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It is hard not to want

It is hard not to want a bigger kitchen when you only have one work surface, two drawers, three cupboards and a cooker that only works if the planets are in correct alignment.

It is hard not to want proper plumbing when a hot shower is rarely guaranteed and seemingly dependent on the washing habits of an entire street.

It is hard not to want some new clothes when the jumper you are wearing is on it’s third owner.

It is hard not to want to see the world when it is so beautiful.

It is hard not to want to be successful at something you love so much and think you maybe, MAYBE could be quite good at.

It is hard not to want that thing you love so much to make you some money when you live so close to the wire.

It is hard not to want your baby to sleep better when you are so unbelievably tired.

It is hard not to want to be more self-sufficient when you rely so much on the generosity of others.

It is hard not to want an extra couple of free hours in the day when there is so much to do.

It is hard not to want to be pain-free when you have an army of tiny microscopic beavers gnawing at your joints, crapping in the resulting orifice and then lighting that crap on fire.

It is hard not to want a peaceful neighbourhood when the soundtrack to your life is a dog’s incessant barking, idiots arguing, car stereos blaring and doors slamming.

It is hard not to want to swap the view from your son’s window from this:

bins to  harold-silverman-row-of-trees

… or to change the first thing he sees when he steps out the front door from this:

dog-poop to  flowers

It is hard not to want

BUT

I have.

SO much.

A home, food, warmth.

More love and friendship than I know what to do with and hardly deserve.

The companionship and unconditional love of the world’s most patient man.

The soft and perfect form of my boy with his head on my lap as I type.

A bright future ahead of me, full of promise and potential, and the exhilarating feeling that the best thing about being at the bottom of the pile is that the only way is up.

My words.

These things make the universe stop spinning for one second, and the bills stop worrying, and the housework seem so unimportant.

They make me stop wanting. And just be.

For a while.

Until I find myself wanting once more.

It is hard not to want.

I wish I knew how.

——————————————————————–

What do you find it hard not to want?


30 Comments

  1. So beautiful, you made me shed a little tear you talented writer lady!keep the faith you is smashing ;) xxx

  2. Lovely. I love a bit of blessing counting, it’s my favourite thing. I’m rooting for you xx

  3. Lovley, I have been thinking similar today too – how strange http://themadhouse-themadhouse.blogspot.com/2009/10/spiritual-sunday_18.html
    .-= TheMadHouse´s last blog ..UP =-.

  4. Oh hon – BEAUTIFUL – you will have all that you want as it is not so much at all. Much of best to you.
    .-= april´s last blog ..Conversations with Bub1. =-.

  5. I think it’s fine to want things. As long as you don’t let it run your life. And as long as you want the right things.

    I find it hard not to want another glass of wine.
    .-= Mwa´s last blog ..Marge, I must learn to love you better =-.

  6. Such a lovely post and beautifully written. The key is to focus on gratitude for the things you have – and also the certainty that the things you desire will be yours one day too. I really want to know that my future is financially secure, that I will get to move home, that my ex won’t put a spanner in the works and destroy my life, as it sometimes appears he has the power to do. But I have to keep focusing on my trust that it will all work out – that the things that I want will be mine. And until then I should be overwhelmed with gratitude for all the things in life that I currently do have. Including a lovely sunny day today for starters.

  7. So beautifully written – thank you!
    I think, actually, that having ‘wants’ is very important, and we don’t need to try not to have them. They’re what help us move forward and achieve things in life. Just as long as we don’t forget about the ‘haves’ at the same time.
    We loved your post so much we made your Blog Love of the week :)

  8. Lovely post. I’ve been taking stock recently of the things that are important. I live with someone who is very ambitious and always wants more. I’m fairly happy with what we have at the moment. Sometimes his wanting more stops him seeing what he already has.

    … oh and you really shouldn’t pop on your lawn ;)

  9. That shold say poo. Damn this phone. Gives me the comic timing of a walrus.

  10. It is very hard no to want indeed. The things you already have, family, love and talent are far more important than the other stuff.

    You will get there Josie. But don’t forget to revel in what you have now, however threadbare it may feel.

    x
    .-= Insomniac Mummy´s last blog ..Awards, awards everywhere! =-.

