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A Familiar Feeling

Posted by Josie on Mar 27, 2010 in Uncategorized | 57 comments

You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Familiar Feeling”.

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http://rosiescribble.typepad.com/ Rosie Scribble

Josie, you've made me so emotional I could cry. Happy tears though. What a beautiful post. You know what your head wants and you know what your heart wants, and another chance at being a mum all over again has to beat everything else. Snd who says you can't snatch the odd hour or two to write if you really really wanted to. So pleased you're going to go for it. I would have said that if you hadn't! Best of luck my lovely. You've made me smile.

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beckylj

best of luck with it! I know that after my daughter turned 2 I definitely started to feel a tick tock to have #2. yes it's tough at times having 2 but at others its easier than one,

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vwallop

GOOD LUCK!!!! There's never a right time to have a baby, which also means there's never a wrong time. If you are feeling this strongly about it, it's as good a time as any. You are right about more children being easier to deal with than one in a funny sort of way. I've found that although I love all the children equally, and my capacity to love has increased as needed, I don't have the capacity to worry three times as much as I did with one child. I'm now so laid back I'm almost horizontal and my third child is correspondingly easy because he's never been fussed over. I was a horrible bundle of anxiety with my first, couldn't sleep, constantly doubted myself, obsessed over every mouthful she ate. And she was hard work. We're all better for being a bigger family. Lots of love and lots of luck xxx

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http://www.readilyaparent.com/ Dara

Here's my thoughts: As a mom you give 100%. Seriously, can you say you're giving less right now? So, add another child, you're still giving 100%. You can't give any more. And you won't give any less. Are more children more stress? Yes. More expense? Yes. More hassle? Yes. More diaper changes, more paraphenelia, more doctor's appointments, more worry. But, they're also more love, more companionship, more fun, more family, more intrinsic rewards. Kai might thrive with a sibling. I think if H hadn't had siblings he would have turned out very different. Now, his responsibility, generousity and coping skills often amaze us – I think if he had been an only his high-need, sensitivity and various delays would overwhelm us.
As for writing. You write now. You'll continue to write. That won't stop. And just think of all the extra material you'll have!
And who knows – you may end up with an angel like my third and reaffirm your faith in yourself as a parent.

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snafflesmummy

Oh wow, good for you. Its such a lovely feeling when you realise you want another and have “the talk”. It was Snaffles second birthday that did it for me. Sadly its not happening. Its all too much for me at the mintute so trying to focus on other things, moving snaffles into the bigger bedroom, decorating, friends. One day, when i feel stronger I will try again.

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http://notesfromhome.com/ ella

what wonderful news, wishing you lots of luck. I have four children and I can honestly say I know exactly that feeling of longing you describe x

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http://wherethebrassbandsplay.com/ tiddlyompompom

good luck lady! hope what ever happens you'll all be happy x

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TashaGoddard

Oh, that's lovely to read. Good luck – and have fun trying

I don't think there's ever a right or wrong time. There's just a time. And you will make of it the best whenever it happens. That said, Eleanor was quite planned. We were really aiming for a 3-year gap, and there's 3 years and 2 months between them. We wanted Rosemary to be established in playgroup/nursery school, so we'd get one-on-one time with the baby without jealousy issues. We wanted to have stopped paying (for the most part) for childcare for Rosemary, so we could affor to pay for childcare for the baby. And I wanted a bit of time off to have a drink or two – as it turned out, only a few months. We were lucky that we actually got pregnant pretty much when we started trying (a lot quicker than the first time round and without any losses).

And it's working out pretty well for us. I can't say that I'm not completely exhausted much of the time. But I'm also doubly rewarded. I have to little people to fill me with love – and they both do that. I think, if you're not working, you should be able to squeeze the writing in OK. It'll be a struggle, of course, but, well, most things are. And I think you're committed and dedicated enough to the writing to not let yourself stop, even if you only find half an hour after the children have gone to bed, before you crawl into bed yourself.

So, again, I say 'good luck' and you and Ant will make wonderful parents. Again. And a whole other personality to discover? It's such fun. Really it is.

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http://twitter.com/suzypink Suzanne Arnold

yey, good luck! We had to choose our priorities when trying for number one, and I have never regretted making the decisions we did. With baby Pink it seemed so very hard in the early days and I did question what we had done, but nearly a year on, and our family wouldn't be the happy fun place without her. Master Pink adores her, and she him, and there is more sharing, laughter, conflict, negotiation than ever before. You'll do a wonderful job whatever happens. And you will still keep writing.

