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Reclaiming

Posted by on Feb 11, 2010 in Uncategorized | 27 comments

Yesterday I wrote a post about Mental Illness and worries about the anonymity of the internet when it comes to situations where people may be in genuine need of emergency intervention.

I have now taken that post down.

I took pains to try and keep the identity of person’s affected private but I seem to have done the opposite of what I intended and just drawn more attention to her and her family. I am deeply sad about that and apologise if I have caused any further upset.

I want, what was supposed to be my main point but seemed to get lost somewhere, to still stand though.

There is no shame in mental illness and the dark sides of depression and anxiety. It affects the best of us and many people whom I hold very dear.

Linda Jone’s Mental Health project blog stands as a shining example of the importance of lifting the stigma of mental illness and providing avenues for people who are struggling to be met with compassion, respect and empathy.

It is important to me.

Because the irony? I’m not in such a good place right now. If I had been stronger right now I would have felt OK with talking about my post yesterday, discussing points and debating the issue – I am usually good at that. But I can’t do that at the moment. It was silly of me to write something I had no strength to defend or manage but there we go. I genuinely had no idea it would snowball as it has done.

I received a few nasty, anonymous messages yesterday, as well as many, many more supportive ones and comments from people raising valid, constructive points on a debatable topic. All have completely overwhelmed me at a time when I am least able to deal with it.

So I’m sorry. I know this is a cop-out. But I need to reclaim this blog for what it is for, or should be – a place that makes me feel better, not worse.

Thank you for listening.

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  • http://cafebebe.co.uk Karin @ Cafe Bebe

    Josie, you should not feel bad about your post from yesterday. You brought up an important issue and I’m really sorry that some nasty comments have affected you so much. You’re a kind and giving person and would not hurt a fly…people who know you know that. I think what you posted was a vital issue and although met with mixed response, has struck a chord and that’s what blogging is all about. Keep doing what you do, feel strong in yourself and never stop caring. ;)
    Karin
    .-= Karin @ Cafe Bebe´s last blog ..The Nursery Question =-.

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  • http://www.colourfulcoaching.co.uk Cathy Dean

    Josie,
    I think you did a good and brave thing and you don’t have to apologise for it. The people that have abused you are dealing with their own problems – let them go.
    I have suffered from depression for years on and off, starting with post-natal depression almost 20 years ago. I’m now on life-long anti-depressants and I make a point of talking about it without shame, embarrassment or fear. It’s a part of my life and I firmly believe that it’s a purely physiological thing. I have to take pills to keep my seratonin levels balanced so that I can function effectively, in exactly the same way that I have to take pills to keep my thyroxin levels balanced having had my thyroid removed some years ago.
    It’s taken me a long time to realise that mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of – I’m not ashamed of having had a malfunctioning thyroid gland, so why should I be ashamed of having a malfunctioning whatever-gland-it-is-that-produces-seratonin?
    Depression makes life unbearable in all sorts of ways. Unfortunately it’s impossible to truly empathise unless you’ve experienced it for yourself and a lot of people who haven’t are only to quick to judge those of us that have. But there are millions of us out here that HAVE experienced it and are quietly supporting you, the friend you reached out to help, and each other.
    I hope you can come to see this as a positive experience in time, and know that, despite the diffficulties you’re experiencing in your own life, you reached out and did a true, good thing. You have a lot to be proud of.

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  • http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/ april

    Not silly, brave. And not a cop out honey – not at all – no one should have to deal with all of that even at their strongest…
    xxxx
    .-= april´s last blog ..A blog on the subject of having no followers… =-.

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  • http://www.notsuchayummymummy.wordpress.com Emma @ Notsuchayummymummy

    I’ll keept this brief as when I ramble I often lose it & put my foot in my mouth!

    You did a good thing. You wrote a brilliant post. You highlighted important issues. You should be proud of yourself.

    Keep your chin up my lovely, we’re all here supporting you.

    xxx

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  • http://www.whosthemummy.co.uk Sally

    Three things:

    1. Your blog, your rules. Don’t ever feel you have to apologise for what you choose to write on it, what you choose to respond to, what you choose to delete.

    2. I think even those who disagree with your idea, and I guess they’re entitled to if they choose, understand you have the best of motives and in my book, that’s what counts.

