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Best Friends

Posted by on Mar 5, 2010 in Photography | 30 comments

I’ve always found friendship a difficult concept. I struggle to maintain ‘superficial’ friendships, never entirely sure how I’m supposed to behave or what I’m supposed to say, and rarely seem to make the deeper connections that make me feel safe enough to ‘let go’ with someone. Even when I do sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed and end up running away from it.

So it’s with great interest and fascination that I watch Kai begin to develop his own first friendships.

What makes it even more special is that these friendships are with the daughters of the one friend who refuses to let me run away. Who knows to give me a little prod when I’ve disappeared for a while, and who, after over twenty years of friendship, knows me just about as well as anyone else alive. I’ve talked about her before, and about all the things we’ve shared, but watching our three tearaways interact and grow up together is by far the most meaningful and beautiful thing we have shared yet.

Kai, Lou-Lou and the Beanbag (nicknames Ben, don’t worry…) are rapidly becoming a very close trio.

Little Beanbag is just six months younger than Kai, an age gap that seems to grow smaller and smaller as they grow. Kai is completely enamoured with her, spending most of the time in her company babbling earnestly away at her while she smiles adoringly back, or passing her little tit bits of food to eat, or giving her toys to hold. He feels very safe around her, the boy that tends to feel overwhelmed around children his age. It helps, of course, that she happens to be the most angelic, good natured, sunny little girl you could ever hope to meet. I’d defy anyone not to fall in love with her so it’s not wonder Kai is smitten.

Kai’s relationship with Lou-Lou, however, is a little more tempestuous, and all the more fascinating because of it. Lou-Lou is eleven months older than Kai and in some ways has a similar personality. While Kai is the thinker, the quiet one, Lou-Lou is a whirling dervish of energy and excitement, but both have at their heart an acute sensitivity and temperamental nature (and both of whom are slowly turning their mothers in to little puddles of exhaustion and frustration as we wonder how on earth to manage them!). Like Kai, Lou-Lou struggles with how to relate to children her age, getting easily overwhelmed when things feel out of her control.

And yet, somehow, they are finding an understanding in each other. For all the tears and fallings-out over who is going to hold the tractor, or the helicopter, or eat the cake that day, they still rush to greet each other excitedly every time they meet – Lou-Lou, at two and a half already as eloquent and articulate as a much older child, telling my wordless boy all about the world as he listens intently back.

Yesterday Lou-Lou and Kai discovered holding hands, weaving a way through the town centre as if they were the only two people in all the world.

It was a sight that left their mothers brimming with tears and pride and love.

We all need a hand to hold sometimes.

I will always been inordinately grateful for the fact that Kai has two such special friends in his life that I know will share this journey with him.

I can’t wait to watch their friendships grow and blossom. Perhaps in another twenty or so years they’ll be watching their children get to know each other too?

I hope so.

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  • http://www.crystaljigsaw.blogspot.com Crystal Jigsaw

    Oh, how cute is that! those friendships are ones which will last forever. You could show them that hand in hand photo when they're 18!

    CJ xx

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  • http://twitter.com/Hellsfire02 Bernardette Fields

    Josie that is such a beautiful post. There is always beauty and understanding even in the most difficult of times and it's great that Kai is friends with your best friend's children. It's a little piece of paradise :)

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  • http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/ april

    Snuffle *tear* Thank you for sharing this – means a lot, is so beautiful :) :)

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  • http://www.blipfoto.com/dollhouse Marianne, Lucy & Izzy

    This is such a lovely post. That moment when they just wandered off together into the sunshine, holding hands and chattering away, was truly magical. SO glad that you captured it; the photos are amazing, thank you honey. Love you loads XXXXXX

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  • vegemitevix

    Awwww lovely! xx

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  • themadhouse

    I am not a good best friender, but it is scuh a joy seeing the boys gow and develop into each others best friends

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  • all grown up

    lovely photos x

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  • http://shewasnotatalldomestic.blogspot.com/ mummy bear

    Great pictures! We all need a mate like yours, that never lets us shy ones retreat too much!

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  • Reluctant Blogger

    It seems to me that blogging attracts more people who struggle with friendships than you would expect. I once wrote a similar post about friendship and how I am not very good at it (particularly at enjoying being in gaggles of women) and loads of people commented to say that they felt similarly and had always felt like outsiders.

    I think though that it is definitely quality over quantity when it comes to friendship (and most things in life really) and that having one or two really good friends is more rewarding than having lots of more surfacey friendships. Like you, I have one very long-term friendship and perhaps 4 others who are fairly close and other than that other people come and go and I really don't feel a connection to them or trust them or whatever.

    I have made some very good friends here online actually – several of whom who happen to live relatively locally, have turned into real world friends. It's easier to make a connection and get past the smalltalk here online. Oh and people don't tend to hang out in intimidating groups either (well, not too much).

