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Pulling Up Stakes

Posted by on Jan 31, 2010 in Uncategorized | 33 comments

I have lived in the same town now for 23 years.

We moved here in the winter, just before my fifth birthday. A winter of snow, I remember, thick and deep, much like this one. It’s funny really that I should start and end my time here with snow.

For we are moving.

The little terrace house that Ant and I have made our first home is rapidly getting a little tight around the waist, our collective bulge as a family of three leaving us all feeling uncomfortable and irritable and in need of stretchier accommodation. Something with room for an extra person perhaps, of the small and loud variety, and a washing machine that isn’t in a falling-down out-house in the garden, and a hall way and a drive way and kitchen that can fit more than one of you in at a time.

We could stay here, of course, in this town. Find something nearby, in a nicer neighbourhood (of which there are some), close to friends and family and everything we know. Ant would be happy with that, he likes it here.

But I just can’t do it. It seems I have reached absolute saturation point in my ability to appreciate or enjoy anything Stafford-y. Everything about here bores me: the same streets, the same views, the same endless lines of congested traffic. The small, isolated patches of green that seem fewer and farther between than I remember. There are more featureless housing estates and unfamiliar people than ever before. The high street is drowning in a sea of boarded up shops and windows, carbon-copy brand name stores. . We are stuck in a routine of going to the same places week in week out and Kai and I have read all the books in the library.

I need a change.

I REALLY need a change.

So yes, a move it is. To greener pastures. Or rather, not-quite-the-greener-pastures-we-would-like-as-turns-out-all-the-REALLY-nice places-cost-a-bomb-but-still-pretty-nice-which-will-have-to-do.

The schools are excellent. The estates we’re looking at back on to open fields with the beautiful expanse of forest, that breathes home to me and I’m not sure I could ever leave, only five minutes up the road. There is a beautiful new leisure centre and library a short bus drive away, and towns with good shops and rail links only a ten minute drive.

It’s not perfect. Not our DREAM town. But it’s close enough. And for potential first-time-buyers slowly realising the reality of house prices vs. what we can afford to borrow and maintain, we are realising that close enough may have to do.

We went yesterday. To look around the area, get a sense of where we would want to live. We will rent first, while we get a feel for the place and while my mums sell this house that they rent out to us. And we plan to move soon, by summer at the latest.

It’s not far away. 15 miles which means Ant won’t have to move jobs and we’re close enough to family to make popping over still easy. And yet it may as well be the other side of the world in terms of my experience of settling and living anywhere new.

I’m terrified.

Completely, genuinely, metaphorically sh*t-in-my-pants, scared.

What if I hate it? What if I don’t make any friends there and am horribly lonely? What if we buy a house that falls down around our ears and that leaves us even broker than we are already? What if I’m being horribly naive and swapping an ok-but-I’m-bored-of-it town for something much worse?

F*ck it.

I will never know if I never try.

Sometimes a change IS as good as a rest, and maybe new streets to pound and new places to go to are just what I need.

I am imagining taking a big, slow, breath in of that new air and that new life, and do you know what?

I think it feels good.

Related posts:

  • http://www.notesfromlapland.blogspot.com Heather

    It may be new and scary, but honey, it’s only 15 miles away from all your friends, there’s no need to be frightened of losing them, they’ll still be there. What’s 15 miles? Seriously. My nearest supermarket is further away than that!

    And do you know what, if you hate it, you can just move back. as you say you’re only renting to start so you get to try before you buy, make sure it’s right for you three. so chin up girl, try not to worry about the what ifs and look towards the positives. Those fields and forests sound wonderful for exploring and getting muddy with Kai.

    [Reply]

    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    @Heather, I know, it must seem pathetic to you after moving around so much! But to me 15 miles feels like a very long way when I have used to having my best friend five minutes down the road my whole life :)

    Stupid I know. Just something very new to me.

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  • http://themadhouse-themadhouse.blogspot.com The Mad House

    I have moved from one end of the country to the other twice and there is never a right time and yes it is very scary, but you will have you men with you and it will be fine!!
    .-= The Mad House´s last blog ..Spiritual Sunday – The Power of Tea =-.

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    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    @The Mad House, Ahh I AM pathetic aren’t I?! Why does 15 miles feel like such a big move?!! x

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  • http://lifeslightlyused.wordpress.com/ april

    As a girl who has been using her internet friends to keep her afloat in her new city you have my complete empathy. Moving is terrifying, change is terrifying, But as heather said you will be renting, you can move back and space is an excellent thing ( I dream of a house)
    All will be okay, it will settle down – the anxiety, the terror, and in the meantime I’m right here as are we all – to write to, to support.
    You are SO brave honey.
    *hugs*
    .-= april´s last blog ..A story I was told… =-.

