Comments on: The (Wide-Awake) Elephant In the Room http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/ stories and pictures of a creative life Fri, 10 Feb 2012 06:37:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Out, Out Damn Spot! | Sleep is for the Weak http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-19609 Out, Out Damn Spot! | Sleep is for the Weak Tue, 21 Jun 2011 17:36:04 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-19609 [...] talked about Kai’s sleep problems before, and also that I long ago made the decision not to use ‘crying-it-out’ as a [...] [...] talked about Kai’s sleep problems before, and also that I long ago made the decision not to use ‘crying-it-out’ as a [...]

]]> By: all grown up http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-70 all grown up Fri, 07 Aug 2009 19:07:12 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-70 You're doing the right thing. I couldn't do the cry-it-out thing,and we did try cutting down the milk,it made the situation MUCH worse. It seems we had it easy reading this! I found being woken every 2hrs for almost a year unbearable. But, just as with you,as soon as I accepted it instead of trying to fight it and find solutions, things got better. And better. We now have a 20m old that sleeps in his own bed (his choice) from 7.30pm til approx 4 or 5am, has milk, then *usually* sleeps til around 6.30-7(although, after a weekend away having late nights & early mornings, we once had 4 days of normal bedtimes & 9AM wakes!!! Thought I'd gone mad!). Sleep deprivation is the worst torture. I've aged 10 years in 20 months. The next baby is due in 4 weeks. What have I done???!! TIP: my mother in law said she "reasoned" with her kids on their 2nd bday: "you're a big girl now, mummy won't be coming to see you during the night anymore" which worked!! You’re doing the right thing. I couldn’t do the cry-it-out thing,and we did try cutting down the milk,it made the situation MUCH worse. It seems we had it easy reading this! I found being woken every 2hrs for almost a year unbearable. But, just as with you,as soon as I accepted it instead of trying to fight it and find solutions, things got better. And better. We now have a 20m old that sleeps in his own bed (his choice) from 7.30pm til approx 4 or 5am, has milk, then *usually* sleeps til around 6.30-7(although, after a weekend away having late nights & early mornings, we once had 4 days of normal bedtimes & 9AM wakes!!! Thought I’d gone mad!). Sleep deprivation is the worst torture. I’ve aged 10 years in 20 months. The next baby is due in 4 weeks. What have I done???!! TIP: my mother in law said she “reasoned” with her kids on their 2nd bday: “you’re a big girl now, mummy won’t be coming to see you during the night anymore” which worked!!

]]> By: Zoe's Mum http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-69 Zoe's Mum Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:09:44 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-69 Glad you are making a bit of progress. I totally agree with following his lead. No point trying to force things as that just seems to make it all worse. Hope you get a good sleep soon. Glad you are making a bit of progress. I totally agree with following his lead. No point trying to force things as that just seems to make it all worse. Hope you get a good sleep soon.

]]> By: porridgebrain http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-68 porridgebrain Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:49:09 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-68 Oh my word I can only imagine having five sleep patterns to juggle!! How are you still alive?! Thank you - no doubt it will finally settle just before we decide that #2 would be a good idea... then we'll do it all again! x Oh my word I can only imagine having five sleep patterns to juggle!! How are you still alive?! Thank you – no doubt it will finally settle just before we decide that #2 would be a good idea… then we’ll do it all again! x

]]> By: porridgebrain http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-67 porridgebrain Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:22:59 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-67 Hello J! Thanks for stopping by. Hurray for co-sleeping. It's the only way I've suvived. If anyone starts offering sleep advice now I just start humming a little tune in my head very loudly till they shut up - everyone's always going to think they know better than you when it comes to your daughter. But they don't of course - so keep going with your gut and just smile and nod when someone tells you otherwise. Hope things start getting better for you soon! Virtual cake-slice coming your way... x Hello J! Thanks for stopping by.

Hurray for co-sleeping. It’s the only way I’ve suvived. If anyone starts offering sleep advice now I just start humming a little tune in my head very loudly till they shut up – everyone’s always going to think they know better than you when it comes to your daughter. But they don’t of course – so keep going with your gut and just smile and nod when someone tells you otherwise.

