Mood Swings « Sleep is for the Weak

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Mood Swings

I’m a bit up and down at the moment. I’m not sure why.

Some of it is just me I think. I’ve always blown a bit hot and cold and never been very good at concealing my emotions. If I’m happy you could probably solve the world’s energy crisis by running a power lead off my manic energy. But if I’m upset, or pissed off? Man alive, are you going to know about it. The Hadron Collider holds nothing like my potential for causing an accidental Universal Apocalypse. Most days I like this, it makes life more interesting. It makes ME more interesting.

But lately I seem to have been even more temperamental, with the emphasis on mental that is. And what’s frustrating me is that my ‘ups’ are being far overshadowed by my ‘downs’, with the down days triggered by more and more meaningless, pathetic incidents. An unkind word, perhaps not even meant for me but taken that way, can leave me wallowing for hours. I am more and more easily hurt, offended, sensitive and buffeted by the energy and comments of other people.

Is it the no sleep thing? Is the months of sleep deprivation finally making a dent in my mental health? Things are better, yes, but one good night is offset by about ten bad and I’m still managing on about 4-5 hours a night, 6-7 on a really good night.

Or is it the writing? More and more I’m finding I need to open myself emotionally, not only to find the right words to express what I’m trying to say, but to help me perceive the world in a way that is interesting, evocative and engaging. And by ‘opening’ myself to that process I fall in love with it, care about it, obsess about it in a way I’m not sure is always healthy and leaves me vulnerable to feeling deflated and low in confidence.

Or is it, (and I hate this excuse but it’s a valid one), hormones. Kai is breastfeeding less, my prolactin levels have probably dropped through the floor, and other hormones seem to be reinstating their influence as evidenced by the visit of an old friend this week who has been absent since I fell pregnant (yes, that was a euphemism, to spare my male readers some embarrassment).

What ever it is, I don’t like it. I feel out of balance and out of control.

Would love to hear if anyone else struggles with this problem (although you men folk are excused from the last point). How do you balance yourself emotionally? What keeps you feeling sane?

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Kelly_A place of my own

I have been meaning to pop over and leave a comment on this post for a few days.

I don't know if this will help at all but pre baby I used to be a hormonal nightmare until I started taking Evening Primrose Oil and Starflower Oil capsules. Boots and Tesco do a combined version I think. Taking these really helped me deal with my hormones and really reduced the ups and downs.

I have no idea if they would make a difference but I am sure they wouldn't make anything worse so perhaps worth a try :)
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..It's a mystery =-.

Josie

@Kelly, Thanks Kelly - it's funny but I wondered whether to try EPO. Will definitely give it a try I think xx

Olivia

Has anyone heard of trying bioidentical hormones? I have been having mood swings and not sleeping for what seems like years!!

Cave Mother

I think the persistent poor sleeps really do sap your energy and affect your mood, and hormones can't be any help either. I know exactly how you feel - being tired makes me emotionally rawer. I can weep as easily at a beautiful swaying tree as I can at a dinner spilt on the floor.

I know the return of your period is not that welcome, but at least it lets you know that your body's OK and ready for business, as it were. I'm kind of hoping mine makes an appearance soon, just so I know that everything's all right in there.
.-= Cave Mother´s last blog ..Thoughts On Weaning =-.

Vegemitevix

Oh Josie, Big hugs flying through cyber for you! I think everyone's completely right - tiredness, mania of Christmas, intensity of raising a small one, hormones....I am a bit like you though, I'm either really up or really down and I absolutely obsess over whether what I've written is good enough, that not as many people read my blog as some of the others, that the pagination didn't work out or no PRs are knocking my door down for features etc etc Writing does open you up and makes you feel increasingly vulnerable. Just a quick thought though - I developed post natal depression after my second child was born. I didn't think I would suffer because I was such a strong minded independent person (as if that has anything to do with it), and because she was already six months old (I thought for some reason it happened very early on). I was wrong the doctor who diagnosed me helped me to realise that I have a personality that is predisposed to depression (long periods of low mood is how it's medically defined) and that the pregnancy had kicked it off. Maybe have a word with your doctor next time you see her to get her take on the situation. Big hugs anyway irrespective of the cause. Hope you feel a little more in balance soon. xxx

Rosie Scribble

Oh, I hope you will be feeling better soon. It is probably a mixture of everything - sleep deprivation and hormones combined, plus a lot of us seem to be up and down, reading the rest of the comments.The dull weather seems to add to the glum at times, for me at least. I try to tell myself it will pass, but eventually it does, but it can be a rollercoaster at times certainly.
.-= Rosie Scribble´s last blog ..Blogging, taboo topics and the issue of self-disclosure =-.