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    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    @april, I guess Kai’s not the only one that struggles with change :) I know, it’ll be fine. So proud of you for your big move – don’t know if I’d ever have had the courage! xxx

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  • http://drawingdad.wordpress.com/ Michael

    Ditto to the above for me too.
    Moving over 800km has been a scary and daunting experience, but in the big ways has turned out well so far. (This is leaving aside the problems with internet and appliances and plumbing and ants.) It’s hardly an ideal place, but a good start to our time here (of a few or many years).

    Yes, it’s scary, but the move just might be exactly what you need. A new place to call home. The time may come when you can’t believe you staying in Stafford for so long.

    Besides, you can’t be brave about it without the fear. Wishing you all the best for it…
    .-= Michael´s last blog ..What’s the deal, Bella Swan? =-.

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    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    @Michael, How very wise you are Mr Michael (and how I have missed your comments!)

    Hope you and A are settling in ok – have been thinking about you all ever such a lot xx

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  • http://insomniacmummy.com Insomniac Mummy

    I keep lustly ogling houses on RightMove. I so want to move but can see us affording it. :(

    I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world Josie! Sometimes a change of scenery can raise you from the doldrums and be totally inspiring.

    x
    .-= Insomniac Mummy´s last blog ..Defecting to WordPress – Advice needed! =-.

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    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    @Insomniac Mummy, It is crazy expensive. I’m not entirely sure we can afford it either to be honest but we’re very lucky as parents helping a lot x

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  • http://www.carrotsandkids.com Deb

    I guess home will be wherever you all are. Good luck with your move!

    [Reply]

    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    @Deb, It will, you are so right :) x

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  • http://www.somemothersdoaveem.blogspot.com nicola

    Fantastic Josie. I think it will be a great move. And yes, moving is absolutely terrifying. I am planning to move back to the UK – a country I haven’t lived in for 10 years – to a completely new area and am also pooing my pants at the thought of it. But ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’? Great. For. The. Soul. And you know – sometimes the harder things are – the more joy and fulfilment that results.

    Go girl.

    [Reply]

    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    @nicola, I have ‘Feel the Fear’ on my bookcase. Can you tell I’m someone that’s not very good at change??! And you speak very wisely – nothing good ever came easily.

    So excited for you moving back! Guess we’ll just both have to be brave :)

    [Reply]

  • http://www.kidstart.co.uk/livingwithkids Liz (LivingwithKids)

    It sounds to me as though this move will be absolutely brilliant for you all. Yes of course it’s scary but this is the time to do it. It’ll be fine! xxx

    [Reply]

    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    @Liz (LivingwithKids), It will. Thank you Liz – I’m just a chicken!! x

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  • http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com Kat

    I do brand new and scary every 3-5 years (such is the life of a military wife), and it will difficult, but at least you have friends in the old town and it isn’t THAT far away.
    .-= Kat´s last blog ..Dear So and So…Please Excuse the Squeeing =-.

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    Josie Reply:
    January 31st, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    @Kat, Ahh you put me to shame :) Can’t imagine that kind of lifestyle. As is probably quite apparent I’m someone that puts roots down deep. I admire you a lot for being able to make a home somewhere new so often.

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  • http://www.britsinbosnia.blogspot.com Brit In Bosnia

    Change is always scary. Really really scary. But, you know what, taking on something scary makes you feel alive, makes you feel you are living. There will be times you will think you made the most awful mistake. Expect it. But when you have managed it – you’ll come to a point when you think – WOW! We did it! What shall we do next? And you will never get to a point when you think ‘I wish I’d tried….’.

    Brilliant. Go for it. Enjoy it, the good bits and the bad. You’ll feel alive because of it. Hugs x

    [Reply]

  • http://www.usebefore.blogspot.com Vegemitevix

    Moving is hard work, physically and emotionally. Where you move to is almost irrelevant. I have done some huge moves. I once lived in four houses in one year (actually I’ve done that a couple of times now I think about it). I moved ten times in ten years and lived in two different countries in that time, and of course not to mention the big move across the world in August 2008…but I believe firmly a move to another suburb even to a nicer suburb and a nicer house can be extremely stressful. It’s right up there on the list. One of the best things about moving? That moment when you’re about to get in the car/plane and it’s just you, Ant and Kai. That’s when you’ll realise as long as those guys are there, you’ll be at home. xx

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  • http://www.mummymania.blogspot.com Mummy Mania

    so exciting! And I know it’s scary too, but a fresh start is always good…. and it’s not too far so you cna still nip back for bouts of nostaligia. We moved recently and it was daunting at first getting to know everything again, but already I feel we’ve been here for ever. Think of all those shops to investigate, all those new parks to explore… the very best of luck.

    [Reply]

  • http://rosiescribble.typepad.com Rosie Scribble

    Change can be terrifying, especially when you have lived in the same town for so long. Your gut feeling is telling you you are doing the right thing, that’s evident in your post and I am excited for you. We plan to move in th next couple of years and I am bored of where we live (in total I have lived here for about 18 years). I am desperate for a change. The thought if moving also makes me nervous, it’s fear of the unknown. At times routines can be reassuring, but you only live once, so like you, we’re going to go for it!
    .-= Rosie Scribble´s last blog ..The little girl who thinks she runs the country =-.