  11. It is hard not to want… even though you are really old, like me, it is still hard not to want to talk to your mum.
    It is hard not to want to go back thirty years and just change that one little decision that made so much difference.
    It is hard not to want to be there for someone when you know that you are so helpless.

    It is indeed hard not to want.

    But looking with eyes that can see – Wow.

    Listening with ears that can hear – Wow.

    Speaking kind words, hearing kind words and reaching out to touch the sky.

    Having no fear, running in freedom to the arms of a loving parent – there is a want that we all need. There isn’t any reason not to want that for all our young people.

    Carry on with the wanting, but know that you are blessed with what you need at the moment and who knows what will be there in the future, and why move when you have such a lovely bookcase! :)

  12. Beautiful.
    I want too, even though I have so much. I don’t want fancy things but I want a nicer kitchen and to travel. What I really want is for my husband and I to both be home with the kids all day every day. I want that.

  13. I was literally about to start typing something along the lines of ‘ that was beautiful we all have days (weeks, months) like that… when my lovely daughter stood beside me and did a wee and a poo all over the floor. the fact that she is four makes the cleaning up / gagging even worse. so all i;ll say now is, Is it hard to want 5 minutes to write an email without someone crapping on your feet??

  14. Wonderful post Josie, and so true. If there is anything positive to come from the credit crunch (!) in our house I think it’s that I’ve learned that I can live with the crumbling plaster in the hall (unfortunately we’d just had the kitchen done as the credit crunch started to bite!) as long as my family is safe and warm and next to me. xxx

    • It’s our ‘wants’ and ‘dreams’ that keep us going and puts the spark into our life.But it takes the most determined to appreciate the’haves’ and finally what we really need.I live in a 2 bed, 2nd floor flat with 2 adults and 3 young children.Life can get pretty crazy…hang in there and you’ll to where you want to be
      .-= Aly´s last blog ..Blog Meme- Personality Traits =-.

  15. absolutely fantastic piece of writing! well done!

  16. Now that piece really gave me a lump in my throat.
    It’s so hard, that wanting feeling, but I know you make the very most of every single day, every moment.
    Sending you lots of love and hope for all those life changes that WILL come..I just know it!! Xxxxxx

  17. …and it’s hard not to want to write as well as you! What was that you were saying about wanting to delete your posts?

    • @Tim, Ahh but I thought we had established that I am an idiot!

      Thank you Mr Dot – means a lot coming from you.

  18. I think I may give up blog writing altogether because you’re just too good. A joy to read. And try not to worry about wanting – there’s nothing wrong with that at all – and besides, all the things you want are commendable. You’re wonderful. Keep going honey xxx

  19. Do you live on my street???
    you have captured the feeling of so many!! Brilliant!!

    As long as the appreciating happen a bit more often than the wanting you are doing fine, it’s normal…. and if you had it all you really wouldn’t appreciate the things money can’t buy. XXX Keep on blogging :o)

  20. You write so beautifully I’m sure at least one of those ‘I wants’ will happen soon. I think it’s so important to have ‘I wants’ – it drives us forward constantly to improve ourselves. Like you’ve said though, the ‘I haves’ are so important and shouldn’t be dismissed just because we don’t have everything we want.
    May be someday!

  21. This is a beautiful post, you are so talented that good things must happen. It’s not wrong to want, and you don’t want anything silly but the best things in life are the people around you, and you know you are already blessed in that regard. Thank you for giving me so much to think about on a monday morning!

  22. This was a beautiful entry! I am so happy I found your blog to read it. It’s very easy to want, and totally normal. But the fact that you can see the great things that you DO have makes you one step ahead of so many. GREAT for you & I sure hope that your want list comes true! Read THE SECRET! I loved it!

  23. Thank you so much to everyone.

    Once again I’m a little overwhelmed by your responses. I really don’t think I deserve so much praise but thank you. Funny how it’s quite often the posts that I feel least comfortable about writing and struggle most to put into words that seem to go down the best! This one took three failed attempts!

    Your encouragment means everything to me xx

  24. I love your blog, have tagged you at mine http://onehotcuppa.blogspot.com/

  25. I’m a bit late getting here. I decided to work methodically through my google reader from oldest to newest for a change.
    I’ll just echo what everyone else has said, this is a beautiful post. It’s good to want so you have something to work towards, but at the same time you appreciate what you’ve got x
    .-= SandyCalico´s last blog ..Playgroup Etiquette =-.

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