Portrait of an Insecure Blogger

I am just the same. *stands forward* I am an insecure blogger! So please please leave me a comment
On a serious note, it's all good. Just came across your blog via the mummo magazine Have bookmarked xx

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put me on the list….sometimes the wobble gets so bad, I have to break from blogging just to get my head around it!

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I'll join your club. I can't believe you feel like this I would always consider you one of the most respected bloggers. It just goes to show you we all have self-doubt.

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Josie Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:20 pm

Bless you for saying that. Stupid isn't it? I don't think self-doubt goes away with comments or ranking or anything else. I think it's just something we have to live with. I'm determined to get more of a grip on it though. Reading all these lovely comments I feel so silly!

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Weeeeellll, the most important thing you have said here is that YOU DON't HAVE TIME. You need to *try* at least to stop wasting time and energy on doubting yourself. How? Just say to yourself 'I am not going to think that now.' Life is too short, focus on the goo d stuff, don't write to avoid mistakes or to please others, write from the heart…How many times have people told you now that you are a fabulous writer? Don't you believe them? Think seriously, what will it take? Eh? You are in control, nobody else, nobody can make you feel 'small' or insecure without your permission. No-one can write anything that will be universally loved. Accept this and move on. Seriously I think that self-doubt is natural but I also think it's an *easy* option – this is a blog that is read and loved by people with whom it strikes a chord, that is what it can always be – but it's not the most important thing in the world. You should be congratulating yourself on what you achieve day in, day out for you and your family, you shouldn't feel under this pressure to blog and blog well, step away from the computer….. Much love to you and always remember it is those with the least confidence who often have the most talent. Pleeeeeease do something with it. Okay? Good. Bye. I'll get my coat.

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Josie Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Thank you Linda.

You are right, there is no excuse. You have NO idea how much better writing this post has made me feel. Feel like I've exorcised one great big horny demon here. No more wobbles from me, I promise. I've wasted too much energy worrying about stupid stuff like this and I am vowing, right here right now, not to give it any more of my attention.

Onwards and upwards.

xxx

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lindafromgotyourhandsfull Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:34 pm

Oh but you will, we all do. But get some fresh air, some cuddles and a piece or six published then you *may* feel better! Because me and Tara have a shared history/v similar experience we can come it at from the same perspective but I know lots of freelance writers who send off a piece to a new editor and go into panic mode. Somewhere along the line – not sure where – I got a thick skin. Thick ankles too. Ho hum. x

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Tara Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:52 pm

I so love you Linda. You are ace. That is all

lindafromgotyourhandsfull Reply:
March 18th, 2010 at 10:13 am

Good. Show us your ***s.

Can I be in your gang too? I can certainly relate to this post. I find it hard to relate to why you personally might be insecure about blogging though Josie. It seems to me that there is rather a large elephant in this comment section, and that is that whatever you write you always get about fifty comments practically claiming that you're the next messiah! Please don't get me wrong, you get huge amounts of readers and commenters because you deserve them – because your blog is good – that is without question. But sometimes I can find it a little bit galling to hear someone who is obviously so successful complain that they get ignored, especially when I am genuinely averaging about 20 page views a day. (I'm only jealous Josie – you know that don't you.)

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Josie Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 7:40 pm

It's a fair point Gappy. I am very lucky. I do get lots of readers these days, lots of comments. It's only a relatively recently thing though I have to say and I'm still getting used to it.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that 'success' doesn't make a blind bit of difference. It's not about the blog at the end of the day, or how well it's doing. It's about me. And I think it's important for people to realise that even if you *do* get (choirs of angels singing here) to the hollowed golden spots up in the top of the index or whatever, you STILL feel like the new girl, the outsider. It's all relative. I think knowing that can mean you feel less hopeless when you're just starting out, you can accept that insecurity is part of the process and NOT A REFLECTION ON YOUR BLOG! Or, at least, that what I hope the message is here anyway.

Now I'm going to shut and be grateful I promise x

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What I find so amazing is that some really good bloggers who I always assume are very confident in their abilities have commented on here to say that they get wobbles too, so we really are all in the same boat.
I am the same with comments too and sometimes don't comment because I don't have the brain power left to sculpt a good comment. If anyone wants to leave a “read it loved it” comment on my blog feel free and I may start doing the same – just so people know I've turned up!
Not going to say anything nice about your blog as I know it will embarrass you so I will simply say:

Read it, loved it!