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  • http://babyrambles.blogspot.com Emily O

    Really interesting to read this as it’s a different experience to me. I moved around a lot as a child (I’m originally northern) and I’ve also lived in the west country and London (in Berkshire now). Since getting married we’ve moved around a lot as well. I actually like the idea of a ‘home town’ because I’ve never had one. I’m certain you will be fine and that you’ll make friends in your new area. It often means having to make the first move when getting to know people which can be daunting. But it’s worth it. And wherever you live, your bloggy friends are still here! Good luck x
    .-= Emily O´s last blog ..10 things I’d forgotten about breastfeeding =-.

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  • http://www.strocel.com Amber

    I’m sure that you can do it. Thinking good thoughts for you, that this change will be just what you needed!
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..I’m Sorry I Don’t Have a Better Title =-.

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  • http://www.musingsofageriatricmummy.blogspot.com geriatric mummy

    As someone who has moved around more times than I care to remember I think its great to do it at least once. The first time is the hardest but after that you can go anywhere and that feels rather liberating :D Good luck…15 miles really is only a short hop away x

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  • http://crunchiemummy.wordpress.com Karen@ If I Could Escape

    Good luck with your move. Change can be terrifying yet so very rewarding! We’ll be picking up stakes this summer and moving back to the uk! Now, let’s talk about terrifying!

    PS Really enjoy visiting your blog and have added you to my blogroll!!
    .-= Karen@ If I Could Escape´s last blog ..Musical Monday … Everybody’s Talking =-.

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  • http://www.lifewithalittledude.blogspot.com leslieanne

    Oh I so know where you’re coming from – my childhood was a constant stream of moving around due to my dads job, and it terrified me everytime.
    The worst was coming here (ie: England) when all I’d ever known was Scotland.
    I had NO idea what to expect, and I soent 3 months sh*tting myself.
    But, it turned out to be the best thing ever – I ended up meeting the love of my life, having a ball, then having a baby :)
    Try to look at it as an adventure – think how much fun you’ll have making a new place your own & all the fun you & Kai will have in those forests.
    Lots & lots of love & luck.
    You will rock, whatever your postcode is xxxxx

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  • http://1husband2kidsandlotsofbooks.blogspot.com/ 1 Husband, 2 Kids

    Go fot it. We moved from Milton Keynes to Manchester last May. There were things that made it easier – Husband’s parents are just around the corner from our new house – but even so it was pretty scary, but… it’s been great. It’s really refreshing to try new things and find out about a new place and kids are simply the best introduction to a new place. They are the perfect conversation starter (and sometimes stopper as well!) as well as keeping you too busy to get properly lonely anywhere… Good luck, hope it all works out great for you and look forward to reading about it along the way.
    .-= 1 Husband, 2 Kids´s last blog ..A star is born… =-.

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  • http://careyanniesmummasaid.blogspot.com Careyannie

    I also say go for it! For many it is fear of the unknown that holds people back and you often find the final outcome is far better than first thought. I too am planning to move to a new area and I cannot wait! There is much to be said for staying put but so much more to gain from stretching ones wings and trying new horizons. Good luck to you and your family Im sure it will all go very well for you!!
    .-= Careyannie´s last blog ..Thank You Very Much Meme =-.

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  • http://www.moderndilemma.typepad.com M.D.

    “Good on Ya” as my Aussie mates would say. And that’s antipodean friends found thousands of miles from here, not in Earl’s Court. We moved 7000 miles to Singapore a few years back and I’ll write you all about it in this week’s workshop. 15 miles is a little closer to home but change is freaky when you’ve been in the same town for a long time. You’ll be fine and a cuppa with your mates is only 30 minutes away on the bad days.

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  • http://eringoblagh.wordpress.com ErinGoBlagh

    I’m so excited for you! But I do understand your anxiety. I moved from my home town to a town only about 10 minutes away, but it felt like I moved across the globe in some aspects. Different schools, different stores, different people. But I got used to it. And I’m thankful my children won’t be stuck in the same toxic city that I grew up in.

    Take it easy! You’re going to LOVE your new place! I just know it!

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  • http://www.amodernmother.com A Modern Mother

    I guess 15 miles or 6,000 miles (as in my case) is all relative. Though I would love to be 15 miles from my best friend.
    .-= A Modern Mother´s last blog ..Is being a good writer enough? =-.

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  • http://mwaonline.blogspot.com Mwa

    I think it feels good – that made me laugh. You go for it. No what ifs eh? If you rent to start with, it’s easy enough to come back if you don’t like it. Pastures new hurray!
    .-= Mwa´s last blog ..Blurgh =-.

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