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Stupid Search Terms

Very quick post for you today as I’m snowed under with various things this week. Actually, I was going to save this one for Thursday but I can’t wait till then – I need something to make me smile while I’m trying to get this stupid assignment finished tonight!

I always love hearing about all the weird and wonderful search terms that have lead people to your blog. I want you to pick the best few and leave them in the comments for us all to share…

My favourites from recently:

“why do I sleep on an angle?”

“gagging my sister”

“getting a set of balls”

“woman runner lobotomy”

…but I know these are rubbish in comparison to a lot of what you get!

So come on then? Check your stats and tell us your best ones!


  1. Just this week …

    “where can I get a vasectomy on the Costa Blanca”
    “bingo wings cling film”
    “flabby p*ss flaps”
    “hottest arses in Spain”
    “Mr Maker’s pants”

    How disappointed all those people are going to be when they arrive at my blog.

  2. This week I have had
    - salt beef
    - friction and wear hayward gallery
    - leggings in singapore and malaysia
    - tennis ball
    - in my mind
    - lots of gnomes
    - catching crabs
    .-= Victoria ´s last blog ..Fez =-.

  3. I now feel very boring – the best I’ve had is: ‘garden gnomes for obama’ and ‘plumber double entendres’.

    This isn’t good enough. I shall complain to the higher authorities of weirdness and fetishes.

  4. My favourites:

    Can eating chicken turn you into a zombie?
    Hot Mummy
    Naughty fun in Didsbury
    Big boobs
    Wobbly pelvic feeling

    I am so proud.
    .-= Insomniac Mummy´s last blog ..She is a devil woman or Money for blogging and the perks are free =-.

  5. Oh good, it’s not just me then. My last one was British Mummy Tits, which alarmed me somewhat!
    .-= Rosie Scribble´s last blog ..Blogging is not a competitive sport =-.

  6. Well, obviously I’ve been rocking the term
    - gay porn
    - a little, little, little dance for me
    which I love – two littles isn’t enough.
    - how to decorate a booth to attract children
    is just creepy.
    - would i need a translator to go to france
    - you’re so zen
    .-= Mwa´s last blog ..My retail life is shit =-.

  7. My favourite two are

    “mummy bloggers lonely loosers” and “matter expands to fill” – eh ???
    .-= Muddling Along Mummy´s last blog ..We survived the wedding ! =-.

  8. You know I’m always good for these…

    A small sample over the past week:

    “constipated cross-eyed bear”
    “pass dashing toilet whores”
    “I haven’t shat in the shower for 6 months”
    “house wife tit flashers in the pub”

    All I can say is that all these searchers are coming to the right place.
    .-= The NDM´s last blog ..Who’s Counting? =-.

  9. I get a lot of search terms about rape, unfortunately, which I hate reading and won’t repost here because most of them are quite upsetting.

    On a brighter note, some recent funny (non-rape-related) ones include:

    some beatings took place en route to prison, many savage in nature

    haven’t shaved in years

    tom brady is a bitch

    peppermint and honey in vagina

    .-= Noble Savage´s last blog ..Make me cringe, punk! =-.

  10. Most of mine relate to pregnancy, or sloe gin. Luckily, none are for both.

    There are quite a few poo ones. My favourites:
    - congratulations first poo
    - feels like pooing through front passage (WTF?)
    - pregnant poo stories (what were they after?)

    Three particularly random ones:
    - fuzzy head 45
    - i knew it better than my own
    - the most random sentence in the whole world (I wonder what that is?)

    My personal favourite (who googles this when in labour? seriously)
    what can i do to help deliver my baby having contractions

    They must have been so disappointed.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Best of friends =-.

  11. I am sat in the corner with a dunces hat on. Please help, I dont know where to look!!!
    .-= TheMadHouse´s last blog ..Christmas Cake and Christmas Puddings =-.

  12. Most of my search terms have to do with maternity leave, and are not terribly exciting. Here are a few that are SLIGHTLY more interesting, though:

    “33rd birthday” socks
    “bud light belt buckle”
    adult breastfeeding relationship
    do belly buttons go away
    dollar store pregnancy test
    hair clips barrettes hair for my son
    how to earn $179 a week
    is the rest of the world jealous of americans
    stay at home mom drain on society
    what diapers are used in norway?
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..On Having No Life =-.

