Circles of Trust

Something has been playing on my mind a little lately.

You see, for me, the internet has always been about making connections. I’ve gravitated towards social networking sites, like Facebook and Twitter; towards forums and chatrooms. It’s been about finding information, yes, but mostly about making friends. I’m not a overly sociable person by nature, something I’ve talked about on here before, tending to feel shy and clumsy in front of people, and the ability to type rather than talk, to have to time to think about what to say, has always made me feel more confident, witty, and articulate than I feel in real life. I suspect many of you with a similar love for the online world feel the same.

Often I feel too tired for the effort of social interaction in my real life. I don’t get most people, or feel that they get me. I’m not very good at opening up to people, feeling like I have to pretend to be someone ‘acceptable’ the whole time, nor am particularly good at social niceties. I get irritated and bored easily, feel easily overwhelmed, and am very self concious. There are very few people I feel comfortable being truly myself with – my family, Ant and my best friend are the only people I’m not embarrassed to be ‘me’ with.

Online though it is different. I can choose to walk away from a social situation at any time. I can choose what information I reveal and what I choose to keep hidden, what points of view I’d like to share and those discussions I’d rather avoid. I can choose to spend time with the people I connect with, and politely ignore those that I don’t. I get to make the rules, and I love that.

I wonder sometimes what most of you would think of me if you met me in real life. Would you be disappointed? Surprised?

Generally I think I’ve been very honest on here, in fact I find it almost impossible not to be. I’ve revealed things I never would if I met you in real life, the safety of hiding behind my computer screen making me brave and allowing me to open up in a way I usually struggle with. I feel like I always give you an accurate picture of the ‘real’ me,  although maybe it is not the me that would be obviously apparent if you were to meet me. In short though, I have been truthful. Always.

I tend to make the automatic assumption that the people I come across on the internet are the same. I assume that when they talk about themselves, they too are being honest and truthful, giving a fair representation of their lives and of themselves. I mean, why would I doubt them? I do believe that the vast majority of the people that use the internet for social networking are genuine, honest people looking, like me, for a little connection. Perhaps, like me, their online persona is more comfortable for them then their real life one but at the end of the day, the people I ‘meet’ are the people that they are.

Generally my experiences have backed this up. I have, in the past, made friendships so strong online that they have carried over into real life too. I have met a number of people that I have previously only known by nicknames, or through an online presence, and  meeting them has been an amazing and positive experience – I may have never met these people but I did know them, some of them better than the vast majority of my real life friends. I feel my life is vastly enriched by these online friendships, both those in my past that are now real life friends too, and new friends that I’ve made recently through Twitter and the blog, some of whom I already feel very close to.

However.

Sometimes I do wonder if that is a little naive. There was once an incident in which I person I had befriended wasn’t who she said she was, or at least, the evidence seemed to point that way. I was deeply shocked and hurt, and for a time did become more wary about who I chose to trust. But I don’t like being suspicious of people, more predisposed to trust than I am to mistrust, and once again find myself placing a great amount of confidence in my online world, that it is exactly as it appears to be.

I’m really interested to know what you think about this.

SHOULD we trust the people we meet online? Should we exercise some caution? And how can you do that with out being cagey, paranoid and cynical? How do we protect ourselves yet still allow ourselves to be open enough to really connect with people? Have you generally found people to be truthful? Or have you been let down by people who weren’t who they said they were?

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