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http://www.beingamummy.co.uk/ zooarchaeologist

Great news, I don't think there is ever a right time. I have a 21 month gap between my two, I would have settled for a year if I had been allowed. Its really hard work but at the same time, you can juggle all the balls and a have a bit of a career (well I do, of sorts). I know the feeling you describe, I've had it for months, hormones are very strange things!
Good luck, I hope it happens quickly for you both x

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Mrs Lucia-Wright

Good luck!! That's so exciting I'm really happy for you and wish you both all the joy in the world. xx

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http://which-hat.blogspot.com/ Sophie

Hi! I've found your blog through twitter and I absolutely love this post! I totally know how you feel – there was a definite point where we both seemed to feel ready for our second even though it was probably not logical. I have to admit though that now she's nearly a year I've had very confused moments as to how I feel about this. Heart (or womb) versus Head I guess

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http://livileah88.wordpress.com/ PrincessL

good luck Once again, you made me cry with your incredible description of those hormones, I know exactly how you feel. I have everything crossed for you!

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notsosinglemum

Oh good luck honey! I know the exact same feeling you have right now because that's exactly what I feel like, I just couldn't put it into words! Been trying to surpress the feeling for years of being on my own and now I'm with my “Mr Right” it's well and truly consumed me now, luckily he feels the same!

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http://weewifie.blogspot.com/ WeeWifie @ WeeWifie's World

aw congratulations on your decision to extend your family =)

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ownselfbetrue

I'm sure I was quite consumed with wanting a baby first time round, but for me, second time round, it was a matter of practicalities. I wanted the 2nd pregnancy and the whole baby bit over and done with, so I got pregnant quickly, leaving a 19 month gap between them. Nothing can prepare you for the 2nd baby – you can't imagine you'll ever cope, have a life, or have enough love to go round. But the minute they arrive, you can't imagine your life, or your family, without them. They say the more babies you have, the bigger your heart gets. Good luck & fingers crossed x

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http://anattitudeadjustment.com/ Jana

We knew we were ready for a second because we wanted our family to be complete. While we enjoyed having one, it felt like we wouldn't feel like a full family until we had our girl. (I knew we'd have a girl before I even conceived.) And then I got pregnant before expected. She showed us. She wanted to be here. It's really hard right now (she's only 4.5 months, with eczema that she scratches and makes into sores, and my husband and I are going crazy about it), but there are times when I see the two kids together with a special bond and I feel happy that we are complete. In a couple of months when she's a bit more social and active, I think we'll start to feel less stressed, too. (I really, really hope!)

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http://lbyrne74.blogspot.com/ Lorna Byrne

What a wonderful post – I'm so pleased and so moved. My advice to anyone who wants another baby is go for it – there are so many couples who would love to have more children and can't, that anyone who can, should. I'll be honest, I was initially against having my second child as I'd suffered with post-natal depression on my first and wondered how on earth I would cope with two kids, but yet I didn't want my first child to be an only child, as I was. What made me decide to go for it (apart from the fact that I knew my hubby REALLY wanted another child), was when one night I had a dream that I was looking at a positive pregnancy test, and in the dream I was so happy. I said to my hubby 'Okay, let's have another, but let's start trying now, before I change my mind!'. We were lucky in that we conceived very quickly. I won't lie – yes it is bloody hard, especially initially, getting used to being a mother of two, and all its practicalities such as going back to sleepless nights for a while, but Ciara has brought us such love and joy. She is a delightful girl with a beautiful personality, and I just couldn't imagine our lives without her. It's also been really good for Nicky, our first child, as he has a companion all the time (there are nearly exactly 2 years between them, and now that she can walk and almost talk, playtime is even better for them). I shudder to think that if I'd allowed all my fears to completely overwhelm me, and decided not to have a second, we'd have missed out on Ciara and her beauty. The most important thing in my life is being a mother – it's what I was made for, and for me it's the most important job in the world, and the only one which has ever brought me any fulfillment. I do the occasional blog just to practice writing, and so I have something 'for myself', and I love reading others' blogs. I've lots of outside interests, which is healthy, but having two kids has brought me contentment I never dreamed possible. Our family felt like it was truly complete when we had Ciara. Just go for it if that's what you long for, and don't let anyone try to put you off. And by the way I'll be here, as I'm quite sure others will be, if you need a sounding board at any point, or want to know something about my experience in different aspects of being a mother of two (though it's different for everyone). The very best of luck, and have fun trying! x

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http://mamacrow.blogspot.com/ mamacrow

oooooo how wonderful! good luck good luck good luck!

