It is hard not to want a bigger kitchen when you only have one work surface, two drawers, three cupboards and a cooker that only works if the planets are in correct alignment.
It is hard not to want proper plumbing when a hot shower is rarely guaranteed and seemingly dependent on the washing habits of an entire street.
It is hard not to want some new clothes when the jumper you are wearing is on it’s third owner.
It is hard not to want to see the world when it is so beautiful.
It is hard not to want to be successful at something you love so much and think you maybe, MAYBE could be quite good at.
It is hard not to want that thing you love so much to make you some money when you live so close to the wire.
It is hard not to want your baby to sleep better when you are so unbelievably tired.
It is hard not to want to be more self-sufficient when you rely so much on the generosity of others.
It is hard not to want an extra couple of free hours in the day when there is so much to do.
It is hard not to want to be pain-free when you have an army of tiny microscopic beavers gnawing at your joints, crapping in the resulting orifice and then lighting that crap on fire.
It is hard not to want a peaceful neighbourhood when the soundtrack to your life is a dog’s incessant barking, idiots arguing, car stereos blaring and doors slamming.
It is hard not to want to swap the view from your son’s window from this:
… or to change the first thing he sees when he steps out the front door from this:
It is hard not to want
A home, food, warmth.
More love and friendship than I know what to do with and hardly deserve.
The companionship and unconditional love of the world’s most patient man.
The soft and perfect form of my boy with his head on my lap as I type.
A bright future ahead of me, full of promise and potential, and the exhilarating feeling that the best thing about being at the bottom of the pile is that the only way is up.
These things make the universe stop spinning for one second, and the bills stop worrying, and the housework seem so unimportant.
They make me stop wanting. And just be.
For a while.
Until I find myself wanting once more.
It is hard not to want.
I wish I knew how.
What do you find it hard not to want?