  13. I’ve had some great mental ones from this week alone:
    ‘poo slave’ wtf??
    ‘i don’t travel’
    ‘im 16, will i get charged for cancelling’
    ‘pregnant elephants’
    ‘what does pimms taste like?’

    Love them!

  14. Oh, these are brilliant, I’m crying.

    I always think the people find my blog on these searches must be so disappointed.

    Kenny Goss (I disappointed 7 people with this one)
    National anthem that will blow your mind
    Babies with bad hair (bugger off)
    Down slide hair
    Feet long toenails lovely Sue
    Make your own baby and make own girl an dad
    Mellow yellow rapeseed oil(?)
    Saab birthday card
    Selfish flash scraps
    Shoplifting in Boots UK(OY!)
    xxx Model calico
    .-= SandyCalico´s last blog ..Live and Let Live =-.

  15. HAHAHA. That’s hilarious. Mine have been a bit boring recently:
    - advice slummy mummy (not that I had any on offer)
    - becoming a house wife (yawn…)
    - feel like a crap mum (hello my friend!)
    - is it ok for babies to have a lazy day? (Josie, was that you?)
    .-= Metropolitan Mum´s last blog ..It’s daddy’s turn =-.

  16. Mine are so boring!! I need to write more interesting posts!!!
    thriller logo
    baby genie
    park seasaw slide
    adobe “customer service”
    dream tubes
    mum & bump tablets
    mini monsters
    the boot is on the other foot saying
    chung shi for bar work and waitressing


  17. i have one – break break blog – it is my only one. i feel bereft :(
    must go back and read lists to laugh again :)
    .-= april´s last blog ..The recipe that got out of hand and made me cry =-.

  18. I had a post about “how to piss off a modern mother” and I can’t even begin to describe the types of hits I was getting…
    .-= A Modern Mother´s last blog ..The case of the missing bra and panties =-.

  19. So far my best have been:
    Joan Collins (how disappointing for them to find lil ol’me)
    My daughter eat Sudocream hell
    Fiat Cinquecento (bet they didn’t get what they were expecting)
    embarrasing stirrups examinations (hope they were satisfied).

  20. And now I feel totally left out because I’ve never looked. How could I have missed out on such fabulous entertainment.
    Am off now to try and discover how to do it on Blogger . . .
    .-= Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog ..When mummy bloggers meet =-.

  21. Mine as exciting as the rest!

    I get ‘new mummy’ a lot
    ‘ella annoucements phone number’
    ‘dad and mummy the best’
    ‘ a small world mummy’
    ‘unicef pampers’
    ‘find me a new mummy’ ???
    ‘slip, slap slop,’
    but my fav is ‘Evil Mummys’ says it all!
    .-= New Mummy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  22. most of mine are v dull, except:
    cheered me up immensely: my stupid search terms “how to eat fresh slugs” and “cooking slugs”…If I’d known then what I know now, I may have chosen a different blog name.

  23. Ooh thank you Google Analytics! Look at these!!!:
    - “sue atkins” + fairy
    - down slide static hair
    - how can you come confident
    - looking to explain behavior or 9 year old gagging himself with a fork (I kid you not!!!)
    - mislaid pen frantic
    - social confidence and god
    - you want to be hard, i chose not to do so
    - what is the cause of crumbs during pregnancy?

    and my favourite:
    - stories of sleep creep (WTF???!!)

    Love it. I keep reading these and laughing all over again – keep them coming people!! x

  24. Most of mine are dull. I felt quite sullied by whoever found me with “wet her knickers”. Also felt sorry for the person who found me via “the other philips park (not one in whitefei)” Whitefield was spelt wrongly and, as I only have a post about Philps Park in Whitefield, they didn’t even get to read about the “other” Philips Park!
    .-= Kath@Parklover´s last blog ..Staffs and Worcs canal, Hinksford =-.

  25. This month I have had;

    “where did tina malone have her gastric surgery”
    “baby dogs from mummy’s tummys”
    “tights under trousers”
    “saggy breasts” and
    “tt pippe steak” (What the heck?!)

    I do wonder sometimes!
    .-= Pippa´s last blog ..Baby Boy Giggles – He’s getting too well known! =-.

  26. In the last two days:

    England mom role
    as long as i’m living my mommy you’ll be
    american has baby in england, is baby american?
    referex internet marketing

    not really sure how some of those found my blog. . .

  27. How on earth do you find that stuff out??


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