Comments on: I have confidence in… erm… something?

By: Linda

Linda — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:27:07 +0000

Well…how very interesting to read this post, Missus.
I would never have guessed in a million years that someone who can write as beautifully as you should be in the grips of a crisis of confidence.
Though thinking about it, of course, the most talented writers are often those least willing to shout it from the rooftops.
Sleep deprivation is a b******. A journalist who has three children got in touch with me this week asking for advice on her career, she said she was “desperate”. I said to her as I will say now to you – don’t give a f*** what other people think.
You and your family are what matters, look at what you are achieving day in, day out for those around you. *Anything* else could be a walk in the park.
I think you are an excellent writer and (here I go stating the obvious, sorry!) you just need to be kinder to yourself and recognise how brilliantly you are doing. Your blog has become a “must read” for me, on your terms, not anyone else’s.
I don’t want to worry you but I was always the one to be asked how old I was by bar staff and was still being asked aged 25. At 41, I am now asked if I am my children’s nan or on one memorable occasion, my friend’s mum! So please revel in how young you look and do not get lumbered with the same fate that has befallen me!
I suppose my own story is that at work I can be so confident as to verge on arrogance but like everyone, personally I also have plenty of crises of confidence and have been mentally ill in the past. I would sob and say that people would be better off without me as I was so useless. But I knew I shouldn’t be feeling like that and went to a doctor and sorted it all out.
People say some very kind things to me about my work and so on. But in my personal life I have had some very difficult battles which have knocked the stuffing out of me.
I think these have made me stronger. The first month I worked as a freelance journalist I earned a mindblowing £160 for two day’s work for a charity. That same month my partner was diagnosed with cancer.
I wouldn’t have cared if I never earned any more but to have him get better was the jackpot.
Ever since I have taken the attitude that nothing else matters as much so over the last year to see my close family hit by serious illness has been heartbreaking.
I am gabbling on like this because I know people think of me as confident and yes, successful. You can imagine that is hard for me to write down so “brazenly” but my point of view is, as said above, don’t fake anything, just be yourself cos, guess what that’s bloody marvellous!
Much love to you. xx
.-= Linda´s last blog ..Top pantos join in Great Panto Review 2009. Wahay! =-.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 15:24:40 +0000

@Josie, Thank you lovely. It’s been a seriously crap couple of days, that’s for sure. Primary concern now is to make sure Sandwich is okay, she is a bit lost all by herself. We are going to scatter Bracken’s ashes in Neil’s parents’ garden where all the family cats are buried so I’m pleased about that.

As for the Slanket … god, I’m a bit scared to reveal it on here! All I will say is – and this may, in part, be down to my stupidly sensitive skin – is that both Neil and I came out in serious rashes after wearing it for a couple of hours. We ended up – gulp – binning it …

I’m sorry! – but I couldn’t lie to you! Hope you guys are all well, big kiss to Kai (and you and Ant!) xx
.-= Kathryn´s last blog ..A rude awakening =-.

By: Whistlejacket

Whistlejacket — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 10:01:40 +0000

As many people have told you, there’s no need to lack confidence but lots of us do. Your blog is just a small example of what you can achieve and I’m sure you’ll make it as a writer as you’re very talented (writers are usually introverts!).

I’ve found confidence takes a very long time to acquire, I spent my twenties completely shy and unconfident. I still get wobbles but at the grand old age of 35 I feel quite confident now.

Actually it’s not confidence, it’s really called getting too old to care.
.-= Whistlejacket´s last blog ..What’s sleep deprivation like? =-.

By: Marianne, Lucy & Izzy

Marianne, Lucy & Izzy — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:04:02 +0000

Hello Lovely,

Finally get a chance to use the internet! What is this inherent fascination that the little people have with emptying the rubbish bin in the bathroom…?! I’m so glad you pointed out the benefits to their immune system. This is also the reason why I happily allow Lucy to cover Izzy from head to toe in old tissues, cotton buds, and other unmentionable items

However, I’m not sure if it’s working as we all have the most awful, horrid colds ever this week. We need one of those curious ‘Slanket’ things I have just been reading about on here??!! They look utterly amazing!! I could fit all three (possibly even four) of us under there! I want the pink one!! Oh, and the next time you come round, you have to wear it… (for all other readers: this involves a bus journey and walking down some relatively busy roads…actually, I’m not sure why I threw you that challenge, because I know that you shall fearlessly turn up in it We can both hide under it if we get another week like this last one!!).

You are a wonderful, brilliant Mummy, writer and best-friend. Can I borrow some of your confidence to finish this PhD proposal please? And can Kai come round and re-claim his sheep? Lucy (the most confident being on the planet) is holding it hostage.