Hope things start getting better for you soon! Virtual cake-slice coming your way… x

]]> By: Chic Mama http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-66 Chic Mama Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:21:19 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-66 Ahhh, poor you. Nothing worse than sleep depravation. I've had two terrible sleepers out of five children The other three were fantastic sleepers and all sucked their thumbs, I desperately tried to get the bad sleepers to suck their thumbs too. Resorted to a dummy when one was 9 months old, didn't make any difference even though he became attached to it. I really hope you don't have to wait too long for a good nights sleep. Ahhh, poor you. Nothing worse than sleep depravation. I’ve had two terrible sleepers out of five children The other three were fantastic sleepers and all sucked their thumbs, I desperately tried to get the bad sleepers to suck their thumbs too. Resorted to a dummy when one was 9 months old, didn’t make any difference even though he became attached to it.
I really hope you don’t have to wait too long for a good nights sleep.

]]> By: Emma http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-65 Emma Tue, 04 Aug 2009 07:10:27 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-65 Hiya! Just wanted to say that I completely agree with ignoring the controlled crying route. We tried it with Sam for all of 5 minutes & he was a mess. Took him ages to settle down & we all broke our hearts crying. I think it's cruel - they think they've been abandoned! I am so glad that something is finally starting to work though. I personally think it's because Kai's so bright for his age that he wants to be learning new things all the time. Sleep just isn't fun for him! Ah, in 15 years time when you can't get him out of bed you'll look back & laugh. Maybe. Emma. x Hiya!
Just wanted to say that I completely agree with ignoring the controlled crying route. We tried it with Sam for all of 5 minutes & he was a mess. Took him ages to settle down & we all broke our hearts crying. I think it’s cruel – they think they’ve been abandoned!

I am so glad that something is finally starting to work though.

I personally think it’s because Kai’s so bright for his age that he wants to be learning new things all the time. Sleep just isn’t fun for him!

Ah, in 15 years time when you can’t get him out of bed you’ll look back & laugh.

Maybe.

Emma. x

]]> By: porridgebrain http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-64 porridgebrain Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:26:04 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-64 Hi Eric! Yep sounds like we've taken similar approach with Kai. Lots of cuddles and reassurance to move slowley towards being more independent at night, but at a pace that doesn't push him past his comfort zone. Right now we've managed to persuade him to spend the first part of the night (when we're not with him) in his cot, which he's happy to do now along as he's sufficiantly sleepy first and given lots of mommy time first. Then when we come to bed later and he wakes at whatever point he'll come into bed with us for a while. If he's happy to go back into his cot then, brilliant, if he needs to slay cuddled up with us that's fine too. At least we all get some sleep that way. Gradually I'm hoping that the amount of time he spends sleeping independently will increase, but my focus is on helping him sleep better, not on WHERE he sleeps. It's reassuring to me that using a similar approach worked with your son. Thank you for sharing, and for your lovely words of encouragement as always. x Hi Eric! Yep sounds like we’ve taken similar approach with Kai. Lots of cuddles and reassurance to move slowley towards being more independent at night, but at a pace that doesn’t push him past his comfort zone. Right now we’ve managed to persuade him to spend the first part of the night (when we’re not with him) in his cot, which he’s happy to do now along as he’s sufficiantly sleepy first and given lots of mommy time first. Then when we come to bed later and he wakes at whatever point he’ll come into bed with us for a while. If he’s happy to go back into his cot then, brilliant, if he needs to slay cuddled up with us that’s fine too. At least we all get some sleep that way. Gradually I’m hoping that the amount of time he spends sleeping independently will increase, but my focus is on helping him sleep better, not on WHERE he sleeps.