    3. We DO NOT pay attention to anonymous comments on the Internet.

    Big hugs, friend
    x

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  • http://WebsiteURL fun mum / glum mum

    anyone who knows you josie be it personally or through the online networks, knows that you would never intentionally upset anyone. those who have sent nasty messages should be extremely ashamed of themselves! you however should definately not be upset or ashamed! it was a very important issue to raise and the problem with a subject like that is that no one does speak up and the people it affects end up alone and in the dark. of course everyone has a right to their own opinions, though i bet you anything you like that for every one person that got upset there were ten people that agreed and felt comforted by your post. never feel guilty for trying to help xxx

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  • http://youfoundkelshidingplace.blogspot.com Kelly

    Oh Josie, that is sad. I came here trying to find that post to link to as I thought it was a great idea and I have just set up my list.

    If you need cheering up you can read about my adventures in taking the bus!
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..One letter, Two baby groups, Three Buses =-.

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  • http://www.notesfromsarahsdesk.blogspot.com Sarah

    We’re not friends with people who’re mean, especially not with people who haven’t got the guts to put their name to their meanness.

    I thought your posts were perfectly valid and made good sense actually.

    Also, I happen to think you’re a lovely person, very supportive of others, when you’ve clearly got quite enough on your own plate at the moment.

    Still, all I want to say is virtual hugs and Hob Nobs, and keep on caring. xx
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Feeling the fear – now… =-.

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  • http://absolutelyalchemy.blogspot.com Bronagh

    Not a cop out in the slightest – please don’t let the nasty comments get you down, you acted with the best of intentions and anyone who knows you from online knows that.

    Take care of yourself x

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  • http://doireallywannablog.blogspot.com/ Thea

    Nothing can bowl you over quite like a few nasty comments on your blog, I know, it happened to me recently, too. Sent me reeling for days. But it showed who my real real friends were and I was astounded by the support I received. I’m new to your blog but I can see that you also have a lot of support and are very worthy of it.

    AND you are totally right in what this space is…a place to make you feel better, not worse. I hope you are feeling better soon. x

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  • http://foodiemummy.blogspot.com Foodie mummy

    Josie. You did a very brave thing and you shouldn’t apologize. You are such a caring person. I only know you online but your kindness and caring shines through every single one of your posts. To all those people who wrote nasty comments I have one thing to say only: If you don’t have anything positive or constructive to say, just shut it!
    .-= Foodie mummy´s last blog ..99 things =-.

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  • http://www.snafflesmummy.com snafflesmummy

    You did the right thing both at the time and with your post yesterday. Better to risk upsetting people by acting than regretting your actions and not acting.

    Hope you are doing ok after everything.
    xx

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  • http://www.gotyourhandsfull.com Linda

    So much of what you wrote Josie yesterday resonated with me, people do become real friends through the internet, especially ‘people like us’ who have so many day to day commitments with family and work that they forget about the ‘me’ behind it all and find like-minded souls who can empathise and support. Never ever beat yourself up for caring. I am very sorry you have had shitty anonymous comments, some people are beyond. Thank you again for highlighting our blog about mental illness and for backing our aim of speaking up about it. I couldn’t give a shit what some anonymous back-biter has said to you Josie and nor should you. I always bang on that kindness such as yours is underated and it saddens me that people foist their own cynical views on the most well intentioned actions. Wishing you a whole load of love and happiness, xx
    .-= Linda´s last blog ..Blogger’s lament =-.

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  • http://www.musingsofageriatricmummy.blogspot.com Geriatric Mummy

    This makes me very cross. Not you of course but the situation. You did what you thought was right (and in my opinion it was the right thing) and on the back of it did a brilliant post to try and prevent the unthinkable happening. That is something to be proud of, not bullied for. Never, ever be intimidated by the views of others. You are entitled to express yours without fear, especially on here.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon xx

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  • http://spongebobforpresident.blogspot.com Kelly

    Josie what you posted yesterday was a really good idea. There is a negative stigma out there reagards mental health and because of that, it makes people like me who have suffered with it for years afraid to speak out, to ask for help when we need it.

    But its people like you Josie, that want to help, that make us feel that we can speak out, to ask for that help when we need it.

    Do not be sorry for posting that blog, for even though you had a few idiots send you messages, the majority of the people have taken your words into consideration, and done as you have advised. And we are safer because of it.

    So thank you.

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  • Josie

    Thank you for your thoughtful comments.

    I’m sorry you are unhappy about my decision but know you will understand that I just need to protect myself a bit at the moment.

