Is anybody out there?

I should probably warn you: this post has distinctly spiritual mutterings.

Now there is probably an unwritten rule somewhere that a good Mummy Blogger should avoid  dangerous topics like religion and politics and stick to safer subjects (like poo) but oh well…

Because I had a bit of a strange experience the night before last and I’m curious to see what you thought about it.

I’d had a really awful day. Up before 5am after being up and down almost hourly, I had spent the day beyond exhausted juggling a strangely hyper-active Kai, considering how sick he was, desperately trying to persuade him to eat and drink in between changing relentless runny nappies. It had ended with me giving Kai his bath and crying as I saw how horribly thin he has become, literally skin and bone, and such a world away from my huge, chunky toddler. His cheeks are sunken, his ribs stand out from his chest, his arms are like little sticks.

Ant wasn’t home and I felt so afraid. If the diarrhoea and the inevitable weight loss didn’t stop soon there was a very real chance Kai was going to end up back in hospital, and I was beginning to despair that it ever would stop. I was so tired, it was one of the moments where you really are at the end of your strength.

So I prayed.

I cried and I prayed. I don’t know who to, I don’t believe in a Christian God that’s for sure. I’m not sure I believe in any God. But pray I did. For the diarrhoea to finally stop and for Kai to start eating again. I’m sure many of us have been there, especially as parents. Times when we are so desperate for something to change, when our need is so raw, that all we can do is offer up our selves to something outside of ourselves.

It’s just that the strange thing, in this instance, is, well, it worked.

Since that time Kai has only had one dirty nappy and his appetite has rapidly been returning to normal.

And I’m left wondering, was it a coincidence? Or did my prayer actually change something?

I’m talked about my spiritual confusion before, and experiences like this do nothing to alleviate that. I am a rational person generally, and how ever hard I try I can’t believe in an omnipotent being with the power to grant or deny prayer, a deity separate from His/Her creation that for what ever reason has decided to allow humanity to suffer unspeakable loss, cruelty, devastation and genocide while watching from a far. Apologies to anyone that offends but I just can’t.

But I’m also not closed minded enough to rule out any possibility of ANY spiritual element to existence.

I just wonder, if it exists, what form it takes?

Is our understanding of what’s spiritual and meaningful merely a product of human conciousness? Do we MAKE meaning though our need to make sense of the world around us rather than have that meaning given to us by a higher power? I think we do. It seems to be ingrained in our human nature itself to try and ascribe meaning to things, to find answers for those things that are bigger than us and that we do not understand. And it seems to be a natural instinct to share and integrate those beliefs into our cultures and society. The amazing discovery of the beyond-ancient temple in Turkey suggests that shared belief and rudimentary religion may even have been the shaping force of society itself.

But, at the same time, I don’t think that devalues the ‘beliefs’ we hold, that we have created. Our shared myths and stories, across very different nations and cultures suggest that we are tapping into ‘something’, perhaps some kind of collective unconscious as Jung suggested. And that ‘something’ has huge power over our daily lives, the way we view the world, even the way in which we write our laws and organise our society.

Even if this ‘something’ is entirely human-made, does that mean it does not have power? Has the combined ‘force’ of our belief and need to ascribe meaning to things actually created something that DOES affect us on a spiritual level? Even science, for centuries the antithesis to religion, is beginning to overlap a little here as forays in to Quantum Physics, explore how thought could, theoretically, actually shape matter. New Age movements tap into this idea with their ideas of positive thinking, goal setting, even cosmic ordering. But do they hold any weight?

Does the power of our prayer, our NEED, actually change our reality?

Or am I wrong. IS there a separate deity of some sort, or ‘spirit’, that existed before us and will exist long after we have all killed each other.

I don’t know. I’m never going to know. But it does interest me, it makes me think and wonder.

So, I’m interested.

Do you pray? Who to? I’m especially interested if , like me, you don’t really know. Have you ever had a prayer answered? How have you made sense of that?

What do you think happens when we pray?

I should make clear now, this is not meant as a criticism of anyone’s spiritual or religious beliefs and I will delete any comments that in any way are disrespectful or derogatory of people’s beliefs. We are allowed to disagree with each other, but it needs to remain objective and polite and not get personal. We’re all intelligent adults so I’m expecting that you can manage that.

P.S What do you know, this post mentioned religion AND poo! Score!!