Lots of love XXX

P.s. Dave has the best hair :p

By: rachel

rachel — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:50:05 +0000

Oh honey – I’m right there with you – was there some secret meeting where all the other Mums were told how to do it and I missed it?
Being a young Mum is never easy (hell even the label Young Mum isn’t easy as it implies boundless energy – which I lack)
But you are not not not alone. My confidence has been misplaced for many many years and as a fellow hopeful practitioner in creative industries, i feel like its kind of important, you know, for doing, well, anything.
But – you are doing amazingly. Deep breath.
with my first baby i was 21 – she would not sleep, unless she was being walked around the house, by her DAD – she didn’t want me for anything except food and as someone to cry at all day. And part of the night because I couldn’t sleep while she didn’t and her dad needed sleep so we would walk in shifts. This lasted for 9 months and even at a year she needed to be held till she fell asleep – and who did she want to read her stories – yup – DAD. Bang! Pow! any Mum confidence gone totally…and one day I hope to accept that it doesn’t matter that my daughter – now 9 , will still go to her dad first for things,then me as back up – because you know, i screwed up when she was 2, had another baby and ended up in hospital for 10 weeks, so why should she want me around at all.
The blessing in all this is that it meant I could be there almost totally for my son – while dad did bath and story for daughter – i got to be the best mum i could for my little boy – and sometimes he does come to me first.
I still think i suck as a mum and as a functioning person in soooo many ways- but am hoping that one day, one day confidence will come back, that I will care about me again.
So yes, you are not alone in lack of confidence.
Be brave – you are doing everything the right way it sounds, with your little one, and lack of sleep is hell on the mind.
thank you for sharing.

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:34:57 +0000

I really think that most everyone lacks confidence, at least in some area of their lives. We all struggle with our own insecurities and weaknesses, for sure.

That said, I am a FEW years older than you, and I am becoming more confident the older I get. It just feels like I have less to prove, and that I am more comfortable with who I am. Most of the time. Anyways, it’s a process, and you are not going to feel this way your whole life. It makes me happy to talk to older folks and hear them echo this sentiment. It does get easier, I promise.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Jellyfish Blooms =-.

By: eric (myautisticson on Twitter)

eric (myautisticson on Twitter) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:25:59 +0000

Dealing with sleep deprivation and being challenged everyday by the hardest job on earth, mom (or parent if you will) is enough to shake your maybe once confidence to be queen of the world. You had it squared and just knew what you were doing. But then, oddly enough, you got a baby with its life on his own. A little bundle of love full of unexpected things going on. Then, your little comfort zone became challenged by little baby. Not only that, but respite from being a mom has been denied by moth nature. Fatigue mixed, with being a bit lost a times as what the future holds and not knowing exactly what do to, isn’t the best to boost confidence.

So, now, do you think that this is not exactly what happens to all moms? Some may have more rest, than you do, and some may be lucky to have more easy kids. But, the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence, believe me. many moms are struggling about what to do with their crying kids. Many moms feel the same guilt of not being all they expected to be, an almighty mom. This guilt weights on confidence. You start feeling poorly of yourself. Why me? What do I do wrong? But seriously, where is it written that it is supposed to be easy. kids aren’t exactly showing your success right away. It’s actually a long term investment. No immediate return. nothing is solid and lasting. It’s ever changing and trying. So you have to build new skills. does that make you feel sure of your self. no. do you succeed right away? no.

Now confidence comes from having the feeling of being in control. Control comes from feeling you are able to achieve what you want the way you want. Now, the trick is to have right expectations. lower them, don’t look at the neighbors grass and think that’s what you are suppose to have and that you are doomed.

Honestly, believe that nobody could better fill your shoes in your situation. You are the best in your position. Your Kai loves you and you love him. That’s a wonderful accomplishment, already. Give yourself some slack… your happy baby is a wonderful outcome of your existence and yourself. be proud. you are his hero. you are a mom!

Why do you think moms are so proud and inclined at talking about how their babies are doing this or that. Don’t you think it shows any of their concerns? If they were so confident about their skills or about how their child is doing, do you think they would talk so much about it? Think about it. Be confident you have all it takes to make it work. You are the best mom for your Kai. You are Josie. Look at what you have achieved already. Raising a child is an amazing task and you are doing it! You are making it happening!

By: Laura Driver

Laura Driver — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:23:00 +0000

I can say anything I want to if I write it down but find it difficult discuss anything emotional face to face, I’m emotionally retarded. It drives the husband up the wall.

I think you’re great and I’ve only know you and your moustache a few weeks. Your one of my very favourite bloggers and a very good writer.

Oh and being ID’d. I have been asked for ID twice this year, for the first time in my life. I was always the one, aged 14 sent into the offy for cigarettes and alcohol. Now I look even older than I am which makes me think the people who asked me for ID were probably registered blind.
.-= Laura Driver´s last blog ..Neighbourly Love =-.

By: Josie

Josie — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:12:16 +0000

Oh my goodness – I don’t know what to say!

Thank you. Thank you so much each and every one of you for such kind and lovely words. It means more to me than you will ever know.

Now stop making me cry dammit. I hate crying.

xxxxx

By: Josie

Josie — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:10:01 +0000

@Kathryn, I need to know Kathryn – I’m wrapped in one right now. Is it going to rise up and smother me?! Tell me!!!! I fear for my life!!!! xx

P.S. Have been so sad for you today – you have been on my mind lots xx