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I always have a huge wobble every time I post something, if there are no comments on the post it makes it work and you can end up feeling ignored like youngmummy said, but I try to remember that I started blogging for me and to have something to show smurf when he is a bit older, and for that reason and because I enjoy it and have read and discovered some wonderful blogs, I will keep doing it whether anybody reads it or not.

I love your blog Josie keep up the good work.

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Ok this has got me written all over it! Im so paranoid that what i have to say isnt interesting to anyone i have actually stopped writing. how ridiculous is that? Maybe i will actually write something for tomorrows workshop after all… Why do i care so much what people think?

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Yep this is me every time i post! I'm fairly new to all this and the problem i have is that plenty of people visit my site – i see that from the stats but I dont get many comments, probably only 10% of my viewers comment. I try and comment every post i read, yes i know its hard and we all have the occassions when we just physically cant comment there and then and good intentions are there to return later – but like someone else said, any comments are welcomed because even crytical ones can help our blogs grow!!! Argh why do we put ourselves through it lol!

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Josie Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Actually, a 10% comment rate is pretty good! Hold on, let me work it out, this post got a 12% comment rating. I would say most of my posts get about 10% of visitors commenting, I'd be please with that actually! Often it's less! Just wanted to put your mind to rest a bit there, it's really, really normal to get a LOT more hits than comments. No reflection on your writing whatsoever!

And thank you for YOUR comment xx

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It's like you read my mind! We need an official support group: Insecure Bloggers anonymous?!

I think a lot of people are insecure though, everyone wants to be accepted and validated by others, it's human nature. I think we need to give ourselves a break!

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Are you inside my brain?? Spooky.

Josie, you are fabulous, you don't need anyone to tell you that! Just look at all these comments! I can only dream of having so many on one post… Or would that be a nightmare? And so the contradictiosn begin…

x

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Interesting. And yes, I kind of suffered with that for years. I always thought that blogging was worth it though – and I think it was. I think it saw me through a difficult time and I made loads of friends too.

But even when my blog was well-established and I had a fantastic close readership who took the time to write detailed thoughtful comments, I did find my blog sent me up and down quite a lot. It was probably more up than down but even so I decided eventually to take the surprising (well, it surprised me) of stepping away from it. And it was the best thing I could have done. My blog served its purpose and I will always be thankful to it and my readers but now, I don't have those up and downs and worrying about comments or what to write or whether it is good enough – I just get on with life and it is fab. It wasn't until I stepped away from blogging that I realised just what an effect it had on my moods and how it broke up my day and also gave me a bit of a blogger filter on life (like those people who always watch school plays through their video camera rather than just watching it in real time and being there).

I may come back to it one day. I have incorporated many of the friends I made there into real life – I see them and chat to them on email and stuff. So blogging was a fantastic thing for me to have done.

Not sure what I wanted to say really. Just that I don't think blogging has to be something you do forever and occasionally it's good to take a break and see how you feel about it. The time was right for me to quit, it probably isn't for you and maybe it never will be. But be alert to it actually taking something from your life – because it may do one day!

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OK, so, what I was going to say yesterday when my phone ate my comment was basically this: you are describing the human condition. We need to feel loved, to make connections with others, otherwise we may as well not exist (unless you are a solopsist, then you think that you are the only one who DOES exist, but that's a pretty lonely position to take). It's natural to want feeback and approval, just don't let it take over. Don't let it change the way you are. Because you are completely fab. And I'm sure you are now thinking, yes, but… Well don't. That is all x

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Insecurity is right “up there” with procrastination for me. I dread the comments coming in and if I don't get so many then I wonder what I've posted differently from the previous day to make people not even bother to click and say a few words. However, I'm guilty of that myself – sometimes I read and think “oh my view isn't valid enough” or “ggrr someone has already said what I wanted to say” so I just breeze on by. Swings and roundabouts.

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I think blogging is like motherhood – it takes a good blogger to recognise a 'bad blogger' moment, just as it takes a good mother to recognise a 'bad mother' moment. Just visiting for the first time today, but love your work. Look forward to reading more.

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