    I used to want to be part of the in-crowd once but most certainly not any more.

    The holding hands photo is rather lovely – and that's from someone who's not much into cutesy children type things (despite the fact that I have 4 children of my own – or perhaps because of that!)

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  • loonylis

    awww, you've actually made me cry a little bit! The pics are gorgeous. I too find it hard to make friends in the flesh, though it is easier online.

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  • http://www.sukilou.wordpress.com/ Suki-Lou

    aw bless….I cant wait for my LM to meet a little friend, at the moment she is terrified by other children, so I am hoping this is only a phase!

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  • http://rosiescribble.typepad.com/ Rosie Scribble

    Oh those photos are just so cute. It took my daughter a while to trust other children. Kai seems to be doing great!

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  • http://livileah88.wordpress.com/ PrincessL

    Awww :) How lovely and adorable pictures!

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  • http://1husband2kidsandlotsofbooks.blogspot.com/ 1husband,2kids

    I'm terrible at friendships, but, like you, have some great friends… just wished they lived close enough to recreate the moments above. One of the things I hope for most is that Son and Daughter will be a bit more comfortable with the world than I am sometimes.

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  • notesfromlapland

    awww, how lovely! What gorgeous photos! Made me feel all teary.

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  • themoiderer

    That is adorable. How lucky they both are.

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  • mummylimited

    Those photos are the cutest thing, I feel a little like I want to cry. Just gorgeous.

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  • http://crunchiemummy.wordpress.com/ If I Could Escape

    Awww, that's so sweet!

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  • deardulldiary

    Awww great post and gorgeous pictures!!

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  • beckylj

    that 1st photo brought tears to my eyes! I am lucky that my kids have always seemed to make friends easily. One of my sons friends struggles though and its taken him nearly 2 years to even smile at me and he always only seemed comfortable around my son.

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  • http://www.strocel.com Amber

    My daughter is 3 days older than the child of a friend I made when the girls were around 6 months old. Now, 4 1/2 years later, the girls are still 'best friends'. I hope this continues, as it's pretty amazing to have that kind of life-long connection with someone.

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  • http://anattitudeadjustment.com/ Jana

    My son also has a best friend from his school. It's adorable the way he immediately runs to show Bram the truck or train on his shirt, or tell him something. They are only just turning three, but they have a special bond. I also love it when toddlers hug each other. The teachers at school must have taught them to hug and say sorry, or hug when they say goodbye. There is nothing as cute–as you wrote above–as two toddlers hugging each other. It takes your breath away.

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  • http://www.capitalmom.blogspot.com/ Capital Mom

    Very sweet photos.
    I love watching the girl with her friends. I love how she just assumes that everyone will love her, that everyone will want to be her friend. I wish I ws more like that.

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  • http://bumblingalong.wordpress.com/ Bumbling

    That is so beautiful. Friendships are difficult. I have also found them very difficult to keep. But they are worth it. I am sure that Kai will treasure these childhood friends – the ones you grow up with are always the best and most reliable!

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  • http://youfoundkelshidingplace.blogspot.com/ Kelly_A place of my own

    Just gorgeous, I love the photographs. Sadly, none of my oldest friends have children, and most of them have moved away so I am missing having those people in my life that just get me, and can make me laugh with just one look. God, I miss them so much it hurts some days.

    I do worry that Piran will end up as introverted as me if it is just the two of us all day long. Which makes me want to put him in nursery for a few hours a week just for the social aspect. But that means that I will have to go back to work. It's all so complicated.

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  • http://mwaonline.blogspot.com/ Mwa

    I want that red coat in my size.

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  • newdaynewlesson

    I am at the other end. I have a good friend who I have refused to let run away over the years. Sometimes I don't understand how it is that I never gave up, and she has sometimes said that same thing to me. What I do know, is that my relationship with her is one of the most satisfying that I have. We understand each other, we accept each other and we encourage each other.

    So you must be giving your friend something very powerful in return for her to not have given up on you. Remember that.

    Reluctant Blogger: I do agree with you, but don't think all bloggers have felt like outsiders. I know I haven't. I find that blogging and forums just gives me exposure to a lot more varied world than I would ever have experienced. It teaches us how people are the same yet different and different yet the same.

    Like usual Josie-good post!

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  • muddlingalongmummy

    Great post and great pictures – there is nothing like having someone who has known you since childhood walking alongside you through your life. Friends are a real gift

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  • http://www.notsuchayummymummy.wordpress.com/ Emma @ Notsuchayummymummy

    Oh my goodness, they are possibly the cutest photos I have ever seen. My heart did a little skip. I wish Sam had a friend :(

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    Josie Reply:
    March 8th, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    He *does* have a friend. He just doesn't live close by unfortunately :( xxx

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