Platespinner

Hi Josie. I too can sympathise and say you are certainly not alone. It sounds like you have a good idea what is going on - probably a combination of all the factors you mention. I really tipped into PND after I finished breastfeeding, so that may well have something to do with it (not suggesting you have PND by the way). Tiredness will make you very irritable and down too. Sometimes I find I go through the tiredness barrier and get a burst of fairly manic energy but that can make me more exhausted in the long run if I'm not getting enough sleep.

The things I do to help include writing, taking baths and trying to calm my mind by being in the present and not letting my thoughts run off with me. As I've had an episode of depression, I've also been in psychotherapy which is helping me a lot, although not everyone has the time or money for it. You might want to check out the mindapples website for ideas from others on simple things to look after your mental well-being. And cut yourself some slack too...

I do hope you're feeling better soon - keep writing about it if it helps.
.-= Platespinner´s last blog ..The Language of Firsts =-.

fun mum / glum mum

i am the queen of moodswings! russ can leave the house with a happy smilie mum and baby and by the time he gets home from work he has a frazzled mum and a screaming child! which of course is all his fault! i try really hard not to take it out on him but its inevitable since he is the only adult i see sometimes for days on end!

if im up then im sky high! funny, personable and i think, a joy to be around. if im down then i could give the monsters from hell a run for their money! the worst thing is i never know how im going to be. so the annoyance of suddenly finding myself snapping, crying and generally being a bitch, actually makes me feel guilty and then even worse! its a vicious circle and although i have no advice on how to handle these feelings and mood swings i can say with 100% certainty that you are definatley not alone!

please please keep up with the writing as even if you have a day when you think its not helping you much, i can again tell you that it is 100% helping someone somewhere! usually me xxx xxx xxx

geriatric mummy

Oh Josie. I really do know how you feel...I've felt the same since Star was about 4 mths old. Whilst I'm not qualified to comment on your writing theory I absolutely agree that sleep deprivation and hormones are likely culprits.

Sleep is so important for mental health...sleep deprivation is not a form of torture for no reason. Does Kai nap in the day ? If he does, take a nap yourself...the housework, blog, etc can wait. This is my primary coping mechanism...sleep comes first. And hormones...it will take a while for your bocy to readjust...it's been a long time ! You can take a Starflower supplement which will help with anything hormonal enormously, as will a reflexology treatment...

It's time to put yourself and your needs first my love, something us mothers find hard to do x

Selina Kingston

I wish I knew the answer to that one! I put it down to lack of sunlight but that doesn't explain why I get like this in the summer too!!
I have been led to your blog by Maternal Tales but actually I have seen a lot of writers referring to you recently and so I was keen to swing by. I'm so pleased I did - great blog! And we clearly think alike as I wrote a letter to myself a while back only to find that you had suggested that in your writing workshop at around the same time!!
I'll definitely be back x
.-= Selina Kingston´s last blog ..Tis The Season To Be Jolly (....apparently!) =-.

Aly

Hormones do play a huge part as you know with breastfeeding.I haven't had no more than 4 hours max for over 4 years.Kieran sleep walks and has nightmares, Caitlin wets the bed and Mia feeds nightly at the milk bar.Yes, I am tired, emotional (I cry for no reason most days), forgetful, stressed and a whole bunch of 'negative' stuff.I have since having my oldest concluded I have either PND or I'm mental.I have never been to a doctor, I just look at what has troubled/ upset me.Talking is good.Or writing.I wrote an epic post on PND a few months back but never published it.I look at it now and then and chuckle.If I was 'mental' I wouldn't be able to ask myself that question (apparantly).My periods didn't periods didn't return with Kieran until he was 14 months, 4 months after finishing.With Caitlin it was 19 months, 2 months after finishing.With Mia I light periods, pain and 'bitch' Aly a couple of months ago just for two months nothing since.Prolactin stops you from being fertile, the more night feeds Kai has the less chance of your periods retuning.I hate periods.I'd rather be tired and ditzy.But that's me.Basically, what you are feeling is normal.Talk to your health visitor or other mums, that's what I did.It surprised me that I waswn't alone and I was able to accept myself more.
.-= Aly´s last blog ..I’m moving…..back to Blogger =-.