    I do still feel it was a valid post and when I am feeling braver and more able to engage with it I may repost my thoughts and ideas. I just can’t do it at the moment.

    Also, just wish to say that I have absolutely no issues with commenters on the post that disagreed with my ideas. They have every right to their opinion and raise valid points. But it did turn into an argument that was upsetting me and I don’t want fighting on this blog.

    I’m ok, but need to be careful at the moment that I don’t immerse myself in things that will drag me down.

    So it’s a tactical retreat :)

    Thank you my friends xx

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  • http://www.andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou.wordpress.com Kerry

    Hiya

    I have come in on the backlash of this as have been dealing with a sick child for three days so am really only catching up. Although I did read your blog yesterday and I have read this one, from what I have read and read of your blog in the past you always come across as a kind and thoughtful caring person Josie. So don’t apologise for what you did or what you blogged.

    I also think that you have had a lot going on at the mo, so you have to do what makes you feel better and if that is removing the previous post, then so be it. Please don’t take to heart what others have said, and carry on doing what you do as it is great!

    Kerry xx

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  • http://wackymummy.wordpress.com/ Berni

    Josie, you are an incredibly caring and genuine person. I feel privledged to know you. I think your post yesterday was a great idea, and yes it would have it’s drawbacks – but all ideas do, good or bad. As you know I have been depressed since last year with my grandma. And I’m struggling to get by, and you know what I’m glad I have friends who care and are there to support me, because otherwise I really would crumble right now. The other day when I went to yours, that was a HUGE achievement for me, as I haven’t been able to go anywhere on my own in months without having a panic attack. But enough about me, I’m rambling. The point is, you are an incredible and amazing person, and I wish there were more people like you in the world. Not enough people give a crap these days and it’s a shame. We let Kyle walk roudn with us in tesco’s the other week, and he was looking up at people, smiling at them, trying to say hello, and they just walked straight past him, and we felt so bad for him because he was just being friendly and knew he had the security of him being with us, so he was safe. Unfortunately that’s the kind of reaction he is going to have to get used to these days.

    This is your blog hon, and obviously you felt it was the right thing to do in taking the post down. I really hope your idea takes off, it may help save thousands of lives in the future. If you ever need to chat you know where I am xx
    .-= Berni´s last blog ..The Great Unveiling! =-.

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  • http://drawingdad.wordpress.com/ Michael

    Hey Josie. I’m sorry for my part in the argument that was brewing in the comments on that blog. I took umbridge with someone’s opinion, which I shouldn’t have, and also with her apparent attack on you, which I don’t regret jumping up and down about.

    I do think your idea is a very worthy one and could make an enormous difference to someone (or many someones) in need.

    I know it’s easier said than done, but anonymous comments are best ignored. If someone doesn’t have the conviction in their own opinion to put their name to their comments, they are absolutely not worth listening to. Especially if they got nasty. Then that is cowardice, pure and simple. You don’t deserve to cop any of the crap that’s come your way from this. xo
    .-= Michael´s last blog ..A Belated Birthday Blog =-.

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  • http://www.crystaljigsaw.blogspot.com Crystal Jigsaw

    Hey, stop beating yourself up over something you feel so passionate about. Your caring and compassionate personality wrote that blog post, because you want to help and support someone who is obviously in need.

    I have deleted blog posts before too, and then wish I hadn’t because they had been written with such honesty. Like Sally says, your blog, your rules. I understand that no one wants to write a blog post which will offend or upset another person but sometimes we can’t win them all.

    CJ xx

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  • http://www.marisworld.wordpress.com Marianne

    ((Josie))
    I read yesterday but didn’t reply. You see I don’t Tweet, I have an account but I never use it, my excuse is lack of time and a pay as you go mobile contract now I am no longer an ‘earner’.

    I thought your post was clear in as much as it had affected you on an emotional level and you felt the desire to do something, no one can criticise you for doing that? You see in today’s society we are surrounded by people suffering in silence and we just don’t know what the ‘correct’ thing to do is anymore. When you want to be helpful and as in your case, save someone’s life, it just comes straight back in the face like a nasty slap and turns the whole situation around from where it initially started.