'It was the feeling of something missing, like that feeling where there is a thought floating just outside of your mind that you can’t quite get a tangible grasp on. Like you’ve forgotten something really, really important.'

what a very good discription! this is how i've experienced it too.. looking round when we're all together and getting that wiered 'itch' and feeling that someone is missing…

I must say,I found the second child addition fairly easy, but then there was a four year gap between no 1 and no 2 (did a degree inbetween) plus after no 1 was so bloody hard anything in comparison was a breeze. The addition of no 3 I struggled with a lot, then the others – well, to be honest, it dosn't make so much difference anymore! in many ways this baby (no 6) has been the easiest as I have older children now (no 1 is now 13!!!) so there are many extra pairs of hands and feet to help out and fetch things, play with the baby etc etc.

as many people have already said, there's no 'right' time to have a baby… we long ago decided that if we waited for the 'right' time, we'd never have any!
lots of positive vibes heading your way xxx

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MissSearles

I know it may sound silly coming from me but I really understand what you mean, the physical ache of wanting a baby-your own little person to craddle in your arms, to feel the flutters the first time they kick. Crying and wanting so much to have a little life to give all that love to.
I had the same feelings about a year ago, I'm not sure what it was that triggered it-at that moment in time i felt so ready but we had both said we'd wait unitl after the wedding and when we were financially better off, and obviously in hindsight it was a very good thing that the feelings were never acted on otherwise I'd be in even more of a predicament than I am at the moment.
I'm hoping that the next time i get those feelings, that longing, it'll be at a time when I can do something about it
Good luck hun
xxxxxxxx

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http://noblesavage.me.uk/ Noble Savage

I'm so pleased for you! All of you. I really think that you're right and that having another baby will take some of the pressure and focus off of Kai. I know that I felt my daughter was so, so difficult when she was very small but when my son arrived 2.5 years later, she suddenly became 'easier' (or I just had to learn to let go a little). You will all thrive and grow with another member of your family. And don't feel you are giving up on your writing by having another baby. I had the exact same doubts but they were for nothing. Having another child gave me even more determination and focus and the confidence that I will get there some day. I know you will too. All my love and lots of luck (and fun!) in making baby #2 xx

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http://www.strocel.com Amber

Good luck! As a mom of two little children I think that you absolutely CAN do it. And it will avoid the issue that you can face with waiting, which is needing to go back to square one and put things on hold because you're no longer accustomed to having a small child around. This way, even if it does introduce a bit of a lag, you'll be through it sooner and ready to move on to bigger things.

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http://www.twitter.com/myautisticson Eric

Way to GO!

do you remember that indirect benefit I was hinting when I was talking about stopping breastfeeding? Yeah the desire for sex, for looove, and along with it, well, the desire for another baby. lol, hormones…

There are not perfect timing for kids.

We should have them when we feel it deeply. There is nothing wrong with that. Then, there is the need to accommodate for a second baby. But you have been there, done that. And there is a certainty. The second one will be different than the first one. It is generally easier with the second one. All the questions you went through? been there. All the know-how you built? done that.

We had the same desire when our boy was 15 month old. It felt right for him to have a sibling, and for us to discover another little one coming from us. We felt that there was another soul willing to come in our life. And sure enough, nature made its way.

I felt a bit anxious that we would end up with a copycat of number 1. Not because of number 2, as a person, but because I had no idea how WE could manage another specimen like number 1. I honestly was very anxious. I didn't want our life to be misery. But, when number 2 came, it all fit together. Our son was instinctively drawn toward his sister. I'm not saying they never fight. But we all naturally found our place. We ended up making little changes and off we went. I never regretted, for a second, that we made this decision.

Also, as far as your career is concerned, you don't have projects you are tied to (deadline, obligations, etc.). So you have freedom in terms of moves and what you would like to focus on. That's awesome.

Enjoy this special time.
yay for hormones!

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bumbling

Squeeeee!

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http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/ april

YAY!!! Oh I am very very happy for you. How did I decide? I wanted a baby and a baby happened incidentally (magic baby) but at the right time. Am so happy that you are doing this and that it feels right

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http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/ april

xxx

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themadhouse

If I had waited after Maxi, then I am sure that mini would have been a while coming, so we are blessed with the fact that he came along and we the most perfect baby in the world.

You and Legobloke, this is your deicion and yes, things will nad do have to give, but god they are so worth it. I look at my boys and if only I hadnt been ill, we would have had a bus full

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maternaltales

So exciting!!! Good luck gorgeous lady. Like you say, there's never a right time, so what the heck! Just to let you know, when I found out I was pregnant for the second time, I cried. A lot. And it wasn't because I wasn't happy and we didn't want another baby, it's just that I was so scared of what it all meant (and I knew at that point there was no turning back). So if become pregnant and then think 'what the flaming nora have we done?' – don't worry, it's normal. And if you need advice about being a mother of two…erm…you know where not to come!! xxxxxxxx PS – sorry I haven't been around lately – just read your post though and had to comment x

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http://mymilkspilt.wordpress.com/ Spilt Milk

Good luck!!
I found myself nodding vigorously to this post. I feel the same way about many things – the limbo feeling, the hormonal longing, the not being sure if it's actually wise given current difficulties… We're not quite ready to jump on the train to Second Baby yet, but hopefully will be soon. I look forward to hearing about your journey and wish you all the best with it.

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