in a first draft!

    *huggles*

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  • http://singleparenthoodbygappy.blogspot.com Gappy

    You have my sympathy. I tend to leave things untill the last minute too – although I do it deliberately – because for some reason I seem to produce my best work under pressure.

    Just force yourself to sit down and make a start. Once you've made a start the asteroid will appear reduced in size. I rather loved that metaphor by the way. x

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:33 am

    USUALLY I am the same. I manage to pull something pretty brilliant out of the hat at the last minute. However, I have the fear. The fear that this won't happen this time. Urgh. Don't know what's wrong with me.

    Today is the day though. I'm doing SOMETHING today, even if it kills me (which it might) x

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  • http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/it-all-started-with-a-tweet/ april

    Oh hon – I know the feeling very very well indeed – particularly the "I'd rather do nothing than do a bad job' because I would, rather do nothing that is… I wish I had some kind of motivational strategy or somesuch. Poetry is easier than a sonnet – thats a good thing. And you have a week – that is also a good thing. Oh hugs. Just know that I know that you can do it and will do it amazingly well even if you dash it all off in half an hour. That is just how well you write (seriously – you could hand in this blog post and get a bloody brilliant mark) and HUGS. I will be sending you inspirational thoughts. Maybe write a poem about the asteroid. Or about being stuck. Or writers block. Or wanting to be perfect.

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:36 am

    Thank you for the vote of confidence my lovely :) xx

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/maddydodo maddydodo

    There is currently a tidal wave of ironing threatening to engulf my living room. My baby is having a nap and my toddler is being entertained by my hubby so now's the time to tackle it but naturally I'm faffing about on my computer and writing this! Not exactly the same as a degree assignment but I can procrastinate with the best of them! Do you find leaving things till the last minute actually gets good results? I've found I can be inspired at the last minute (not with ironing obviously) by putting myself under pressure so maybe that will work for you, and you'll write something genius!

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:38 am

    Usually I do manage to come up with something at the last minute. I think I do work better under pressure. But not this much!!

    Arghhh thank you. I'll think of something I'm sure.

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  • naomi

    lmao! I am queen of the procrastinators and know exactly how you feel. Starting is the biggest hurdle and only time pressure will make me do that. Got an assignment due on thurs and a research proposal that is running late….. if I do figure out how to stop procrastinating before the stress kills me, I will let you know! (now stop worrying about my poor grammer/spelling and start your assignment!) Im off to search for what oliver james says about procrastinating……essential. :)

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:44 am

    At least it's not just me!! Hope you manage to get your work done this week too xx

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  • http://www.andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou.wordpress.com Kerry

    I am just the same as you, everything is left to the last minute, and then I can't do it as there is so much to do and then I am up all night the night before completing it. Have been like it all my life and however organised I try to be it never happens. I can't help with any advice but I can sympathise.

    I hope you get it done soon and its not too stressful xx
    My recent post How time flies

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:45 am

    Thank you. Feel like my head is going to explode :(

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  • http://mrsluciawright.blogspot.com/ Claire

    *hug* I’m a procrastinator too. I usually end up in a last minute burst right at the end and more often than not manage to get things done. This does not of course eliminate the feeling of dread and fear right up until pivotal moment when, to quote Popeye, “I can’t stands no more!”.

    Perhaps you should convince yourself the assignment is one of your writing workshops, or better yet post it as your next workshop and have us lot write it for you ;-) .

    Seriously though, *hug* try not to feel bad. It will all be ok. xx
    .-= Claire´s last blog ..It’s On The Cards =-.

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:46 am

    You weren't the first one to suggest that honey and look! I took your advice!http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2010/04/12/wr…

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:46 am

    You weren't the first one to suggest that honey and look! I took your advice!http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2010/04/12/wr…

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  • http://www.babygenie.co.uk Baby Genie

    I know this will help (a little), use the word crapola, rather than just plain crap, it's far more satisfying.
    If that doesn't work – a good cry (whilst stroking the window like you've been abandoned), is really helpful.
    If that doesn't work – an episide of friends, then get cracking on the assingment!
    Sending you PMA (positive mummy attitude).
    x

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:52 am

    I LOVE the stroking the window advice. Off to do that now…

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/notsuchayummymummy notsuchayummymummy

    You don't have to tell me about procrastination! I have 19 and 7000 words to write for my dissertation. Today I decided that I absolutely HAD to watch some of the TV shoes I'd recorded because there was so many on the Virgin box. NO EMMA, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOME WORK!!! I agree with what Rosie said, it'll be done because it has to be done. There's no way around it. It has to be done by Friday so by hook or by crook (or in my case by Pro Plus, Red Bull & a few all nighters) it will be done.

    Never, ever beat yourself up about it – you are wasting valuable time you could spend studying and making yourself feel bad for nothing.

    If I can do it, you can do it. And you will. xxx
    My recent post Molly Brown London- a competition

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 8:00 am

    Oh honey :( You CAN do it. We both can. Hang in there xxx

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  • http://www.frugalfamily.co.uk Magic Mummy

    It'll all come together just in time – it always does ;-)

    I hope you got your i phone and wii too x x
    My recent post Ice-creams and Vegetables….

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 8:03 am

    I hope so! I'm thinking maybe the Wii/phone obsessions can be my reward if I actually get this done!

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  • http://battlingon.wordpress.com peabee72

    Turn around and look in the corner….d'you see me? There I am on the procrastination step, polishing stones or filling and sanding a little hole in the time space continuum because it just couldn't wait. I'm hopeless, I honestly don't know how I ever get anything done….but the funniest thing is that (generally) when I finally get round to doing 'the thing', it's pretty much all there in my head bar a bit of research and a lot of tidying. Maybe I like that feeling of complete panic? I'm certainly never going to be the one with days to spare EVER…. but, it does always get done! You'll get it done too, I know it xx

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 8:05 am

    Oh lovely it IS good to have you here on the step. Ooh look! A pretty bird! Let's look at that for a bit (and pretend our head's aren't about to self -combust with repressed pressure).

    I WILL get it done. I have to.

    Right after I've answered these comments of course ;)

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  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/livileah88 Livi

    prepare for generic, easier said than done advice that you've heard before: *hugs* stop beating yourself up, just relax and the words will come. Give yourself some TLC and a break.

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 8:06 am

    I'm trying :( I DID go to bed early last night so that's something! Thanks x

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  • http://butterbeanandcobra.blogspot.com/ beta dad

    I don't want to encourage you to waste more time, but when I realized that your asteroid was only made of poetry, I had to offer you this help. I just wrote a post on my blog about how easy it is to write poetry, and then I scrawled a bunch out in about half an hour. Go there for sound advice from a professional (sort of, at times) or just to steal material!

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    porridgebrain Reply:
    April 12th, 2010 at 6:48 am

    Thank you for the advice! Normally I have no problem bashing out a few poems (except the ones for my last assignment that needed to be metered *shudder*) so I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me. The words 'get', 'over' and 'self' are going to feature heavily in any solution I think!

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  • http://jfb57.wordpress.com JFB

    Just wanted to say that your writing in this blog is fantastic! You are SO talented. You have described me to a tee especially the roller coaster og mood. No-one as talwented as you can not succeed. We have the confidence for you. Unfortunately, you have to do the assignment but Workshop #20 could help!

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  • Mwa

    The best assignments are written at the very last moment, after all the procrastination in the world. Just make sure you don't procrastinate until AFTER the deadline, and you'll be fine.

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  • http://www.amodernmother.com A Modern Mother

    That happens to me when I take too much on. Slow down.

    How did it go? Often the best stuff is off the cuff.

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