Capital Mom

I am going to go with a combination of all of the above. When I got my first period last month I was crazy. And then he started not sleeping at night and I was crazy. Sometimes I just want to yell at every person I see on the street for walking the wrong way.
Take some time to yourself if you can and be gentle on yourself. See how you feel next week.

april

I'd say all of the above honey...it sucks to be feeling like that and i wish for your sake that you didn't.
Many hugs. Many. All I can say is keep writing, keep talking to friends and those you love about it, if they see it or you see it as getting too bad then get professional help (GP, Counselling, whatever you need). And this kind of thing, research. I can't say what it was like for me as I'm not a great example for the 'average' mental health level on a good day, but yes, all the above and many many *hugs* wonderful person.
.-= april´s last blog ..Advice or the house movers lament… =-.

Amber

I blame the hormones. I had a similar visitor this week, and could not stop crying. You forget how much they can rock your world until they come back full force. :(
.-= Amber´s last blog ..These Boots Were Made for Walkin’ =-.

Emily O

I think having children turns you into an emotional wreck. Hormones are partly to blame and also the overwhelming love, protectiveness, frustration and guilt you have for and about your children. Nothing else in life makes you feel like that. And writers are usually very emotional people, how else do you tap into other people's feelings without feeling them in an extreme way yourself? I'm probably not helping you feel any better at all here! Other than suggesting you find a way to accept and cope with the bad days and celebrate the good ones (something I could do myself as well).
.-= Emily O´s last blog ..The nativity play - tantrums and tiaras =-.

Tim (The Dotterel)

Goodness, Josie... Well look, I'm excused some of the above but let me just say one thing. No, two. First blokes might not (ok, don't) have the same roller-coaster ride of chemicals but I find most of my male friends - and me - feel the same way from time to time. And lack of sleep is definitely part of the problem. We just have a different (radically, sometimes) way of dealing with it, usually involving denial and self-medication. But enough of me.
Second, don't underestimate the effort and emotional energy that any self-exploratory piece of writing can demand... It's as tiring as therapy. But usually more successful.
Put it down on paper. Or blog about it. (Oh, you have...)
.-= Tim (The Dotterel)´s last blog ..Happy Christmas! =-.

Liz (LivingwithKids)

Well my family will tell you I'm up and down quite a lot. It may well be the prolactin levels - I have a pituitary tumour which definitely affects my hormones. But sometimes there is something making you feel down and the hardest part is admitting it to yourself, so maybe try writing down what might be the cause.

Mwa

Oh Josie Josie, I hope it wasn't my remark that did it. Of course I struggle with exactly that. Don't underestimate how hard it is to stay home with a small child and stay happy in the process. It's nearly impossible. The end of breastfeeding will definitely have something to do with it. Your body was used to the happy chemicals now.

How I deal with it? Blogging, date night, creche (!!! - you need some time off sometimes), alcohol, books, and sometimes just not. Then I have a little breakdown.

It's difficult, isn't it? xxx
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..The simple and the not so simple life =-.

Mummy Mania

Hi Josie, you are not alone! Ive just been working on my next post because I feel the same way - disjointed and chronically chronically tired. I don't like who I am these days - we just need to old us back! Hormones play a lot (i'm having my first period since my last miscarriage and have been a nightmre all week.). sleeplessness saps every last piece of fun from us. as you;ll read later when i fianlly get my post finished, I actually had to resort to taking the day off today (with kids of course!). No school. No dance class. No toddler class. No shopping and all the other crap I had planned. I'm actually typing this while we watch Sleeping Beauty. maybe you need a break if possible?? Don't fight the feelin, and soon the old you will return. Am thinking of you...

Emma @ Notsuchayummymummy

Oh hun, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy at the moment. I have no idea about the writing thing, I'm not a writer so I don't understand how you feel! I do understand the physical aspects of cutting down on breastfeeding and periods though!

I had my first period when Sam was 6 months old (when I was reducing to 2 feeds a day) and it hit me like a bus! I felt weepy, tired, down, narky (much more than I ever did before I got pregnant) for about 2 weeks. It may just be conincidence that you feel like this at that time of the month. Or it may not. Once I realised what it was and I wouldn't feel like this forever I felt much better.

It could be a combination of everything you've put and also the fact we're coming up to Christmas, the most expensive & stressful time of the year! You need a break which you'll get soon when Ant is off work. You'll have adult company, the chance for a nap whenever you need one and a husband to cuddle at any time.

Hopefully by the New Year you'll be refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world again. In the meantime keep chocolate stores high, a bottle of wine in the fridge and Tweetdeck on. Your friends will get you through it!! xxx