Comments on: So…emm… what am I supposed to be doing again?

By: Motherhood and Anarchy

Motherhood and Anarchy — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:14:10 +0000

A really interesting post and comments. I very much agree with what Brit in Bosnia said about children being over stimulated and needing to learn to entertain themselves. I too feel very guilty about finding playing with younger children boring, but for me, there really is only so long I can put brick into a box without going mad. It does get more fun when they can do puzzles etc. I think it’s hardest when you just have one as they look to you to play. These days we are all so hard on ourselves, constantly questioning what we do. I once read a great phrase about “mothering by being there” – ie, you are a presence but not controlling everything they do/play with. I like that idea.
.-= Motherhood and Anarchy´s last blog ..Book Club – Review of The Book Thief by Markus Zusak and reflections on war. =-.

By: Michael

Michael — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:46:19 +0000

My little ones are at the not-so-little ages of 10 and 7 now. Structured play was minimal to non-existent in our household when they were toddlers and they both turned out to be very intelligent, perceptive, talented and thoughtful kids. I hope they go on to be those kind of adults too. So never mind the bollocks! .-= Michael´s last blog ..Creative Process (2) =-.

By: Josie

Josie — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:59:17 +0000

@Ellen, I’m so sorry you’re feeling rubbishy this week More treats for you are needed, and patience with yourself. We’re both doing great ok?! We just need to keep remembering that. Hope you feel better xxxx

By: Ellen

Ellen — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:59:09 +0000

Hi Josie

I know exactly how you feel, I feel awful about taking Ben out of nursery and leaving his development at the mercy of whether or not I can be bothered, each day! You are doing really well getting out to toddler groups etc… (I don’t manage every week) and Kai is still young to know every part of his body and the animal kingdom.

I’ve been feeling so down and rubbishy this week (I think its a combination of potty training blues and the kids being horrors at night) that I’ve started to wonder if I’ve made a big mistake staying at home – I worry that my blues will bring everyone down with me and that they’d be better with people paid to pretend to enjoy pushing cars around.

I think it sounds like you are doing a fab job and from the look of it every Mum finds it a tedious job sometimes and we all worry that we aren’t good enough for our kids. Kudos coming your way for having the balls to admit it, and a big hug to make it feel a better. x
.-= Ellen´s last blog ..The not so sweet smell of sucess =-.

By: Mwa

Mwa — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:59:04 +0000

So many comments, and nearly one in the morning. So sorry if I duplicate.

You are fine. And structured play is completely unnecessary. As long as you interact with each other, and do things together, he will be fine. I think in fact that it’s unnatural to have all this structured play with an adult. If it doesn’t feel right, there’s probably some evolutionary reason.

I have to admit to thinking all these things when my son was little, and I just felt guilty, because I couldn’t make myself convincingly pretend to like all the mindnumbingly boring stuff I tried to do.

Now I’ve relaxed. I laugh with my kids, tell stories, sing songs, we play games that I like together and we will build Duplo castles or something. I will even help dress a dolly. But real kid-type play? They’re on their own. As long as you provide plenty of opportunity for Kai to play with other kids (as I’m sure you do), you’re doing just fine. That’s why I love the creche and school.

Also, I find the most valuable learning experiences for kids are real-life situations. We go to the shop and name everything we see. She gets to put “two” of something in the basket. We see other people and discuss what they are doing. Or I’m cleaning and she has a rag and a kiddy hoover. You get the picture.

You’re fine. Don’t try to do what you’re bad at all the time. Just do what you love and are good at. I’m sure you’ll end up teaching him plenty.

Oh, and while I’m hijacking your blog anyway, I just read that structured learning before about age six is not only unnecessary, it may actually do more harm than good. Just trust Kai’s learning instincts. He will get there his own way, whatever you do.

xxxx
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..The question: changed, manic or abducted by aliens? =-.

By: Amber

Amber — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:45:28 +0000

You know what? I take every little bit of independent play that my kids will give me. It’s actually very enriching for them to go and do their own thing, in their own way. They don’t really need us to give them structure to their play, or make sure they’re reaching their optimal potential, or anything. They can mostly figure it out for themselves.

You can love your kids to bits, but honestly their games are just not that interesting. And with good reason – we’ve been there and done that decades ago. We’ve made all the block towers we need to make, you know? It’s good to try to engage with Kai on his level, but don’t beat yourself up if it’s not super interesting and fun for you.

I think it’s great that you have other interests. I think it’s great for Kai to know that you have other interests. These little ones don’t need to be the complete centre of our universe at all times. As long as they are just often enough, they’ll be just fine.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Self-Promotion Is No Fun =-.

By: Muddling Along Mummy

Muddling Along Mummy — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:36:43 +0000

Dear goodness you are not a shit stay at home mum – from my experience it is the hardest job in the world; isolating, difficult, guilt ridden and just darn hard

Keeping a toddler occupied and interested is beyond difficult – you are doing the best that you can and as a Mummy that is just all you can do

Oh and giving them space to explore and develop on their own is a great gift – better that than being one of those horrid helicopter mums who interfere continually in their child’s life
.-= Muddling Along Mummy´s last blog ..I’m going to be a breast milk donor !!! =-.

By: Linda

Linda — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:32:05 +0000

You do far more than my mum ever did and like most daughters, I love my mum unconditionally. I’m glad you feel cheered by the comments, you can only be you. That will always be good enough. My experience, as a mum of twins was that less playing and more running around was called for. Good luck and stop putting yourself down. Good day. x

By: Solveig

Solveig — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:10:17 +0000

Wow, you have said just the things I worry about. I work part time, but on the days I’m home with the kids I forever worry I’m not doing enough with them and that I selfishly want to read my magazine, clean the kitchen, check my email, drink my tea, do the laundry, instead of play with the kids.

Like you, I do stuff – go to the park, library, meet friends, do a few crafty things. But when we are at home I always feel I should be doing more. I often feel that I expect them to entertain themselves too much.

But, to be honest, I don’t remember my mum spending hours and hours playing with me. It’s probably a good thing for kids to learn to entertain themselves and not rely on their parents to provide the entertainment for them…something like that anyway!!!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:26:26 +0000

Have loved reading this post and the comments, I am sure these will make me feel better when Piran is a bit older!

Award for you at mine x
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Look out! Chickens! =-.