It’s reassuring to me that using a similar approach worked with your son. Thank you for sharing, and for your lovely words of encouragement as always.
x

]]> By: J. http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-63 J. Mon, 03 Aug 2009 23:19:04 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-63 Thank you for sharing this! I have only just recently come across your great blog. I have to admit I got some guilty pleasure out of reading this post, because I can relate. My daughter is only 9 months old, and I feel like we have tried so much to help with bedtime/naptime. We've ended up co-sleeping more than anything, otherwise I will be the one missing out on the most sleep. Thank you for listening to your gut, doing what works for you, and for blogging about it. I consider myself instinctual, but having a MIL who constantly tells me that 'she'll just have to cry it out in her crib' can be a little disheartening, and makes me question how I'm parenting. So thank you for the boost of confidence! I feel like a zombie more days than not too, and wouldn't it be nice if everyone did buy zombie-moms cake! Thank you for sharing this! I have only just recently come across your great blog. I have to admit I got some guilty pleasure out of reading this post, because I can relate. My daughter is only 9 months old, and I feel like we have tried so much to help with bedtime/naptime. We’ve ended up co-sleeping more than anything, otherwise I will be the one missing out on the most sleep.

Thank you for listening to your gut, doing what works for you, and for blogging about it. I consider myself instinctual, but having a MIL who constantly tells me that ‘she’ll just have to cry it out in her crib’ can be a little disheartening, and makes me question how I’m parenting. So thank you for the boost of confidence!

I feel like a zombie more days than not too, and wouldn’t it be nice if everyone did buy zombie-moms cake!

]]> By: eric http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/08/03/the-wide-awake-elephant-in-the-room/comment-page-1/#comment-62 eric Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:45:32 +0000 http://bloggymama.wordpress.com/?p=303#comment-62 Oh men, I feel for you. I think following your instinct is the best advice ever. These sleeping methods have limits. Forcing a kid to sleep is like forcing someone to eat when not hungry. doesn't really work. I think the general trick is to try to adapt to the kid and understand their needs. I know he doesn't know himself and doesn't spell it out for you... so there you go you gut feeling and observation of what works, despite the standard child (that doesn't exist) or what the books are telling you to do. screw that. From what you described, your son seem easily distracted and is looking for comfort. let me tell you about my son, since it is what I know about a little. Then you do what you want with it. during his 1st year, my son used to only fall asleep by being rocked to sleep and gently held by daddy or mommy. It took forever to have him sleep by himself. even now, at 3.5, when he feels insecure, it keeps him awake. In fact, we discovered, during his first year, that my son was sensitive to light, warmth, contact (being held) and motion. putting him in bed and leave him would not work at all. These were missing. We started with him in our bed (co-sleeping), and then little by little we would bring him in his own bed, until he spent all night in his bed). To help him sleep in his own bed, we tucked him into a warm cover and surrounded by a nursing pillow. the room was dark as well. It worked at last. he grew out of it, he didn't need the motion and close contact anymore. he had learn to fall asleep in a comfortable way. main point is : help him from his needs and go (at his own pace) in a direction to helps him being autonomous (eg. sleep by himself) I hope this helps a bit. I hope you find A way that works. good luck in your quest. take care, Oh men, I feel for you.
I think following your instinct is the best advice ever. These sleeping methods have limits. Forcing a kid to sleep is like forcing someone to eat when not hungry. doesn’t really work. I think the general trick is to try to adapt to the kid and understand their needs. I know he doesn’t know himself and doesn’t spell it out for you… so there you go you gut feeling and observation of what works, despite the standard child (that doesn’t exist) or what the books are telling you to do. screw that.
From what you described, your son seem easily distracted and is looking for comfort. let me tell you about my son, since it is what I know about a little. Then you do what you want with it. during his 1st year, my son used to only fall asleep by being rocked to sleep and gently held by daddy or mommy. It took forever to have him sleep by himself. even now, at 3.5, when he feels insecure, it keeps him awake. In fact, we discovered, during his first year, that my son was sensitive to light, warmth, contact (being held) and motion. putting him in bed and leave him would not work at all. These were missing. We started with him in our bed (co-sleeping), and then little by little we would bring him in his own bed, until he spent all night in his bed). To help him sleep in his own bed, we tucked him into a warm cover and surrounded by a nursing pillow. the room was dark as well. It worked at last. he grew out of it, he didn’t need the motion and close contact anymore. he had learn to fall asleep in a comfortable way.
main point is : help him from his needs and go (at his own pace) in a direction to helps him being autonomous (eg. sleep by himself)
I hope this helps a bit. I hope you find A way that works.
good luck in your quest.
take care,

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