Writing Workshop: Can you see me?
Posted by Josie on Mar 4, 2010 in Writing, Writing Workshop | 35 comments
Welcome back to the Writing Workshop link-up! Apologies for the delay today – this is actually the second time I have written this post as my laptop crashed first thing and I lost it all! Disaster!
We have had lots of lovely new people joining us this last couple of weeks. If you’ve been taking part in the workshop for a while PLEASE look out for them when looking through the list of other entries. I’d really like all of you to take the time to visit the blog of someone you haven’t visited before today, to comment on their entry and encourage them in their participation – thank you. It takes some people a lot of courage to ‘put themselves out there’ like this. Let’s all encourage each other to be brave and share our words by supporting each other – a comment says “I have read, I have listened, I have heard you”.
At the bottom of this post you’ll find the widget to post the link to your workshop posts. First of all it’s my turn. I’ve chosen prompt number two: my inner-demons. Hard to write this one…
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I guess it’s probably apparent to my readers now what my big inner-demon is right now.
I can’t stop. I can’t slow down. I can’t let go.
I’m frightened about what will happen if I do.
I define myself by my achievements, by the noise I’m making, by the things I am creating.
I make my mark with words and with pictures, an endless stream, to tell the world I AM HERE. I exist.
Please see me.
If I stop, if I let the words dry up, if I miss an opportunity, a dialogue, an opening. If I step-back and and just be, let go, who will see me then?
Who will I be?
Who will respect me?
How can I be ‘something’ if I’m not doing anything?
Time pushes me forwards, faster and faster. I must fill it. I must make something of it. I must not waste my time.
My time is so short, so precious. I must fill it with perfection. I must make every minute COUNT.
Perfect mother, successful writer, respected friend.
I must be them all. I must be good. I must make my corner shine and dazzle.
Every word must be polished, must change the world. There can be no average, no hum-drum.
I must impress.
In a world where I feel like I fade into the background, I have to shout. I have to SCREAM.
With my words. With my achievements. With my son. The way I show the world what I can do, what I have made.
They’re all I have.
If I stop screaming will I disappear?
If I stop, will I even exist any more?
Can you see me? Please?
Are you listening?
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So now it’s your turn.
1. Introduce to us all the different facets of yourself. How many different ‘you’s’ are there?
- Inspired by Kelly’s beautiful post ‘The separate people living under my skin’
2. What demon(s) are you battling with right now?
- Inspired by My Baby Adventure who is finding it hard to keep to her diet!
3. Tell me about a side to yourself that makes you feel a little old fashioned… what is it about modern day life that irks you?
- Inspired by Sandy at Baby Baby’s not-at-all-old-fashioned attitude towards modern manners
4. Recount a time when you erupted – when you just couldn’t keep it in any more!
- Inspired by Bare Naked Mummy who tackled some long standing issues - volcano stylee!
5. Introduce us to a book that changed your life.
- Inspired by ME! and my musings on Extroverts and Introverts after reading a challenging book this week.
Leave your name and the URL to your post in the MckLinky below (the URL should be to your post not just to your blog) andleave me a comment to let me know you’ve taken part. If you have the time it would be great if you could try and read and comment on at least two other entries. And be kind! It’s supposed to be a bit of fun – we’re not looking for the next Booker Prize winner here!
If you haven’t had chance to respond yet, then you’ve still got today! Or just wait till next week, when there’ll be five brand new prompts to get you thinking.
This Writing Workshop is brought to you in association with Mama Kat’s Losin’ It – who’s lovely author came up with the concept and runs her own workshop over in the U.S.
Related posts:
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http://crunchiemummy.wordpress.com/
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http://theprettygoodlife.blogspot.com/2010/02/one-year-old-by-am-i-wiser.html
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That's a fabulous post Josie, thanks for that. I love your writing.
I've McLinky'd my latest offering – I went for the various layers prompt.
I'm chuffed that you took one of my posts as your inspiration this week – thank you! *blushes*
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http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/
Wow honey – we can hear you and see you and you are amazing – I'm with sarah on this one.
And you will always be heard because what you have created here, and with your words and photos will exist forever in one form or another, In adecdotes, in images on this wonderful web – you will always be heard. You can rest now if you need to.
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http://mwaonline.blogspot.com/
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http://deerbaby.blogspot.com/
You sound like me. I know that demon. I fear that if I don't create anything, I will evaporate. I want an ISBN number in a library that will exist after I've gone. But I do believe we have to let go. Especially with parenting. I am coming round to the idea of the 'good enough' mother. No one can be perfect. I know my children will resent/criticise me for something in the future, just as I do with my parents. It's the way of the world and part of letting go, part of them becoming separate. What you are creating now through your words and your photographs and, most importantly, your son, will live on.
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Josie Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 1:51 pmThank you DB. I believe we have to let go to – that's the challenge isn't it? I'm under no illusion that the thoughts I've written about are healthy or they are the best way to live, but there we are. We can't deny our natures.
Guess all we can do is try – accept being 'good enough' at being 'good enough'!! Sometimes the voice I describe in my post will take over, other days I will be better at not tuning into it so much.
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Josie, what can I say, I used to be like you, I really did. I was driven, I was needy, I was inspired and I tried bloody hard, but there comes a time when you realise that something has to give. That you can not give 100% to everything, the maths just doesnt add up nad you need to chose what is most imporatant to you. It isnt easy, I dont think it is supposed to be. You dont need to be perfect at everything, just good at most things!!
As Deer baby so aptly puts it you ahve made your mark in life, Kai.
