On TV, boredom, and not knowing what on earth to do with this child.

I was just over at Notes from Lapland this morning, reading about her dilemma with the TV in her house, worrying that it’s on too much and wondering how people ‘balance’  TV watching with other things . My comment to her was getting far too long so I thought I’d better write my own blog post on the subject and, well, it sort of turned into being about something else.

I’ve struggled with the TV this week. In the past I’ve felt we’ve done pretty well, with Kai watching the television what I feel to be an ‘appropriate’ amount (which is up to every parent to decide). We tended to have it on for an hour or two in the morning, maybe twenty minutes while I made some lunch, and then sometimes half an hour sat with his dad while I make tea.

But the last few weeks, the amount of TV watching has crept up.

With Kai being poorly last week all he was well enough to do really was flop and watch his favourite programmes and I think it set a bit of a precedent. This week that’s ALL he’s wanted to do, and I’ve been too ill and shattered myself to complain much. When Kai gets it into his head that he wants something there’s very little you can to do to change his mind and the result is usually a great deal of tears and anger that I don’t always have the energy to deal with. So this week I just gave in and it’s been on A LOT – most of the day really.

Now I’m very concious of the fact that we need to re-set the balance again. But I’m not really sure how. And actually? The thought scares me a little – I think I’m as reliant on it as he is.

If I’m honest I think it’s become my way of dealing with ‘managing’ Kai and his increasingly challenging behaviour and getting a break. But I don’t like that and I guess that is what this post is about.

Increasingly I’m finding it very, very hard to get anything done during the day while he supposedly ‘occupies himself’. He just won’t do it! When he wants to he is an amazingly impressive attention span and can concentrate on something that has grabbed his interest for a long time. But the thing with Kai (as it is with everything about him) is that it has to be self-motivated – he has to CHOOSE to play.

But if you try and ‘encourage’ him to sit and play with some toys so you can get on with something? When he hasn’t chosen to do so? NO chance.

Housework mostly involves constantly disentangling him from whatever it is I’m trying to clean. He has a completely irrational, mortal fear of the hoover and will scream constantly and hysterically when ever I use it (also food processors and anything else whizzy). He objects, loudly and bodily, to my talking on the phone and to my use of the computer, often physically climbing on to my lap to pry my hands from the keyboard and turn my head away.

Even when I actually give in and play with him (I know… the horror! I’ve talked before about how I hate toddler play) it doesn’t usually go well. I do it ‘wrong’ – the fireman should go HERE not there, and GOD DAMN IT MUMMY you put Postman Pat on the WRONG SIDE of the van. SCREEEEEAAM!!!!

‘Messy’ play, crafts and the such, which I know you will all suggest and are all such masters of,  completely baffles me at Kai’s age. You get everything out, he spends approximately five minutes doing whatever activity you have organised. Pouring paint/glue/sand/water on the floor and smearing it on the furniture becomes far more interesting than doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Cue battle of wills , temper tantrums, defeat, an hour cleaning up. Well, it’s not really worth the bother is it.

*sigh*

The ONLY thing that works is taking Kai out of the house. Something that I don’t always have the energy to do all day long. Add in trying to get Kai to have a good nap in the day (nightmare) which only happens if we’re at home, and the trauma that is playgroups at the moment (that all seem to be at funny times or far away) and, well, I think you begin to get the sense of the juggling act that I’m trying to manage.

And failing at. Miserably. I’m not ashamed to say that.

Because the main problem is that I think he’s just bored. Unbelievably bored. He almost needs more stimulation than I can give him, but we can’t afford nursery whatever way I look at it. Space is in an issue too: he hates being cooped up in our little rooms 9ft square and we ARE moving soon, but not for another few months.

Something is going to have to change. We need a new system. A new schedule.

But I have no clue where to start.

So, (because you’re always so good at this) advice please.

HELP!

How can I manage his needs and his behaviour during the day?

Is it just a case of me stepping up (and be honest), finding a way to give him the stimulation he needs? How on earth am I supposed to find the energy for that??! And what exactly do I DO with this child?

Or is it a battle of wills. If I ignore the bad behaviour and the attention seeking enough will he get the message and just go and toddle off and play on his own? *wishful thinking that leaves me feeling guilty*

And what do I do about the damned TV. Cold turkey?

Mobilise the forces people! I need some help here!

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*This post was brought to you by Fireman Sam, a session terrorising daddy in the kitchen, two bowls of dry cornflakes poured one into the other for ten minutes (and mostly on the floor) and  finally finished after one twenty minute screaming session persuading a very tired and grumpy boy to have a nap. See what I go through for you people??!*