    It raised a question in my own heart about one of my friendy neighbours who is currently having enormous problems with her 14 year old daughter who has tried to commit suicide, had underage sex with various partners, tried drugs and is clearly very unhappy.
    So far I have stayed out of it but I KNOW this woman needs help, even if it’s just talking to someone. But what do I do? Knock on her door with a friendly smile and a homemade cake?
    I have driven her to the hospital before on her request when her daughter had tried to take her life and she has confided in me many a time but I’m at a loss as how to react.
    The good part of me says – lend a hand and an ear. The other part says – stay away, it’s nothing to do with you.

    I’m very sad to hear there have been some vicious comments come back and am at a loss to understand why? Your intentions were clearly to help out of the concern you were feeling.

    Look after yourself, Kai and Ant and leave the miserygogs to wave their blaming fingers at others rather than do something useful themselves.

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  • http://clinicallyfedup.com MrsW

    I’m glad that you Josie don’t feel my differing point of view was an attack and I’m sorry I responded to the aggressive comments directed at me with more aggression. I did my best to respectfully offer an alternative and objective viewpoint on the balance between online privacy and personal safety and where responsibility to act in the best interests of others fuzzes it all up a bit – having borrowed my OH’s CEOP Ambassador hat :)

    I hope this doesn’t put you off broaching sensitive subjects in the future because as others have already said – silence is rarely the best answer.
    .-= MrsW´s last blog ..A prelude to homework =-.

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  • http://emmalouise1978.blogspot.com/ Emma-Lou

    Josie,
    I’ve only been following your tweets, and joining in with the writers workshop for a few weeks, however I feel that you are a warm, geniune and sincere person. I know the demons of depression first hand, and it reassuring to know that there are people like you trying their best to make the world a better place.
    As for “anomynous aggression” – take no notice of it. That’s all some people know – aggression, foul language, confrontation. In the end you have to pity them – they can’t even put their name to it! Just delete it (Oh if only there were other things in life you could just hit the delete button on!)
    Look after yourself flower, thinking of you, and I look forward to reading your blog in the future. xxxx
    .-= Emma-Lou´s last blog .."You’re as old as you feel"….. =-.

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  • http://www.absolutelywriteblog.blogspot.com Absolutely Write

    Well I can’t add much to all the above and I didn’t read yesterday’s outporings anyway, so I’d just like to say good for you for being honest, and don’t feel bad about deleting because it’s your blog and yours alone, and blogs aren’t just about freedom of speech – they’re about freedom of deletes too.

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  • http://www.solveig.co.uk Solveig

    Hello

    I just wanted to let you know that I’ve sent you a sunshine award because your lovely blog and brilliant writing workshops have helped me feel more a part of this blogging community.

    Thanks,
    S x

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  • http://leftofthepleiades.blogspot.com Ruth Moss

    Josie, oh lovie, you know I’m not at all quiet about my mental illness – and it is one of the reason I avoid writing even slightly contentious posts any more (or if I do, turning comments off) because the slightest bit of even disagreement makes me sick to my stomach and the panic swell up inside of me.

    And I feel like a coward, because there are so many things I feel I should say, so much I should stand up and fight for, but it’s like throwing a grenade and running away, because I cannot stand to take even disagreement. :-(

    I appreciate and am grateful for your part in the efforts to break down the stigma surrounding mental illness (even if I don’t understand the lists thing, I’m a bit slow sometimes). And sometimes part of that is self-care. :-)
    .-= Ruth Moss´s last blog ..What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. =-.

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  • http://www.irish-mammy.blogspot.com Irish Mammy

    Hi Josie
    I read your post recently about your concern for you cyber friend. I thought your heart was in the right place and your concerns were true and heart felt. I don’t know how any one could have interpreted it any differently. I hope that friend of your is ok and never feel ashamed for raising a topic of importance such as mental health. You are right there is a stigma over this and more people need to tackle the issue. Just felt your next few posts were kind of tortured and you shouldn’t feel that way for trying to do good. I suppose there is a lesson in here somewhere and that is up to each of us to have cyber and real friends know what is really going on with us.

    @ Marianne – sometimes it is worth just saying hello and asking if things are ok. If your neighbour is having a tough time, she might be glad of the friendly advice. A friend of mine helped her neighbour escape a violent relationship, just by lending a friendly ear. We need to look out for one another. If someone doesn’t want help, that is something different, but what if a person you thought you could help was suffering in silence?

    Josie, take care.
    The poem is beautiful btw.

    Treasa x
    .-= Irish Mammy´s last blog ..How NOT to do customer service =-.

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