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Josie Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 1:42 pmThank you. I'm actually doing better. What I wrote today wasn't how I feel all the time, it's just what that little nagging voice tells me when I'm feeling down or tired. I don't believe it as much as I used to, I don't have the energy to believe it. But it is still very pervasive and powerful, especially on the bad days. Felt good to write it out actually for that reason – helps me to let those feelings go.
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Gosh, Josie. You've exhausted me, I can't keep up with you and I wish you could sit back and see how much your work is appreciated by the blogosphere. Sometimes I think when we're running around and trying so hard, we miss the simplest, most obvious raison d'etre and that is enjoying life and living it to the full but not making it a chore.
I totally agree with the Madhouse above, there is no need to be perfect, rejoice in your errors and the parts of you that don't come up to scratch, accept them and they'll start to get better by themselves.
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Josie Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 1:46 pmThank you Mari – those are wise words and kind too. As I've said above this isn't something I believe all the time, but it is the demon I'm battling with most right now. I think it's partly to do with this time in my life. Two more years till the big 3-0 and I'm left wondering what I've got to show for it.
I'm trying to stop more. Just learn to be where I am rather than forever racing for the next thing. But it's hard, I find it hard.
Hopefully I'll grow out of it hey?
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mari66 Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 1:59 pmBe nice to yourself…soon you'll be at the even bigger 4-0 and wondering what the hell you've done with all that time!?!
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http://sandycalico.blogspot.com/
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Beautiful post as always. I hate the way that if I publicise a post on twitter, the viewers shoot up, but if I don't bother, within a few days, my viewing stats wither away. It's as if you have to constantly put yourself above the parapet otherwise people will forget you. Twitter then becomes an addiction to me, constantly chasing the next comment, the next spike in the viewing stats. Sometimes it makes me feel quite sick and I wish I was strong enough to just switch off, stop seeking approval. On the parenting front, I'm much better these days. I know I am not perfect, but perfection in unattainable in human relationships. Perfection is for spreadsheets. I am good enough. And so are you.
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Josie Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 4:16 pmIt feels like a huge pressure sometimes. I am trying hard to work on the idea that 'success' as it were, depends on my writing rather than constant promotion. If I put energy into my writing, people will find their way here. But some days that feels naive, the pressure creeps back and you feel like you will lose what you have if you stop pushing! Not easy – I wish I could switch off from it too.
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vwallop Reply:
March 6th, 2010 at 6:18 pmI've been thinking about your reply to my comment. It made me think of a post A Modern Mother wrote recently about publicity. She was answering all those critics who say that what other people think doesn't matter. Her point was that if you write something you're proud of, it's natural to want other people to like it. For some people, her included, the whole point of a blog is interaction and sharing, so to say you don't mind if anyone visits or comments is rubbish. I think it's all perfectly normal to seek approval to a certain extent. If you write something beautiful, but don't share it, does it really exist other than in your head? I know I write to try and provoke a reaction in other people. I enjoy the actual process of spilling out the words in my head, but I also enjoy the conversation that follows. I showed my middle of the night guest post to my OH before I sent it. His comment was 'I'm sure it's good, but it's not my kind of thing'. I felt so frustrated, because he didn't 'get' what I was trying to say (he's an excellent father & husband but he's never really 'got' the sleep thing). Surely all we want is for other human beings to understand us. How can they do that if we don't communicate? And surely if you have a talent for writing, which you do, then that is one of the finest ways to communicate with others. So in a very roundabout way, I think I am saying that perhaps we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves on this issue. We are just trying to connect with others.
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You always write the most heart wrenching of things but also the things that we all feel at one point or another in our life.
As I've said before, take some time out, be yourself, knit some more. I'll take my bossy boots off now.
I've linked my blogpost to this (and also was brave and posted it on the poetry wall at Judith's room).
BNM[Reply]
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oh sweetheart, if I didn't hear a thing from you for months I'll still be thinking of you, you'll still exist. take the time you need. xx
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Josie you have such a fabulously outgoing personality, you drew people to you. We would all miss you if you were missing for even a morning.
I've added my piece. Sorry it's so late. Better late than never?
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http://planted-in-the-earth.blogspot.com/
That is a very thought provoking piece, I wish I could offer more than I see you too! . There is some wonderful advice up there and I hope some of it sticks.
I just wanted to add that you are one of those wonderful writers that sometimes has me thinking for days, I'll chat about it with James or mull a response over in my head. You are doing something, but if you needed to rest or stop, those thoughts and ponderings would still be there (the ones you put there) and if and when you were ready you could plant more seeds of thought, we'd still be here…
If that makes any sense…
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http://layingnewground.blogspot.com/
stunned, trembling, awe struck…i've been face to face with this demon for far too long. you spoke the words my heart, wrung out from the struggle, has been needing to say, to hear, to know it is [i'm] not alone. thank you seems so hallow but i do, thank you.
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Pingback: When I was younger this was a shampoo bottle! « Livi's little bubble
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http://turtleturtleturtle.wordpress.com/
Have you read “What Mothers do especially when it looks like nothing” by Naomi Stadlen? It helped me realise how much I was actually doing, however imperfectly. And that I WAS making a difference. I highly recommend it to every mother.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001G8WL1G/ref…[Reply]
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http://1husband2kidsandlotsofbooks.blogspot.com/
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Pingback: When I was younger this was a shampoo bottle! | Livi's Little Bubble
Josie Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Thank you Sarah, that means a lot. Wish I could believe it some days!! x
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